Welcome back to TOTP Rewind where I am reviewing a time so long ago that in this week back in 1991, Ryan Giggs made his firtst team debut for Manchester United. He was 17 at the time and when he finally hung up his boots, he was 40! And just to hammer home how old that makes those of us who remember it feel, even that retirement was 7 years ago! Anyway, probably best to dismiss those thoughts from our minds (and certainly the subject of Ryan Giggs given the current state of his private life and what he has been accused of). Instead, let us glory in the tunes of March 1991. Our host is Nicky Campbell (watch out for the snidey remarks) and we begin with….
….FFS! Yes, 1991 saw the return of the Comic Relief single after the fallow year of 1990. Now a deeply embedded part of UK culture, at this point in history there had only ever been three Comic Relief singles in existence before Hale & Pace were recruited to be the public face of this year’s campaign courtesy of their song “The Stonk”. I say Hale & Pace but the record is actually credited to ‘Hale & Pace and the Stonkers’. Why Hale & Pace? Well, hard as it may seem to believe, these two were once very much seen as amongst the biggest names in UK comedy. They had just come off the back of a third ITV series series of their own and their characters like ‘The Two Rons’ and ‘Billy & Johnny’ had bumped up their profile significantly. Did I watch their show? I think I probably did – there wasn’t that much choice back then with there being just the four channels and all – but I never found ‘The Two Rons’ very funny at all although ‘Billy & Johnny’ did raise a smile. They were probably more controversial and cutting edge than I remember (they did start their career with appearances in the very funny and very anarchic The Young Ones after all) with sketches that included full frontal nudity and of course the microwaved cat. Yet they were perceived by the Comic Relief charity as lovable and establishment enough to front up their 1991 song.
Ah yes, the actual ‘song’. I would go as far as to say that “The Stonk” is in with a good shout at being the worst ever Comic Relief single. Too harsh? Let’s examine the competition. The very first example of this genre was “Living Doll” by Cliff Richard and The Young Ones. Now the Cliff original is crap admittedly but Rick, Vivian, Neil and Mike were great enough comedy creations to make the joke work (even Cliff plays along well enough). Plus it was the first. We hadn’t seen this before and so it was a novelty in more than one sense. The second single was “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Mel & Kim (aka Mel Smith and Kim Wilde). It’s tragically awful and as Kim sings so corny but it has become accepted as part of the Christmas song canon so I suggest it just about gets away with it. Next was “Help” by Bananarama and Lananeeneenoonoo. Again, not especially funny but it is rescued for me by the lampooning of new ‘nana Jacquie O’Sullivan by the wonderful Kathy Burke. In the years after “The Stonk”, the charity turned to artists doing straight up versions of proper pop songs without the comic attachment such as Cher, Chrissie Hynde and Neneh Cherry doing “Love Can Build a Bridge” and The Spice Girls allowing their fourth single “Mama” / “Who Do You Think You Are” to be adopted as the official song. Then there were the boy band doing cover versions years – Boyzone and “When the Going Gets Tough”, Westlife and “Uptown Girl” and One Direction and “One Way Or Another (Teenage Kicks)” – before Peter Kay took on the mantle for a few years.
So where does “The Stonk” come in this list? It’s got to be pretty near the bottom surely? I think it’s the way Hale & Pace perform it semi seriously that grates. That and the dancing. Oh God, the dancing. The song actually had some heavyweight musicians behind it including Queen’s Brian May (who produced it) and Roger Taylor plus Pink Floyd’s Dave Gilmour, Nick Lowe and Black Sabbath’s Tony Iommi. I’m surprised not to see Status Quo’s name in there as well as their boogie woogie rock style seems to have been appropriated for “The Stonk”.
For all its many faults, “The Stonk” did the job it was meant to by going to No 1 and raising lots of money for charity. It was, and remains, awful though.
It’s that bloody Rocky V song again next. Is this the third time it’s been on the show? Seems a lot for a song that got no further in the charts than No 20. Nicky Campbell, having not really been able to go to town with the snide remarks seeing as the first song was for charity, makes up for lost time by stating “Rocky V is about to be released, the last among sequels, they promise, and we sincerely hope…” – boxing clever with his insults as ever.
As with the film itself, does anybody really recall “Go For It” by Joey B Ellis AKA MC Breeze and Tynetta Hare with any fondness? Has anyone even heard it played on the radio since it was in the charts 30 years ago? By contrast, how many times do you hear “Eye Of The Tiger” played on one of the nostalgia radio stations? The film is similarly held in low esteem. Surely the least liked entry in the entire franchise, the film tanked at the box office. Had it stuck to its original ending which saw Rocky die after having taken a beating from his ex- protégé Tommy Gunn in a car park street brawl, maybe it would have benefited from being the ultimate final act of the story. Supposedly the studio changed its mind though declaring, according to director John Avildsen in an Ultimate Classic Rock interview:
‘Oh, by the way, Rocky’s not going to die. Batman doesn’t die. Superman, James Bond – these people don’t die’.”
I’m not really sure those are valid comparisons and anyway *SPOILER* Iron Man dies at the end of Avengers: Endgame.
Although Rocky didn’t die, it was the end of the road for Joey B Ellis and Tynetta Hare who never had another UK chart hit.
It’s that cover of Carole King’s “It’s Too Late” by Quartz featuring Dina Carroll next. Given an innocent verdict in Miranda Sawyer’s kangaroo court article about the “great dance swizze up” in Smash Hits at the time on account of the fact that Dina does actually sing on the record, I still couldn’t be doing with this. I loved the Carole King original but the lameness of this dance version is exemplified by the Spanish guitar break in the middle eight which is actually played on a synthesiser. So taken aback at the synthetic nature of this is Dina that she misses her cue to come back in thereby adding to the while fakery by making a sham of the performance as well as the song.
Quartz did released an album with “It’s Too Late” on. Having looked it up, I do remember the cover but I’m pretty sure it didn’t sell well and we never heard from Quartz again. Dina Carroll on the other hand….
“It’s Too Late” peaked at No 8.
It’s the video for Living Colour and their “Love Rears Its Ugly Head” single next and whoever was responsible for the text on the chart run down graphics clearly didn’t know the difference between it’s and its as they add an unwanted apostrophe into the song title. Standards and all that.
Wikipedia informs me that the band’s drummer is called Will Calhoun. Will Calhoun? Why is that name stirring embers in the ashes of my memory? Will Calhoun? Come on man, think! Yes! Of course. Will Calhoun was a recurring character in The Adventures Of Champion The Wonder Horse. No, if you are anywhere near Amy age (53 as it happens) then you do remember The Adventures Of Champion The Wonder Horse. Listen to this….
…see, told you. In the show, Will Calhoun was a cowardly old timer cowboy who told some tall tales of his supposed escapades to gullible 12 year old Ricky. None of this has anything at all to do with Living Colour but I’ve got to fill out this post somehow and I used up all my meagre Living Colour knowledge the first time they were on TOTP. OK, anything else I can dredge up? How about I give some credit to Nicky Campbell who has clearly done his research for his intro to this one. “They’re candid, they’re lurid, they’re vivid and livid…” he says which in itself doesn’t make much sense but it does name check the title of their first album “Vivid” which must have been deliberate surely other wise it’s just word salad.
“Love Rears Its Ugly Head” peaked at No 12.
Now here’s act we haven’t seen before on TOTP but you would be forgiven for thinking you had. Although I mistakenly thought that they were a part of the ‘Madchester’ scene when I first heard about them, Ned’s Atomic Dustbin were actually one of the trinity of acts that came out of Stourbridge, West Midlands alongside The Wonder Stuff and Pop Will Eat Itself and wouldn’t you just know it looking at their image. All that crimped hair, shorts and slogan emblazoned T-shirts, jumping around on stage like kids at a playground. This look wasn’t restricted to bands from Stourbridge either. You could also add EMF and Jesus Jones to the list as well. The T-shirts, much like with James and Insprial Carpets, were quite a thing with The Ned’s (as their fans referred to them). They reportedly produced 86 of their own band designs within a three year period. Pretty sure we stocked some of them in the basement of the Our Price Store I was working in.
It wasn’t all about image and clothes though; they did make some music as well. “Happiness” was their first Top 40 hit after two earlier singles “Kill Your Television” and “Until You Find Out” had just missed out on that accolade and, for me, its fuzzy pop sound certainly didn’t seem out of place in the company of The Wonder Stuff, Jesus Jones et al. Maybe not quite as slick though. A bit The Wedding Present -esque even. Parent album “God Fodder” was a big success rising as high as No 4 in the charts and even making some waves across the pond in the US. As of 2013, “God Fodder” has sold around 500,000 copies worldwide. Despite splitting in 1995, the original line up reformed in 2008 to play some live shows and they retain a loyal fan base around the world. That’s not the only thing they retained though. Lead singer Jonn Penney still has that lopsided hairstyle..
The TOTP producers are still persisting with this pointless Top 5 selling albums feature. For the record then, these were the biggest albums in February 1991:
1. Queen – “Innuendo”
2. Gloria Estefan – “Into The Light”
3. Chris Isaak – “Wicked Game”
4. Elton John – “The Very Best Of Elton John”
5. George Michael – “Listen Without Prejudice Vol 1”
Blimey. You might get a non mainstream act like Ned’s Atomic Dustbin in the singles chart but the albums chart was another matter altogether! Apart from Chris Isaak maybe, the rest are all very established rock and pop royalty.
Back to the music and next we have Xpansions with their dance track “Move Your Body (Elevation)”. A couple of posts ago, I talked about how my mate Robin had found himself in the TOTP studio audience by mistake as he and his mate had believed Morrissey was going to be on the show. When Mozza wasn’t, they were trapped in a world of terrible pop stars and songs. Determined to avoid the camera at all costs, Robin thought he had saved himself from embarrassment…until this repeat was shown 30 years later and he spotted the back of his head in amongst the throng…and he was clapping along to Xpansions! I’ve watched this back a couple of times but can’t spot him (shame). If only it had been this show that he’d attended then he would have at least have seen Ned’s Atomic Dustbin who I know he liked and ..erm..oh yeah, Hale & Pace.
As for Xpansions, in that aforementioned Miranda Sawyer Smash Hits article, they get exposed as the charlatans they were as the vocalist we see on stage – Sally Ann Marsh – didn’t actually sing on the record. No, that was a 16 year old called Lizzie D who didn’t get any credit nor repayment for her vocals. A “swizze up” indeed!
Having achieved a huge triumph with “It Must Have Been Love” from the Pretty Woman soundtrack the previous Summer, Roxette‘s record company EMI had sensibly been hurriedly re-issuing tracks from their back catalogue that had flopped initially to consolidate on this. However, that practice could only sustain for so long before new material was needed from the duo. In that context, “Joyride” (the single and album) needed to succeed. Both did in spades.
There wasn’t much in the way of musical progression with this new material but why fix something that wasn’t broke? The song “Joyride” was pure, unabashed, unashamed out and out pop. Probably inevitably so; did Roxette know how to do anything else? The opening guitar chords must surely have been pinched by The Rembrandts for their theme from Friends hit “I’ll Be There For You” whilst Per Gessle himself seems to have been guilty of being very influenced by The Doors track “Hello I Love You” in the chorus. In his defence, he says he was inspired by a note his girlfriend (now wife) left on his piano, which read: “Hej, din tok, jag älskar dig” (“Hello, you fool, I love you”). In fact, Per was all over this one – it’s him doing the majority of the vocals whereas it had been Marie Fredriksson on their recent chart hits like “Listen To Your Heart” and the ubiquitous “It Must Have Been Love” and it was his decision to include the whistling bits. Supposedly, he got the idea after watching Monty Python’s Life of Brian and its song “Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life”.
The “Joyride” album would go 2× Platinum in the UK and sell 11 million copies worldwide spawning 5 hit singles along the way. “Joyride” the single would be a US No 1 (their fourth) and peak at No 4 in the UK. And yet for all this success, for some, “Joyride” was everything that was wrong with Roxette encapsulated in one song. Bland, formulaic, plastic were some of the accusations thrown at it and it was certainly sneered at by the majority of the staff in the Our Price I was working in. I’m sure Per and Marie couldn’t have cared less.
And finally The Simpsons have been toppled as we have a new No 1! Not only was “Should I Stay Or Should I Go” the only UK chart topper of The Clash‘s career, it was also their only ever entry into the Top 10. Unbelievable but true. Had I been more on the ball with writing this post, I could have made a rather obvious reference to Matt Hancock after Friday morning’s revelations in The Sun. As it’s 3 days on from that and the weaselly little twerp has already resigned, I can’t. Instead, I’ll have to call on @TOTPFacts for this Tories / The Clash mash up:
WTAF?! Again I say, unbelievable but true.
Presumably, The Clash were happy to receive the royalties from the song being a hit all over again but the shrieks from the show’s audience that you can hear as the video is shown (presumably there was some playback of the track in the studio) don’t seem to sit comfortably to me for a band who famously boycotted TOTP.
Like its 1982 original, this 1991 Levis advert inspired re-release was actually a double A side but you’d be forgiven for not knowing what the other track was. It’s “Rush” by Big Audio Dynamite II, Mick Jones’s post The Clash creation. By remarkable coincidence, the show’s opening number “The Stonk” was also a double A side but again, this is very little known. The flip to the Hale & Pace track was “The Smile Song’ by Victoria Wood but there’s hardly any reference made to it in chart archives.
The play out video is “Over Rising” by The Charlatans (the proper ones and not Xpansions!). This was actually an EP and didn’t feature on any of the band’s studio albums (although it is on their “Melting Pot” Best Of). Supposedly, the track “Happen To Die” was meant to be the lead song from the EP but The Gulf War effect meant it faced a potential radio ban and the decision was taken to promote “Over Rising”. It’s a nifty enough tune but not one of my favourites of theirs. It peaked at No 15.
For posterity’s sake, I include the chart run down below:
| Order of Appearance | Artist | Title | Did I buy it? |
| 1 | Hale & Pace | The Stonk | The Stonk? Bloody big stink more like. Not even for charity. No! |
| 2 | Joey B Ellis AKA MC Breeze and Tynetta Hare | Go For It | Not likely |
| 3 | Quartz featuring Dina Carroll | It’s Too Late | Nah |
| 4 | Living Colour | Love Rears Its Ugly Head | No but it was on that Q Magazine compilation album I bought |
| 5 | Ned’s Atomic Dustbin | Happiness | I did not |
| 6 | Xpansions | Move Your Body (Elevation) | Hell no |
| 7 | Roxette | Joyride | No, I observed the rules of the road and did not |
| 8 | The Clash | Should I Stay Or Should I Go | Not the single but I have it on something I’m sure |
| 9 | The Charlatans | Over Rising | No but I have that Melting Pot Best Of |
Disclaimer
I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).
All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000x2h3/top-of-the-pops-07031991
TOTP Rewind - the 90s 