You know in the last post I said that thinking about time too much can seriously mess with your head? I should have taken my own advice. How can it be that one of the most controversial and talked about moments in the history of football is now nearly twenty-nine years old?! The Eric Cantona Kung Fu kick incident was a monumental, seismic event. It was all anyone was talking about back then. The images in the clip below are now scorched into our collective memories but at the time, before I’d seen the footage, I recall thinking it can’t be that bad and then I saw it and it was so much worse. Of course, we now know that the Crystal Palace ‘fan’ he assaulted – one Matthew Simmons – turned out to be a right scrote (he assaulted the prosecutor immediately after he himself was found guilty of offensive behaviour) and somehow Cantona’s popularity, if anything, increased following the incident. His “When the seagulls follow the trawler…” statement at a press conference called later became almost as famous as the Kung Fu kick itself.

Anyway, it all happened the day before this TOTP aired though I doubt it’s referred to in the show as they tended to be recorded on a Wednesday so it probably hadn’t even occurred as the cameras were rolling. I also think guest the presenters were probably far too nice to mention it. Yes, it was time for another golden mic slot and this time it fell to all girl group Eternal to fill the role. By this point in their career, they had a four times platinum album and six hit singles under their belts so they were a fairly big deal. They also had still had Louise Nurding in their ranks but she would leave the group to pursue a solo career well before the year was up. And yes, she was Louise Nurding and not Redknapp in 1995 – she didn’t marry footballer Jamie until three years later. Although he was a part of that group of Liverpool players dubbed ‘The Spice Boys’ in the press, the biggest crime Redknapp ever committed was wearing that cream Armani suit for the 1996 FA Cup final. Mind you, some might say that was a bigger offence than Cantona’s Kung Fu kick.

The first act that Eternal have to introduce tonight are MC Sar & The Real McCoy and “Run Away”. Yes, it may be 1995 – the year of Britpop – but the honking nonsense (in my own humble opinion) that was Eurodance was still lingering about our charts like the shadow of Liz ‘lettuce’ Truss over UK politics. However, there seemed to be a fair bit of love around for this track online after the BBC4 repeat went out and it appears in many a Best Dance Tune of the 90s poll. It was well liked at the time as well, even going to No 3 in the US (and No 6 over here). I mean, it’s not that it isn’t catchy it’s just that I’m surprised about the extended life expectancy of a formula of a male rapper / female vocalist over a generic dance beat. I mean, 2 Unlimited had been playing that particular hand for years by this point. Never mind The Real McCoy, I would have preferred Star Trek’s Dr McCoy turning to Captain Kirk and advising him on the health of Eurodance “It’s dead Jim”.

Right who the deuce is this? Oh, it is…erm…Deuce in fact. Yes, coming on like a prototype Steps were this boy/girl combo peddling a Abba-infused, high octane Eurodance number. “Call It Love” would be the first of four UK Top 40 hits for the group who briefly looked like they could be a force in the world of pop – ‘New UK Talent’ was how the TOTP caption introduced them. Hmm. Despite that run of hits, their career also took in the rather embarrassing episodes of failing to better Love City Groove in the battle to be the UK’s Eurovision entry and singing on a Coronation Street anniversary album with actress Sherrie Hewson. As if this wasn’t bad enough, the band was dealt a further blow when lead vocalist Kelly O’Keefe left and they were dropped by London Records. They resurfaced on Mike Stock’s Love This label for one final hit but by 1997, and following more line up changes, time was called on the project and Deuce were no more.

Possibly the biggest legacy that Deuce left us with was that one of their number – Lisa Armstrong – would end up marrying (and divorcing) Ant McPartlin of Ant & Dec fame. Now, I know a story about them because an old friend from college ended up sharing a flat in London with someone who worked for Smash Hits and Lisa Armstrong herself. Sadly, my wife says I’m not allowed to tell it though but I will say it involves dirty bed sheets!

Next, we have another look at Simple Minds playing their latest single “She’s A River” at the top of the Eiffel Tower. This was an exclusive performance a couple of shows previously but so spectacular was its setting that it’s been given a repeat airing. Either that or the band themselves weren’t available for an in studio appearance. I’m guessing it’s the former though – in a similar move the Bon Jovi performance at Niagara Falls was repeated at least once.

“She’s A River” was the lead single from their “Good News From The Next World” album and would be the band’s final Top 10 hit when it peaked at No 9.

Of course, Simple Minds weren’t the first band to arse about on the Eiffel Tower to promote themselves. “The name’s Bon…Simon Le Bon”.

It’s yet another dance act in the TOTP studio – the third one of this particular show but this was easily the biggest of the three sales wise. “Set You Free” by N–Trance would go all the way to No 2, sell over a million copies and be the 17th best selling single in the UK in 1995.

However, for me personally, I’d rather see the video for this one. Why? Well, because (and I didn’t know this at the time and even if I had it wouldn’t have meant anything to me) but part of the video was shot in front of Cliffords Tower in York. So what you may ask and it would be a reasonable question. Well, five years after “Set You Free” was a hit, I left Our Price after working for the company since 1990 and took a job in the civil service in York. My wife and I lived right in the centre of the city and would often walk past Cliffords Tower, the ruined keep of a medieval Norman castle. Up until now, I had no idea about the scenes in the video that were shot in front of it but now I’m intrigued. Talk amongst yourselves a moment while I check it out on YouTube…

Yep, definitely Clifford’s Tower. OK, it’s maybe not quite as well known as its French counterpart Eiffel but still impressive. Meanwhile, back in the TOTP studio, N-Trance have brought their dancer mate with them again. Whilst the temptation to make the comparison with Bez is strong, I’m drawn to this guy from 90s sit com Spaced. Ladies and gentleman, I give you… Tyres….

Boy bands dominated the 90s with the likes of Take That, Boyzone and Westlife probably in the Premier League of that musical genre whilst Five, 911 and East 17 were probably more Championship level. Once you start dropping even further down the leagues you encounter OTT, Upside Down and Worlds Apart. So where would we find Let Loose? I’m saying mid table mediocrity in League 1. Yes, they had seven hit singles including three Top 10s but they’re only really remembered for “Crazy” aren’t they? Take this hit – “One Night Stand” – for example. Catchy? Yep. Memorable? Hardly.

However, it seems not everyone thinks this way. A recent article in the Metro newspaper about a Let Loose relaunch was positively rapturous about the news despite it being one of the worst ideas ever conceived. Too harsh? Well, consider this. They’re not reforming with lead singer Richie Wermerling but a bloke from the bottom of League 2 in terms of boy bands – Bad Boys Inc! Really?! There’s a demand for this?! Well, according to that Metro piece this Bad Boy Stinker – one Matthew Pateman – is, in their words, a “music icon”! I mean, please! The plan is for a new record and London gig by the end of the year and then a whole tour in 2024. I’m sorry but I can’t imagine their being thousands of people poised at their keyboards for when those tickets go on sale. It’s hardly a Taylor Swift tour is it? Still, they’ve achieved more in terms of a music career than I ever could dream of so I should maybe shut up*

* My version of “Where The Wild Roses Grow” by Nick Cave and Kylie in guitar class back in 2010 was a triumph though.

Right, this, for me, is easily the best song on the show tonight and yet it pretty much passed me by at the time. I knew there was this band called Green Day and that they had an album called “Dookie”. I even knew what the album cover looked like what with working in a record shop and all and that there was a track called “Basket Case” on it as it had one of those “includes the single…” stickers on it. However, what I didn’t know was what it/they sounded like. Yes, that does seem unlikely given the whole record shop thing but then that perception that we spent all our days leaning on the counter, drinking coffee and listening to the latest tunes was never, ever true. Sometimes the days were so busy that I couldn’t have told you the names of any CDs that had been played on the shop’s stereo.

Anyway, the bottom line was that Green Day weren’t massively on my radar. It seems though that they had come to the attention of Kéllé and Vernie from Eternal judging by their rather gushing intro (most of it directed at lead singer and guitarist Billie Joe Armstrong). I used to work with someone in York who was similarly enamoured by BJ though I could never see it. At some point in the intervening 28 years though, I did come to know and love “Basket Case”. Supposedly it’s a seminal track in the pop-punk movement, inspiring a generation of subsequent bands; it may well be but all I know is that it’s a great track full of energy and a driving rhythm. On that, I would never have made the connection but said rhythm and chord progression is based on Pachelbel’s Cannon. I think there’s a more obvious example in “All Together Now” by The Farm but if you need convincing, here’s a mash up video:

What I did notice is that the BBC censors failed to pick up on the word ‘whore’ in the lyrics. Or maybe it was that new TOTP executive producer Ric Blaxill was aware of it but didn’t make a fuss as it fitted in with his ethos of trying to make the show more edgy. However, I’m not sure this ‘exclusive’ performance from San Francisco fits that bill. We’re back to a (probably) empty concert hall for this one – the Eiffel Tower it is not.

By the way, as well as “Where The Wild Roses Grow”, my guitar prowess also extends to finger picking Green Day’s “Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)”. Eric Clapton? Pah!

Next another band who, similar to Green Day, I was aware of but had little idea what they sounded like. The Wildhearts were a rock band who, unsurprisingly given the title of the song they perform here, hailed from Newcastle. Having listened to “Geordie In Wonderland”, my impression is that they wouldn’t be out of place mixing in the same social circles as the likes of The Quireboys, Little Angels and Dogs D’Amour. Indeed, The Wildhearts formed when lead singer Ginger was sacked from The Quireboys and at one point they had the drummer from Dogs D’Amour in their ranks. However, there’s also something of The Pogues about this particular track as well – it’s got that drunken sing-a-long quality to it. Unlike Green Day’s use of the word ‘whore’ in their lyrics slipping past the censors, Ginger has to fudge singing the word ‘shit’ from the line “some of the shit has sprouted in roses” presumably at the behest of some BBC suits.

I have to say I don’t mind the song – it’s sort of like a lairy version of “Run For Home” by fellow Geordies Lindisfarne. Unsurprisingly, given the band member in full football kit and the Toon Army banner on display, the song was offered to then Newcastle United manager Kevin Keegan as a potential club anthem but Kev wasn’t ‘head over heels in love’ with the idea and politely declined.

As for The Wildhearts, they reached a commercial peak four months on from this performance when their album “P.H.U.Q” made No 6 in the charts. Years of drug problems and record company wrangling though meant that they were never able to maintain that high. The band have been on and off for years but released their last album as recently as 2021.

In a show that’s already had it’s fair share of distinctly average at best dance acts, the TOTP producers have left the worst till last and indeed second last. I got some grief off a reader the last time I discussed Nicki French who objected to my description of her cover of Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse Of The Heart” as one of the worst records of the 90s. Apparently, said reader knew Nicki personally and therefore took criticism of her personally as well. OK look, I’m sure Nicki is a lovely person and the five million global sales of TEOTH (it was a No 2 in the US) are certainly not to be sniffed at plus the fact that she has maintained a career in music all these years should be respected but…I just think it’s an awful cover and a dreadful record. I refer anyone who disagrees to my disclaimer at the bottom of the post.

And so to the No 1 and it’s the final week at the top for “Cotton Eye Joe” by Rednex. Dear oh dear. Quite how did this happen? Well, it wasn’t just the UK that couldn’t resist this techno/hoedown hybrid – it went to No 1 in eleven different countries globally. I guess the success of Rednex was the logical peak of a very niche musical sub genre that flared up briefly in the mid 90s. Back in ‘94 we had “Swamp Thing” by The Grid with its banjo-picking house beats and the square dance disco of “Everybody Gonfi-Gon” by Two Cowboys which were both big hits. Maybe the only way to burst this particularly pustular chart pimple was to let it go full term and wait for it to pop by itself. A No 1 record was surely the apex of the arc and there would be nowhere else for it to go? Well, nearly. There was a mini revival in 1997 when Steps took “5,6,7,8” boot scootin’ up the charts but even they ditched that idea after one single to pursue a career of pop cheese.

Rednex themselves didn’t give up the ghost though. A follow up hit called “Old Pop In An Oak” followed but couldn’t match its predecessor’s sales. An album called “Sex And Violins” (heh) did nothing at all. It was as if we all understood that this was a one-trick pony. The b(r)and name is still going though and in 2018 they started a live stream channel on Twitch. What a time to be alive!

Dgjm

Order of appearance	Artist	Title	Did I buy it?
1	MC Sar & The Real McCoy	Run Away	No
2	Deuce	Call It Love	Alternatively, call it crap – no
3	Simple Minds	She’s A River	I did not
4	N-Trance	Set You Free	Nope
5	Let Loose	One Night Stand	Nah
6	Green Day	Basket Case	Not at the time but I must have it on something
7	The Wildhearts	Geordie In Wonderland	Why Aye Man! Actually, no
8	Nicki French	Total Eclipse Of The Heart	Hell no!
9	Rednex	Cotton Eye Joe	And no

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001qgbm/top-of-the-pops-26011995