Looking at the running order for this TOTP, there’s only three songs in it that I remember how they sound and one of those I really wish I didn’t. And this from a man who was working in a mainstream record chain at the time (I even have photo evidence that I’ll share at some point). I mean, I must have sold some of these singles over the counter to customers – they might as well have been tins of beans it seems.

Our host is Scott Mills and we start with the one hit that I so wish I could delete from my memory banks. 1999 had already given us some resolutely dubious moments but we have arrived at the point in time when it offered up the Shania Twain crossover pivot. Up until now, the Canadian singer had been of a definite country flavour to those of us who were not members of her fan base, the casual listeners per se. She’d had a sizeable hit with an inoffensive ballad in “You’re Still The One” and a couple of minor charting follow ups but I’d thought that maybe that would be that for Shania and never the Twain would meet with the UK Top 40 again.

However, I hadn’t banked on “That Don’t Impress Me Much”. I can’t tell you him much this song annoys me. Actually, I can. I HATE IT! I DETEST IT! I DESPISE IT! Why? Because of its inane lyrics that name check Brad Pitt and the way she delivers them especially when the song pauses and she almost sarcastically speaks rather than sings the lines. Then there’s the hideous synth sound parping away in the background that makes it sound like an advertising jingle. Most of all though, I can’t stand that so many people not just bought into the song but actually bought it in enough copies to take it to No 3 for three consecutive weeks and for it to spend nearly five months inside the Top 40. “That Don’t Impress Me Much” was the crucial piece of the pie that transformed Shania from a country singer to a mainstream pop star peddling material that allowed the record buying public to convince themselves that their tastes hadn’t been hijacked by country & western music. It wasn’t even ‘new country’, it was…country-pop? Pop- country? Not very snappy is it? Perhaps if I shortened the word ‘country’? Oh. Well, that particular amalgamation results in an unfortunate (if accurate) description. Whatever it was, it didn’t impress me much. Ahem. Unbelievably, as soon as “That Don’t Impress Me Much” finally dropped out of the charts, Shania released an even more nauseating single in “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!”! but I can only deal with so much bad music from a single artist in one post.

So all that promotion, all that marketing, all that hype couldn’t actually deliver Geri Halliwell a No 1 with her debut solo single “Look At Me”. In the end, she couldn’t get past a Boyzone cover version of yet another ballad and had to be content with the runners up spot. It must have been a disappointment to her and her label but it would all turn out OK as her next four singles did top the charts. Three of them were from her album “Schizophonic” which went double platinum in the UK, selling two million copies worldwide. I guess commercial popularity didn’t come in spades for Robbie Williams initially so maybe team Geri didn’t panic.

However, despite a continuation of that success into the new millennium with her cover of “It’s Raining Men” going to No 1 in 2001, that old chestnut diminishing returns raised its head again. It left a calling card with sophomore album “Scream If You Wanna Go Faster” which made the Top 5 but sold a sixth of its predecessor. By the time of third album “Passion” in 2005, (who knew there was a third album!), diminishing returns was banging on Geri’s front door demanding to be let in. After 12 months of being on the shelves, it had only sold 10,000 copies. Very few people seemed to be looking at or, more crucially, listening to Geri at that time.

OK so here’s a potentially unpopular opinion – why were Space dismissed as a novelty group (including by my friend Robin who described them as a “joke band”) but Super Furry Animals were seen as credible, authentic and cool (Cymru)? Weren’t there a fair few similarities between the two bands? Both had a quirky sound that was hard to define with beguiling lyrics drawn from unconventional subject matter featuring unusual musical instruments. Both had lead singers with distinctive voices and an anti-pop image and both seemed to achieve commercial success by not bandwagon jumping nor riding the zeitgeist. And yet, it see seems to me, that it was the Welsh band that were taken more seriously than their Liverpool counterparts. I could be wrong of course. But then I listen to something like “Northern Lites” and I think there is something in my comparison. It’s typically Super Furry Animals in that it’s an untypical pop song featuring what sounds like a Mariachi band and a steel drum somewhere in the mix.

Isn’t there a Space song that features a Mariachi band? If not then something similar? After all, their musical mission statement was described thusly:

“Space is all about making songs with all the latest technology and throwing every genre of music into the mix to come up with something mad.”

Tommy Scott, summing up Space’s approach to Transatlantic Modern in 2020.

Anyway, I quite liked “Northern Lites” though it isn’t one of my absolute favourites of theirs. Also, what was with the costumes that some of the guys up there on stage were wearing? What were they meant to be? Super Furry Animals? They look like badly designed football club mascots but then, as we’re talking about comparisons, nothing will ever compare to Kingsley, the Patrick Thistle FC mascot…

I’ve said this many times in this blog but there was clearly lots more to Skunk Anansie than my initial recollection of them which was basically their hit single “Weak”. The band’s many TOTP appearances (they were on ten times in total performing eight different songs, itself an indication of the breadth of their back catalogue) has introduced me to much more about them than I remembered or imagined there might be.

This week in 1999 they showed us what they would have done with a song for a James Bond movie had they ever been commissioned to do so. “Secretly” (even the song title had a spy/secret agent vibe) had a string section backing to it that sparked 007 connections in my synapses. The verses are delicately delivered leading into a beautifully elongated chorus which showcased one of Skin’s more controlled vocals. Apparently the song did feature in a film but not of the James Bond variety – it plays over the credits of the 1999 teen romantic drama Cruel Intentions which was based on the 1782 novel Les Liaisons Dangereuses.

Duane Harden didn’t have much luck when it came to establishing his name as a singer did he? Despite being the vocalist on a No 1 record, most people knew it as an Armand Van Helden track (even the song’s title rubbed the salt in – “You Don’t Know Me”). Undeterred, for his next release, he teamed up with New York disco house DJ Lenny Fontana (a better pop star name than Duane Harden I would suggest – the latter sounds more like a porn than pop star) aka Powerhouse and they delivered No 13 hit and dance chart No 1 “What You Need”. Nothing to do with the early INXS single, it actually sampled a Thelma Houston tune but reminded me of 1986 Chicago house anthem “Love Can’t Turn Around” by Farley ‘Jackmaster’ Funk featuring Darryl Pandy. Not that I know what I’m talking about of course. What I do know is that Duane never did have another UK Top 40 hit. Seemingly Harden didn’t have what we needed ultimately.

Referring back to my statement at the start of this post, I think I may have reached the crossover point where there are more songs in the 1999 charts that I don’t know than there are that I do. Who the hell were 1000 Clowns and why did their lead singer and rapper Kevi look like such a big dork? “(Not the) Greatest Rapper” was their only UK hit and it’s another track that reminds me of something else. We’d heard a flute riff (do flutes have riffs?) on a dance/rap hit back in 1993 courtesy of Stakka Bo and their song “Here We Go”…

I have to say I prefer Stakka Bo to 1000 Clowns. Maybe it’s the slower bpm or the delivery from Kevi but it just sounds (and looks) so lame. Death by 1000 cuts or listen to 1000 Clowns? The answer is the latter of course but it really shouldn’t have been that close a call.

When Oasis announced that they were reforming for a world tour, many leapt to the conclusion that it was to pay for Noel Gallagher’s divorce. If it was, he wasn’t the first Mancunian rock star to pull such a stunt. Back in 1999, the Happy Mondays were suddenly back together allegedly to help pay off outstanding tax bills owed by Shaun Ryder to HMRC. Following the legendary disastrous gestation period and release of the band’s fourth studio album “Yes Please!” had brought about the end of Factory Records, the Mondays were no more and Ryder and Bez moved on to Black Grape. A comeback looked very unlikely but, as so often is the case, money is the root of all reunions and so an international and UK tour was undertaken including two nights at the Brixton Academy and a sell out of the 20,000 capacity Manchester Arena. They even supported the aforementioned Oasis on their ‘Standing On The Shoulders Of Giants’ tour.

Obviously, a Greatest Hits album was released to tie in with all this touring and to promote that, a single was released. A very loose cover version of Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys Are Back In Town” was selected for the job which is what we are ‘treated’ to in this TOTP appearance, their first for nearly seven years and only fifth in total. Still, that’s not a bad number for a group that were banned from the show following their first appearance after Ryder told a pompous BBC suit to “f**k off knobhead” backstage. The disparity from the attitude of that initial TOTP outing to the nonsense of this appearance is striking. If it looks like a shambles and sounds like a shambles, it is a shambles. Just awful to watch and I say that as someone who has seen the Happy Mondays live. The band have reformed and disbanded a few times since but are currently touring to celebrate the 35th anniversary of the release of “Pills ‘N’ Thrills And Bellyaches”. I’m betting that “The Boys Are Back In Town” doesn’t make the set list.

So here’s the song that beat that much promoted Geri Halliwell single to the top spot and it’s yet another crappy Boyzone cover version. Apparently their label Polydor gave them the option of delaying the release of “You Needed Me” by a week to avoid going head to head with Halliwell but they declined the option presumably because they were supremely confident in their own single’s ability to shift units or they’d got to the point where they didn’t care anymore. I think the latter might be the case. Whatever the truth is, it was surely one in the eye for Geri.

Originally an American No 1 for Anne Murray in 1978 (it only made No 22 over here), Boyzone’s take on “You Needed Me” meant that seven of their fifteen hits up to this point had been other people’s songs – nearly half of them. Cover versions also accounted for three of their total of six No 1s (of which this was the final one). Perhaps the most significant stat though was that the last three UK chart toppers in 1999 were by boybands – Westlife, Backstreet Boys and now Boyzone. Was girl power over?

Order of appearance	Artist	Title	Did I buy it?
1	Shania Twain	That Don’t Impress Me Much	NOOOOOO!
2	Geri Halliwell	Look At Me	Nah
3	Super Furry Animals	Northern Lites	Nope
4	Skunk Anansie	Secretly	Negative
5	Powerhouse featuring Duane Harden	What You Need	It wasn’t
6	1000 Clowns	(Not the) Greatest Rapper	No
7	Happy Mondays	The Boys Are Back In Town	I did not
8	Boyzone	You Needed Me	Never

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002s7dl/top-of-the-pops-21051999