TOTP 08 JAN 1999
So, TOTP 1999 repeats are go! It’s my last year of doing this – please be halfway decent! As we’re in early January, the charts are very static with few new releases meaning that this show is full of songs that have been on before. Familiarity is also in evidence with our host who is Jamie Theakston who is becoming as ubiquitous as Simon ‘Smug’ Mayo used to be back in the day.
We start with Bryan Adams and Melanie C with “When You’re Gone”. This single really had legs spending ten consecutive weeks inside the Top 10 including three on the trot at No 6 which is its position this week. It’s continued to enjoy longevity in many forms long after the single finally dropped out of the charts via re-recordings and live performances. Adams returned to the song in 2005 for his compilation album “Anthology”, laying down a new version of it with Pamela Anderson of all people whilst Melanie C rejoined him in 2022 as they revisited the track for Adams’s “Classic Pt. II” album. Bryan frequently performs the song live as an acoustic number, usually plucking a member of the audience out to join him whilst Chisholm has also performed it during her concerts on a regular basis.
Theakston goes in for a bit of sexual innuendo in his intro to the next act. “If you’re one of the millions suffering from the flu then may I suggest the Theakston remedy. Stay in bed, snuggle up under your duvet and enjoy a healthy dose of the Honeyz” he chirps before doing his best Sid James impression by blowing out his cheeks. Yeah, knobhead. The Honeyz are back on the show for similar reasons as Bryan Adams/Melanie C – their hit “End Of The Line” is holding at No 9 having already peaked at No 5 in its first week in the chart. They were a bit like a prototype Sugababes weren’t they? Not that they shared a musical style but in terms of a revolving door policy when it came to their line up. Though there have only ever been four members to feature in a trio format, there is just one ever present in Célena Cherry. Of the other three, Heavenli Roberts has had five separate stints in the band, Naima Belkhiati two and Mariama Goodman three. The current lineup features Cherry, Roberts and Cherry’s sister Candace. Do you think they’ve…ahem…finally found the right combination?
Next, a third hit on the spin that has been on the charts for weeks already. Why is Robbie Williams on the show performing “No Regrets” again? Well, because he’s Robbie Williams would seen to be the main criteria. Observe the sycophantic intro from Jamie Theakston – “It’s Rob’s world, we just live in it”. Notice he calls him Rob not Robbie. I think they were possibly ‘mates’ at this point on account of Williams dating Nicole Appleton and Theakston seeing her sister Natalie though I think the former relationship ended around this time. Executive producer Chris Cowey would argue that it’s because “No Regrets” was going up the charts and with a lack of new releases to showcase, this was perfectly legitimate and justified. The truth is though that after debuting at No 4, the single had not spent another week inside the Top 10. Yes, successive drops to Nos 14 and 19 had been countered by consecutive moves back up the charts to No 18 and this week’s position of No 16 but it was hardly a big seller at this time. This was surely just a case of trying to pad the show out with a big name wasn’t it? Theakston’s intro doubles down on this. Let me entertain you? Nah, I’m good thanks.
A new song! A rare new entry into the Top 40 in the first week of January! It comes courtesy of Alisha’s Attic whose chart career to this point has been a model of consistency. Their first five hits had all peaked at either Nos 12, 13 or 14. “Wish I Were You” would end that run by going no higher than No 29. More than that though, it was portentous, ushering in the end of their pop career. None of their subsequent singles were bigger hits than No 24 and their third album “The House We Built” failed to make the Top 40. So what happened? It’s a question as old as The Rolling Stones that if I knew the answer to, I’d be a music industry mogul. If I had to guess though, I’d say that musical tastes moved on and, despite their consistency, Alisha’s Attic hadn’t established a big enough foothold in the charts to ride the changes. Ultimately, I think that’s a shame as I quite liked their quirky pop songs. However, “Wish I Were You” wasn’t their best work. It’s a bit slight and insubstantial to the point that the middle eight is essentially the sisters singing “I, I, I, I…” over and over. We didn’t need another Jim Diamond thanks! Things worked out for Shelly and Karen though as both have gone on to form successful careers as songwriters for other artists. Having been and done the pop star thing, presumably they don’t wish they were those people anymore.
Right who’s this? Oh it’s that woman with the huge hair again, Alda. She had a hit in 1998 with “Real Good Time” and she’s back with the follow up “Girls Night Out” which sounds very similar to its predecessor. No, not ‘very similar’ – exactly the same. As such, what else can I say about Alda who is originally from Iceland but relocated to London and now lives in…oh, this is just brilliant…High Barnet! This shizzle writes itself sometimes! What about her music you say? Well, it’s out and out pure pop confectionery – fine if that’s your flavour but too much of it would make you barf. Compared to her pop contemporaries like Robyn for example, she’s the cheap supermarket own brand equivalent of an M&S best seller – Home Bargains’ Claude The Caterpillar as opposed to M&S’s Colin The Caterpillar cake. No, not Claude The Caterpillar but Cuthbert because she’s more Aldi than Alda.
*I’ll get me coat*
Another new entry now and it’s from the Lighthouse Family. Now, I’ve defended this lot in the past on the basis that musical snobbery is wrong and that ridicule is nothing to be scared of but oh dear…this one…this one is just undeniably, irredeemably dreadful. Awful. Just no good.“Postcards From Heaven” was the title track from their second album and also the fifth single to be lifted (see what I did there?!) from it. That might explain why its peak of No 24 was the duo’s lowest chart position in a run of nine hits up to that point but I’m pretty sure it was because it was horseshit. It’s so insubstantial and slight and…dull. And it sounds just like all their other hits. Abject crap. Postcards from Heaven? More like delivery from the depths of Hell. Sorry guys but it turns out Adam Ant was wrong. Ridicule is something to be scared of.
Right, that’s your new tunes done with and so we’re back to the (very) familiar starting with a former (and indeed Christmas) No 1. Yes, the Spice Girls claimed the (then) coveted festive chart topper in 1998 with “Goodbye” and thereby became the first act to have three such consecutive hits since The Beatles in 1965. However it only stated stayed at the peak for one week hence the comment from Jamie Theakston about them getting on the wrong side of Chef’s “Salty Balls” as that was the record that deposed them. It was, in fact, the first No 1 single of 1999 but was not played on TOTP as an episode did not air the week of the 27th December 1998 to 2nd January 1999. So why didn’t “Salty Balls” feature on this particular show rather than “Goodbye”? Was it an issue with the lyrics? I mean, there’s a lot of innuendo in them but no actual swear words – I don’t think the single carried a Parental Advisory sticker did it? Whatever the reason, Chris Cowey chose not to go with Chef so we get a re-showing of a previous performance of “Goodbye”. As it turned out, this would be the group’s final TOTP appearance of the 90s and, therefore, also the last time I’ll be reviewing them in this blog. So, “Goodbye” indeed Sporty, Scary, Baby, Ginger and Posh. You came, you saw, you conquered – you spiced up our lives.
Who saw this coming? Steps at No 1? Seven weeks after it debuted at No 2, “Heartbeat/Tragedy” has risen to the top of the charts. It feels a bit like All Saints’ journey to No 1 with “Never Ever” which took weeks as well. Yes, its achievement was probably enabled by a lack of big new releases in the first week of January but still. In fairness, their last single “One For Sorrow” had peaked at No 2 and all three of their releases to this point had spent at least two months inside the Top 40 so maybe the clues had been there all along? “Heartbeat/Tragedy” took it to a new level though. Fifteen consecutive weeks inside the Top 10 including a month inside the Top 3 after it had relinquished the top spot – it was a chart monster.
In recognition of this success, we get a medley of the two tracks but it’s not a new performance but two separate appearances in the show cobbled together. Is it me or does it seem a bit of a shoddy edit? It’s not like when The Jam and Oasis were afforded two songs to celebrate their respective No 1s – the former’s “Town Called Malice” / “Precious” double A-side and the latter’s “Don’t Look Back In Anger” when they also performed their cover of Slade’s “Cum On Feel The Noize” which was an extra track on the CD single. Still, it was hardly a tragedy was it? Better best forgotten.
| Order of appearance | Artist | Title | Did I buy it? |
| 1 | Bryan Adams and Melanie C | When You’re Gone | Nah |
| 2 | Honeyz | End Of The Line | Negative |
| 3 | Robbie Williams | No Regrets | Didn’t happen |
| 4 | Alisha’s Attic | Wish I Were You | Nope |
| 5 | Alda | Girls Night Out | Never |
| 6 | Lighthouse Family | Postcards From Heaven | Good Lord no! |
| 7 | Spice Girls | Goodbye | No |
| 8 | Steps | Heartbeat / Tragedy | I did not |
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TOTP Rewind - the 90s 