I’ve said before in this blog that I’m not and have never been a massive James Bond fan. The character is just too slick and confident – two things that I’ve never been. I just can’t relate to him. Having said that, I did quite enjoy the films from the Daniel Craig era. As for the rest of the actors who have taken on the role, obviously I have seen some of the Sean Connery and Roger Moore movies but I don’t think I’ve caught any of the Timothy Dalton nor Pierce Brosnan stories and that includes Tomorrow Never Dies which opened in the UK on the day this TOTP aired. Although it grossed $339.5 million worldwide, it was ultimately eclipsed by the juggernaut that was Titanic which was in cinemas at the same time. Also eclipsed by Titanic was the theme song for Tomorrow Never Dies which couldn’t complete with that gargantuan hit by Celine Dion but more of that later.

Our host tonight is Jo Whiley whom I’m increasingly beginning to suspect wasn’t totally enjoying introducing songs by the likes of Aqua and the Teletubbies. Anyway, we start with a superstar (I think that’s a fair description of the artist concerned) in Janet Jackson who is at No 4 with “Together Again”, the second single taken from her album “The Velvet Rope”. You may remember her last trip to the TOTP studio to promote her Joni Mitchell sampling “Got ‘Til It’s Gone” single was a very pompous performance involving Ms Jackson on a throne and a stage full of would be courtiers. Thankfully, this time around, she’s gone for a much more informal and much less po-faced vibe. Apart from her heavily stylised corkscrew hairstyle, it’s all very relaxed with a ‘dress-down-Friday’ feel to what everyone on stage is wearing. As for the song itself, it’s a light, pleasant, upbeat track that actually had a more sombre source material being written about a close friend of Janet’s who died from AIDS. It’s very listenable but for me, her most interesting material came in her “Rhythm Nation 1814” era.

One up her nose and two up her jumper is how Janet rolls according to Jo Whiley (she talking about rings and therefore Ms Jackson’s rack I would assume which is a bit risqué for before the watershed) before our host tells us firmly where she stands musically which is with the next artist The Seahorses apparently. “Next a band who don’t need fancy dances – they have damned great tunes…” she trills except I’m not convinced that “You Can Talk To Me” is that great. After coming out of the traps fast with glorious debut hit “Love Is The Law”, the quality of their output had diminished in consistent increments it seemed to me before plateauing with this standalone single. Presumably released to bridge the gap between debut and follow up albums, it was rendered redundant somewhat as that sophomore collection of songs would never actually appear as the band broke up in 1999. In James Bond terms, The Seahorses were George Lazenby. Maybe it was just as well if this was an example of the direction in which they were going. “You Can Talk To Me” feels like it should be a tremendous track but for me, it’s all surface and no depth, like it was knocked out in about half an hour one afternoon. Or to put it in modern parlance, it’s as if AI had been asked to produce a song by The Seahorses if “You Can Talk To Me” had never existed.

As with Janet Jackson earlier, this appearance was vastly different to their last visit to the TOTP studio when they delivered a bizarre performance that involved all but lead singer Chris Helme seated alongside some random people also on stage looking bored and presenter Mark Lamarr rubbing John Squire’s knee. This time they’ve gone for a much more conventional set up which with their rather conventional song makes me yearn for some of those arbitrary strangers up there with the band again. Finally, if I want to hear a song with a ‘you can talk to me’ chorus, I think I’d rather listen to this:

Sometimes during these TOTP repeats you come across a song that it’s hard to remember that there was a time when you didn’t know it, that is, before it was released and before it became part of our cultural fabric. “Angels” by Robbie Williams is one of those songs. The story of how it single-handedly saved the ex-Take That star’s career and propelled him into superstardom is so well documented that even that narrative is taken for granted but it is an astonishing tale of a truly remarkable comeback. With his debut album “Life Thru A Lens” stalling and the singles from it achieving diminishing chart peaks, the word from the wise was that Williams was all washed up and unwanted by the record buying public. Although I had a promo copy of the album and had therefore heard “Angels” before its release as a single, I can’t lay claim to any great insight that if only Williams would release it, all his problems would be solved. I did think it was a decent song though and, as Jo Whiley says in her intro, the standout track from the album.

So, had “Angels” not been released what would have happened? Would Williams have been dropped by his label Chrysalis? Would pop music history have played out differently? Was this a sliding doors moment? I guess we’ll never know. What we do know is that “Angels” was a sales phenomenon. Twelve consecutive weeks inside the Top 10, sixty-eight on the Top 100 over ten separate occasions spanning seventeen years. Somehow though, it never got higher than No 4 despite shifting 1.16 million copies by 2014. The song’s legacy wasn’t just about its sales though. Its ubiquity was widespread and deep. In 2022, Alex Petridis wrote in The Guardian:

“Throughout the late 90s and 00s, it wasn’t so much a song as an unavoidable fact of daily life”

Petridis, Alexis (25 August 2022). “Robbie Williams’ 20 greatest songs – ranked!”. The Guardian.

In 2005, a Music Choice survey of 45,000 Britons chose “Angels” as the song that they would most like played at their funeral. In that same year’s BRIT Awards, the public voted it the best song of the last 25 years whilst a 2004 VH1 survey saw it voted as the best single never to have got to No 1. Say what you like about Williams but “Angels” certainly left its mark and for many remains his defining moment despite everything that followed including a No 1 less than 12 months later that interpolated the Nancy Sinatra song to the Bond movie You Only Live Twice. I love a post with a theme…

…and it’s the theme that keeps on giving as we arrive at the official track to the 1997 James Bond movie Tomorrow Never Dies courtesy of Sheryl Crow. Jo Whiley effuses about a new Bond theme being a “big deal” and that “this time they’ve got it right” which implies that they haven’t in the past. Which song could she be talking about? “Goldeneye” by Tina Turner? Yeah, that one was definitely underwhelming. Surely not Duran Duran, A-ha nor Gladys Knight the latter of which is the last great 007 theme to my ears. By its very nature, that last sentence therefore excludes “Tomorrow Never Dies” which I have to admit I don’t remember at all. Having listened to it back, I stand by my earlier statement. My reaction to it reminded me of a Daily Mirror article from when I was young that would be seen as sexist by today’s standards but was presumably acceptable back then. It was a piece where they tried to build a composite image of the ‘perfect’ woman by taking various elements of the most beautiful women in the world (hair, smile, legs etc). The result was less than flattering. Similarly, Sheryl’s song seems to have all the best parts of previous Bond themes but they don’t quite all sit together comfortably. There’s the cinematic orchestral strings, iconic kettle drum, dramatic pauses and twangy guitar refrain in the chorus whilst Sheryl does her best Shirley Bassey impression but it never quite gets there for me. It was nominated for a Golden Globe and a Grammy but lost out on both to the aforementioned “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion.

There were other songs in the running to be the official theme tune that were invited to be considered including this from Pulp which someone has helpfully put over the top of the opening titles. It would end up being a B-side for the band and retitled “Tomorrow Never Lies”…

Hmm. Not sure that they quite nailed it. Not sure at all. There’s this from Saint Etienne…

That’s more like it but then the band’s Bob Stanley does have a second career producing film soundtracks and films themselves as well as curating film seasons for various art institutions. If I had to be critical, I’m not sure that Sarah Cracknell’s vocals are quite big enough for a Bond theme.

We have a winner! Check this out from k.d. Lang! This is perfect! It was used over the end credits in the movie but surely it should have outranked Sheryl Crow’s track?

Before she introduces the next act, Jo Whiley dashes on stage to give Sheryl an award commemorating her album going three times platinum. Fair enough but why do we not get to hear Sheryl speak? What was all that about? The effect is just odd and talking of odd, here comes a most bizarre Beatles cover version from Blackstreet. Now, music history is littered with terrible takes of the Fab Four’s material and this is certainly not the worst but I’m still left asking the question why did they do it? Did the world really need a slowed down R&B version of their 1964 No 1 “Can’t Buy Me Love”? I know there is a school of thought that says there is only any point in a doing a cover if it’s substantially different from the original and I subscribe to that view. However, although Blackstreet clearly also did, I just don’t think that “Can’t Buy Me Love” in its original form lends itself to such a drastically different treatment. Those early Beatles hits were high octane, thrill inducing pop romps. It wasn’t in their DNA to be slowed down like that. Maybe it’s my fault for having a closed mind but I just can’t reconcile myself to Blackstreet’s version and why was it retitled as “(Money Can’t) Buy Me Love”? Was it something to do with the licensing of the track?

I said in the last post that Boyzone wouldn’t be having it all their own way in the boy band stakes as Westlife would be appearing on the horizon soon. However, even before those lovely lads from Sligo and Dublin turned up, there was Five. Or was it 5ive? Anyway, whereas Take That and East 17 had been depicted by the press as polar opposites, Five seems to combine elements of both. Pretty boys that were also ‘street’. It seemed like a plan.

Put together by the same father and son duo who had the idea for the Spice Girls, Bob and Chris Herbert thought the same could be achieved with an all male group. An audition process attended by 3,000 hopefuls resulted in a line up of Abz Love (real name Richard Breen), Jason ‘J’ Brown, Sean Conlon, Ritchie Neville and Scott Robinson (not to be confused with the Neighbours character played by Jason Donovan). Signed by Simin Cowell (him again) to BMG/RCA, the group embarked on months of rehearsals and promotional work before they’d even released a note of music so that their name was already well known by the time debut single “Slam Dunk (Da Funk)” was available in the shops. The hard work paid off when it landed at No 10 in the charts in its first week of release. I have to say as boy bands go, I didn’t mind them. “Slam Dunk (Da Funk)” was daft but it was fun and their Joan Jett sampling hit “Everybody Get Up” was great. Some of their stuff was routine boy band guff though as well. Someone who really did like them though was a person that my wife used to work with in a past job who was a difficult character who took offence at the unlikeliest of things. One such thing he hated was work colleagues who had pictures of their loved ones on their desks. Being a gay man, he staged his own protest by bringing a framed picture to work of J from Five which took pride of place on his own desk.

Five shone brightly for a three year period which included a trio of No 1 singles before splitting up in 2001. A planned reunion in 2006 came to nothing but they did get together again in 2013 via the ITV show The Big Reunion which resulted in a tour although J Brown declined to be part of it. Abz Love left the band after the tour meaning that a second reunion in 2019 featured just three members despite the fact that they retained the name of Five. However, a UK arena tour has been scheduled for October this year featuring all five members.

During late 1997 and early 1998, it was never, ever not time for All Saints – this was their third TOTP appearance out of nine (NINE!) promoting their second single. This must be some sort of record for a song that spent just a solitary week at No 1. How did Executive Producer Chris Cowey justify all these slots in the running order? Well, I guess if you look at these chart positions over nearly four (FOUR!) months inside the Top 10, you could make a case for at least half a dozen by my reckoning if your criteria is a hit going (back) up the charts or holding firm in the same place:

3 – 5 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 4 – 4 – 2 – 1 – 2 – 2 – 4 – 5 – 3 -7

They are spectacular numbers you have to say. Well, I’ve got another six appearances featuring “Never Ever” to write about so I’m going to leave it there for this one for this week.

The Teletubbies are at No 1 with “Teletubbies Say ‘Eh-Oh’”. Of course they are – this was the UK record buying public at work after all (never the most reliable arbiter of taste) and they were especially wayward in their shopping habits at Christmas. For a kids TV show aimed at a pre-school audience, Teletubbies seemed to attract an awful lot of controversy with perhaps the biggest of the lot centred around the character of Tinky Winky. The biggest and oldest (supposedly) of the Teletubbies, he caught the attention of US televangelist Jerry Falwell who proclaimed that Tinky Winky was promoting homosexuality due to his red handbag, his purple colour (purple being the gay pride colour) and his antenna being shaped like a triangle (a gay pride symbol). The BBC released an official response saying Tinky Winky was simply a “sweet technological baby with a magic bag”. Then there was the controversy over the sacking of actor Dave Thompson who originally played Tinky Winky but was fired after receiving a letter from production company Ragdoll saying his “interpretation of the role was not accepted”. Ha!

I’m sure there was also a media furore when a photo of Tinky Winky was circulated without his costume head on. My friend Bev was something to do with the publicity for the show at the time and had to field loads of press enquiries about what the BBC were going to do about allowing the shattering of the illusion of the Teletubbies for its millions of viewers. The truth is that those costumes were incredibly hot and the actors would sweat bucket loads and stink after their 11 hour filming stints in them. No wonder Tinky Winky took his head off! They may have been shot at, chased, punched or had the threat of a laser going up their jacksy but no James Bond actor had to deal with the inferno that was a Teletubbies costume.

Order of appearance	Artist	Title	Did I buy it?
1	Janet Jackson	Together Again	I did not
2	The Seahorses	You Can Talk To Me	Negative
3	Robbie Williams	Angels	No but I had a promo copy of the album
4	Sheryl Crow	Tomorrow Never Dies	No
5	Blackstreet	(Money Can’t) Buy Me Love	Nope
6	Five	Slam Dunk (Da Funk)	Nah
7	All Saints	Never Ever	Liked it, didn’t buy it
8	Teletubbies	Teletubbies Say ‘Eh-Oh’	What do you think?!

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002chnn/top-of-the-pops-12121997?seriesId=unsliced