TOTP 05 OCT 1995

We’ve entered October with these TOTP repeats and three days before this show aired, an album hit the shops that would prove to be a landmark release in UK music history. “(What’s The Story) Morning Glory?” by Oasis would shift 345,000 copies in its first week and spend 10 weeks at No 1 on the album chart in total. It would eventually go 17 x platinum in the UK alone and win a Brit award for Best British Album. It even broke through in America going to No 4 over there selling 4 million copies in the process. It spawned two chart topping singles and two No 2s. In short, it was a monster, a phenomenon even. After the Battle of Britpop in the Summer that had put record shops at the heart of the national news, this album was a slam dunk off the back of it for the takings of stores across the country. It sold and sold and sold and then it sold some more. It sold more than any other album in the entire decade that was the 90s. Whether you liked it or not, you couldn’t ignore it.

Something else that you couldn’t ignore but it would be hard to like are the comedy characters dished up for our entertainment by tonight’s ‘golden mic’ hosts Hale & Pace. So, I have questions. To start with, why were these two on the show in the first place? Well, the eighth* series of their TV comedy series was just about to air but that was on ITV so it can’t have been seen as an opportunity to plug one of the Beeb’s shows.

*I know! Eight! They even did a couple more before it came to an end in 1998.

Was it just that they had these characters Jed & Dave who were like the stoned rocker versions of Smashie & Nicey and so executive producer Ric Blaxill took a lazy decision to get them in as guest presenters? It certainly wasn’t anything to do with Comic Relief as we’d already had that in March. Whatever the reason, they were in the TOTP studio and were ready to annoy!

There may not be any of the aforementioned Oasis on tonight’s show but there is certainly some Britpop. We start with Sleeper who are just getting into their stride with their third and biggest hit of 1995 with “What Do I Do Now?”. The lead single from their second album “The It Girl” which would be released the following May, it built on the success and sound of previous chart entries “Inbetweener” and “Vegas” but if anything was even more radio friendly. With that sophomore album not making an appearance until well into the following year, its subsequent success would mean that Sleeper were never as big as they were in 1996. “The It Girl” would go Top 5 and sell 300,000 copies in the UK spawning four Top 20 hits including two No 10s.

The performance here seems to me to cement Louise Wener’s position as one of the faces of Britpop and what a face! Wide eyed innocence, wrapped up in knowing coyness and a smile that you knew meant she’d be the best person to have a laugh with down the pub. I caught Sleeper live at the Manchester Academy in 1996 and they were pretty good as I remember. I went with my mate Steve and I have a clear memory of him grooving away to “What Do I Do Now?” which was way more entertaining than anything Hale & Pace served up on this TOTP.

Oh come on! How many times is this now that Smokie and RoyChubbyBrown have been on the show? I think this is the third already. The success of “Who The F**k Is Alice?” was absolutely baffling to me. Were there really people up and down the country whom, having bought the single, took it home, put it on their stereo system, pressed play and then listened to it waiting for the chance to shout out “Alice? Who the f**k is Alice?!” at the top of the voices and then chuckling to themselves?! I guess there were mobile DJs who bought it and would play it at a birthday do they’d been booked for. That might account for some sales but this single stank out the charts for a total of 14 weeks on the Top 40 including 8 within the Top 10. It spent 9 consecutive weeks without once going down the charts. Surely wedding DJs can’t have accounted for all those sales?! And where was the outcry from the press about this record ?! Sure, it couldn’t be played on the radio unless it was a bleeped version but I don’t recall the papers in a meltdown about this youth corrupting filth. No, they were too busy getting their knickers in a twist about another chart hit but more of that later.

By the way, Hale & Pace’s intro with one of them (I never did know which one was which) getting lifted in the air on a wire really wasn’t worth setting up as the punchline for a limp play on words. Give me Cheryl Baker instead any day…

Some West Coast hip-hop next from Cypress Hill. As a pop kid, this lot were never really going to be my bag though I did quite like their previous hits “Insane In The Brain” and “I Ain’t Goin’ Out Like That”. This one – “Throw Your Set In The Air” – was the lead single from their third album “III: Temples Of Boom” but I have to say I don’t remember it. Cypress Hill were one of those ‘parental advisory explicit lyrics’ sticker artists which meant we weren’t supposed to play them on the shop stereo in the Our Price store I was working in at the time. Consequently, I was never that familiar with their work. I knew the album covers of such artists better than their songs due to the fact that the CD and cassette inlays were so nickable that we would keep them behind the counter and put a temporary, generic inlay out on the shop racks. This was in the days before the stock was security tagged and out on the shop floor live as it were. Rather pathetically, the hip-hop/rap artists would most likely be pinched by middle class white kids pretending they were from the hood (or something).

Another contrived yet duff intro from Hale & Pace about going metric and rhyming ‘a litre’ with Oleta ushers in the return of Oleta Adams. Yes, I was surprised to see her on the show again too. In my head, she had one massive hit single in the early 90s with her version of Brenda Russell’s “Get Here” (the success of which also catapulted her album “Circle Of One” to the top of the charts) and then nothing. This was plainly not the case though. Exhibit A, m’lud – “Never Knew Love”. The lead single from her “Moving On” album, its sound was nothing like the balladeering of “Get Here” but rather a competent if unremarkable R&B track – Oleta had indeed ‘moved on’.

Of course, I should have remembered earlier that in addition to “Get Here”, Oleta had added her considerable voice to the Tears For Fears hit “Woman In Chains” back in late 1989. By a pleasing quirk of fate, TFF were back in the UK Top 40 nine places below Oleta this week with their single “Raoul And The Kings Of Spain”. However, by this point, Curt Smith had left the band and it was essentially a Roland Orzabal solo track. By the way, I’m pretty sure that’s Shirley Lewis on backing vocals in this performance who was married to Luke Goss of Bros fame for 23 years before splitting in 2017. She clearly did “Drop The Boy” though I have no idea if there is any truth that Luke said of the divorce settlement “I Owe You Nothing”. I know – I’m looking for my coat as I type.

After their first appearance in the TOTP studio since 1980 the other week, Iron Maiden are back on the show again though clearly the experience scarred them as they have put a distance of approximately 3,000 miles between them and London for this second performance of “Falling Down”. Obviously, that’s not the reason – they’d played a gig in Jerusalem and then travelled to the ancient fortification of Masada to record this footage. It’s a stunning backdrop and is another example of the show’s executive producer Ric Blaxill’s vision of taking the satellite performances away from empty concert halls and giving them landmark locations instead.

However, I’m not sure that the helicopter views aid the song. It just makes the band seem small, inconsequential and rather silly against such a massive vista. I’ll leave the final word on this though to a Twitter user who posted this rather sage observation:

Robbie Williams wasn’t the only high profile departure from a successful five piece group in 1995. Louise Nurding left Eternal amid unsubstantiated rumours that a prominent US radio station dedicated to music made by black artists wouldn’t promote an interracial group. Rather obviously, a solo career beckoned and after a small rebrand (Nurding possibly wasn’t the best name for a pop star), Louise emerged with her debut single “Light Of My Life”. Now, I remember this as being a huge ballad but hearing it back, it’s quite a slight thing really. Written by Simon Climie of Climie Fisher fame, it never really gets going despite all those strings in the mix trying to beef it up. More 40 watt bulb than incandescent theatre spotlight. Watching this performance, Louise’s miming doesn’t seem very convincing somehow. Not that she’s out of sync or forgets the words or anything like that but just it all seems a little artificial – most strange.

Louise would go onto have a procession of hits including nine Top Tenners and two platinum selling albums. I know, I wouldn’t have believed it either if I hadn’t read it for myself. She would shed the girl next door image and then some by the time of her hit “Naked” but that’s for a future post. Let’s not get to that point too quickly (ahem).

And so to the hit that the British press couldn’t turn a blind eye to as they seemed to be able to with “Who The F**k Is Alice?”. Pulp’s double A-side single “Mis-Shapes / Sorted For E’s And Whizz” had careered into the UK charts at No 2 – we’d seen the band perform “Mis-shapes” on TOTP two weeks earlier as an exclusive preview. However, it was the second song that had caused controversy. Now, clearly its title contained some rather in your face drug’s references but that didn’t seem to bother the BBC as Jarvis Cocker is allowed to sing the lyrics without any censure* in this show.

*I think they may have shortened the title to just “Sorted” for the caption on that performance of “Mis-Shapes” though it is restored to its full, corrupting glory here.

And why would he have? If you listen to the lyrics, Jarvis isn’t pro recreational drugs but rather he’s pointing out what a hollow experience it ultimately is; that it’s just an artificially induced high and that the comedown can be brutal. He was writing from personal experience of attending raves and taking Ecstasy but at no point does he condone drug taking. The actual song title had come from something a girl he knew had said about going to see the Stone Roses at Spike Island in 1990. All she could recall of it was loads of dodgy looking geezers going around asking people if they were sorted for E’s and Whizz. Talking of the Roses, Pulp stood in for them at that year’s Glastonbury at the last minute whilst I myself was working in the Our Price store in Stockport alongside the late and very great Pete Garner who was their original bass player. I distinctly recall Pete saying that he couldn’t believe that Pulp had got away with releasing a single called “Sorted For E’s And Whizz”.

However, one newspaper in particular was determined to publish a story of outrage about the song and so turned their attention to the CD single’s cover which included an illustration of how to fold a speed wrap (though it doesn’t mention anything about it being used for that purpose in the text). The Daily Mirror went all in on this “sick stunt” as they called it with the article being written by one Kate Thornton later of X Factor fame. Here’s @TOTPFacts with the details:

DJ Neil Fox jumped on the bandwagon and refused to play it on his show and in the end, the band pulled the artwork and replaced it with something non controversial. With echoes of Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s “Relax”, all the press attention just increased sales of the single. Jarvis used both these TOTP appearances to make wry observations on all the fuss. In the “Mis-Shapes” performance, he channels his inner Bob Geldof and reads a copy of the Daily Mirror with that front cover during the middle eight and in this one, he finishes the song by producing an origami bird sculpture. Nicely done Jarvis.

One of the most interesting hits of the year now as we get Kylie Minogue and Nick Cave with “Where The Wild Roses Grow”. Everybody at the time was talking about how had this duet come about, so unlikely was the pairing – Cave, the gothic Prince of doomy art rock with the intimidatingly deep voice and Kylie, the Princess of Pop. Really though, there was no great story behind it. They were both Aussies and Nick really liked Kylie and so he wrote a song for her. Well, I say ‘liked’ but in his own words Cave described himself as having:

“…a quiet obsession with her for about six years.”

Jenkins, Jeff; Meldrum, Ian (2007). Molly Meldrum presents 50 Years of Rock in Australia. Melbourne, Vic: Wilkinson Publishing. p. 227. ISBN 978-1-921332-11-1.

Hmm. Doesn’t sound like the best starting point for a friendship but still. The song he came up with after a few ‘inappropriate” (his words again not mine) attempts was a murder ballad, that dark sub genre of the ballad form that told the narrative of a crime and (usually) gruesome death. I suppose that wasn’t your typical subject matter for a chart hit in 1995. However, it was quite brilliant – haunting, disturbing and yet beautifully melodic with both singers telling their version of the story superbly in tandem. It wasn’t just their differing musical backgrounds that made the duet so curious (though Kylie was well into her first career transformation from perceived SAW puppet to dance diva by this point) but their physical appearance. Cave has naturally…erm…striking (?) looks whilst Kylie has those fine, beautiful features but then there’s also the height difference – it really shouldn’t have worked but it absolutely did.

Around fifteen years after this TOTP performance, I did my own version of “Where The Wild Roses Grow” in a guitar class I was attending at the time, as a duet with a fellow student called Lisa. It even got recorded by the teacher. If only I could work out how to get it embedded into this post…

Simply Red are No 1 again with “Fairground” and this is already the third time in four weeks that it’s featured on the show. Mick Hucknall is, by all accounts, a massive…wait for it…Man United fan (you thought I was going to say something different then didn’t you?!) so no doubt he would have been delighted that his beloved team beat Liverpool in the FA Cup quarter final on Sunday just gone. Somebody who wasn’t impressed was my Hucknall despising mate Robin who texted me at the final whistle to say that United’s victory was the “footballing equivalent of a new Simply Red album”. I was just glad the result stopped Liverpool’s pursuit of a quadruple and thereby putting a spoke in the wheel of the media’s Jürgen Klopp love in. Jürgen Klopp…now he really is a “bleep” to quote Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown!

Order of appearanceArtistTitleDid I buy it?
1SleeperWhat Do I Do NowLiked it, didn’t buy it
2Smokie and Roy ‘Chubby’ BrownWho The F**k Is Alice?Away with you!
3Cypress HillThrow Your Set In The AirI did not
4Oleta AdamsNever Knew LoveNah
5Iron MaidenFalling DownNope
6LouiseLight Of My LifeNo
7PulpMis-Shapes / Sorted For E’s And WhizzNo but I had the album Different Class with them on
8Nick Cave and Kylie MinogueWhere The Wild Roses GrowNo but I sang it!
9Simply RedFairgroundNever!

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001wsmh/top-of-the-pops-05101995?seriesId=unsliced

TOTP 09 DEC 1993

In the last post I made a claim that the No 1 was a bit of an anticlimax on the grounds that it followed the biggest boy band around who performed in the studio against a backdrop of 3D images (ooh!). By comparison, the No 1 was in its seventh week at the top and we were surely all getting a bit fed up of its video. It doesn’t seem right though does it? TOTP was always a chart based show highlighting which songs were the most popular in a chronological way via the chart countdown. Despite the use of such a linear tool, the implication is that the excitement heightens as we get to the nation’s favourite song. But what if said record doesn’t deserve such a reception? I realise this leaves me open to accusations of musical snobbery but if the No 1 is so heinous, what’s the plan? The question is especially relevant to this particular TOTP as, like a Tory minister doubling down on a failed economic policy, the ending of this show has two terrible songs.

Having said all of the above, the start of the show is pretty ropey as well. Bad Boys Inc were one of the many awful boy bands that appeared in the wake of Take That during the 90s. The whole thing reeked of cynicism with no more of a bigger example than this slushy ballad aimed at the Christmas market. After, two uptempo pop singles had made them bona fide chart stars (albeit in quite a minor way), they took that well worn path of releasing a slowie as their third single to, you know, showcase their diversity. The fact that it was shoved out into the marketplace as Christmas approached was surely just coincidence no? “Walking On Air” (note the similarity of title to established festive tune “Walking In The Air” from The Snowman) was ghastly whilst the performance here (I can’t find it in YouTube as nobody seems interested in recording it for posterity) is just as dire. The lead singer out front forever putting his hand to his heart to show his sincerity backed by three twirling, sliding goons all performing on a bed of dry ice. What a shower!

Disregarding the Bee Gees, I haven’t heard such high pitched vocals since Modern Romance did their ballad “Walking In The Rain” a decade earlier. What is it with ballads and the word ‘walking’? “Walking In Air”, “Walking In The Rain”, “Walking In Memphis” and of course who could forget George Michael’s ‘guilty feet’ in “Careless Whisper”. The record buying public showed their lack of affection for Bad Boys Inc with their own feet by walking past their local record shop and therefore not buying their single. It peaked at No 24.

Now here’s a very old track (even in 1993) which was suddenly and maybe surprisingly a very big hit. Sudden because it’s gone straight into the chart at No 5 and surprising because when it was first released in 1981 it did nothing at all sales wise. There is a reason for its explosion of popularity though and as usual it’s to do with record company promotional activities. “Controversy” was the title track from Prince’s fourth studio album and by 1993 he’d added another ten to that number so why was it plucked for single release at this point in his career? To advertise a Best Of album of course. “The Hits 1”, “The Hits 2” and “The Hits / The B sides” was a triple headed beast of a release documenting The Purple One’s best/most well known/biggest (delete as applicable) songs so far. Previous single “Peach” was released in the October to promote the set but that was a brand new composition I think. To give the Best Ofs an extra push for Christmas, another single was required and “Controversy” was selected for the job. Did I know this track? Don’t think I did. I only cottoned onto Prince from about 1983 when conversely “1999” was in the charts the first time around. Did I like it? Not that much. Was I surprised that it was such a big hit? Yes I was. As with “Peach” though, the two CD singles contained hits that weren’t included on the Hits albums plus there was a William Orbit remix of “The Future” so maybe that was it?

We’re back to this trend of the TOTP hosts telling us that an artist should have been on the show but can’t be because they’re ill/indisposed etc. I asked the other week why they bothered with this practice as they could have just shown the video without saying anything and we wouldn’t have known any better. This week, they’ve doubled down like…ah I’ve been here before haven’t I? They have made a complete spectacle of this issue though with Gabrielle. According to presenter Mark Franklin she can’t perform in the studio tonight and the reason is…Well, let’s ask Gabrielle herself because she’s in the actual studio! What?! Mark asks her if she’s OK and Gabrielle days “Not at the moment because I’ve got flu”. Got flu?! Got flu?! Why aren’t you in bed Gabrielle?! This is madness! Look, when I’ve had flu I’ve had to crawl to the bathroom if I needed the loo on my hands and knees. The idea that I could have got myself into a TV studio and been interviewed in front of a TV audience of millions is just unconscionable. I don’t wish to doubt her but really?!

Anyway, enough of the health issues, what about the music? Well, I’m guessing that Gabrielle’s record label were ever so slightly uncomfortable at this point. After the euphoria of a No 1 single with her debut single “Dreams”, might they have been expecting a bigger follow up hit than the No 9 that the unfortunately entitled “Going Nowhere” supplied? If so, then a lot must have been riding on “I Wish”. Sadly, it wasn’t really up to the task being a fairly average piece of soul/pop and it peaked at No 26. Maybe it just got lost in the Christmas rush. Gabrielle would recover to bag a further eight Top 10 hits including No 1 “Rise” in 2000. Seems like Gabrielle’s wish came true.

The Bee Gees are up to No 6 in an unexpected tilt at the Christmas No 1 spot with “For Whom The Bell Tolls”. To mark the event we get a live by satellite performance from New York. As with the vast majority of these satellite specials, it’s a total let down. Maybe I’m viewing them through 2022 eyes and in 1993 it may have been a major event but I can’t help but think it’s totally lame. A completely uneventful run through of the song performed underneath Brooklyn Bridge is interlaced with some totally non related shots of ice skating at the Rockefeller Center. And that’s it. Yes, it’s a cinematic backdrop I guess with the Statue of Liberty visible in the background and a helicopter comes into view at one point but I was more fascinated by who the fourth Bee Gee was up there with Barry, Maurice and Robin.

There’s an easy line to be written here about the next artist and the title of her latest single but I’m not that obvious. All I’ll say is that 1993 is surely a year that Dina Carroll would never forget. Five hit singles and an album that was the highest selling debut by a British female artist in UK chart history at the time? It was the stuff of dreams. The last of those five hits was “The Perfect Year” which was from the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Sunset Boulevard. It seemed a bit of an anomaly to me at the time. Firstly, it wasn’t on the aforementioned album (“So Close”) which confused and upset a few punters in the Our Price store I was working in and wouldn’t appear on an album until Dina’s sophomore effort “Only Human” appeared a whole three years later.

Secondly, the schedule for its release had clearly been set to cash in on the Christmas holidays market with the lyrics even referencing New Year’s Eve but it was hampered by the extended success of previous single “Don’t Be A Stranger”. So well received had it been that it was still in the Top 10 and outsold “The Perfect Year” on the latter’s first week of release. Clearly, record label A&M would not have wanted her previous hit to be splitting sales of her new one but because of the latter’s Christmas theme, they couldn’t keep it back any later. Dina having two simultaneous hits added to the customer confusion in store:

Customer: Do you have the Dina Carroll single?

Me: Which one? There’s two

Customer: The one that’s in the charts

Me: They both are

Customer: The one that’s a big ballad

Me: They both are

Customer: Well, I’ll get her album then I’m covered

Me: Her album doesn’t have both singles on it

Customer: Are you having a laugh?

Me: Not really, no

Dina’s performance here is very professional but then she’d had plenty of practice at being on TOTP that year. It felt like she was on the show every other week. Her black and white outfit is very effective against the Wintery backdrop though those impractical, oversized sleeves must have been a nightmare at the dinner table. Also, why did they feel the need to insert some clips (presumably) from the video while Dina was singing? They looked so incongruous. Children running across a field and then staring at the camera motionless – why? Then there’s the old fella. The expression he had on his face reminded me of something and it’s this. My sadly departed mother-in-law used to work as a receptionist in a doctor’s surgery and would sometimes bring home freebies from the pharmaceutical companies like mugs. She had one that was just an old man grinning on it. The first time I saw it I couldn’t understand why anyone would have that image on a mug and then I turned it around and saw the drug it was advertising – it was a brand of laxative. Aaah…

“The Perfect Year” had to settle for a chart peak of No 5, two places lower than “Don’t Be A Stranger”.

Four Breakers now starting with UB40 whose single “Bring Me Your Cup” I don’t recall at all. It was the third track lifted from their “Promises And Lies” album and listening to it now, it’s actually a lot better than I was expecting. It starts out very understated but forms an unexpected ear worm very quickly with its lilting rhythm allied to Ali Campbell’s soothing vocals. Should probably have been a bigger hit than No 24 but then the album had been out for over four months by then so maybe it was to be expected. Not a bad effort though.

In amongst the endless diet of Eurodance bollocks that 1993 served up there were the occasional morsels of unexpected taste. Songs that would appear for no apparent reason and then the artist would pretty much disappear again. Off the top of my head I’m thinking Spin Doctors, The Frank and Walters and this lot – Blind Melon. These US psychedelic rockers reminded me of fellow countrymen Jellyfish who similarly are known in this country for one hit and not much else despite there being so much more to them. Blind Melon’s contribution to the story of 1993 was “No Rain”, a hippy, trippy, winsome tune with some Beatles influences thrown in for good measure. It sounded like an antidote to some of the god awfulness populating the charts and yet again a complete outlier.

Helping to promote the song was the video featuring the ‘bee girl’, a tap dancer in a bee costume and large glasses who gets laughed off stage and then spends the rest of the film trying to dance for anyone who will let her. She eventually finds an unlikely outlet for her routine – a field of similarly dressed people all dancing together. The girl playing the character would become a bit of a star, hobnobbing with the likes of Madonna at the MTV awards before having a career as an actress appearing in two episodes of US medical drama ER. Blind Melon themselves would have two further very minor UK chart hits before disbanding in 1999. They have reformed a couple of times since despite the drugs overdose death of vocalist Shannon Hoon.

Name a Pet Shop Boys single released in 1993? “Go West” right? Has to be. No? “Can You Forgive Her” then? Still not the one you’re thinking of? “I Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind Of Thing” – well, no I don’t habitually spend hours trying to remember the titles of Pet Shop Boys singles but…oh, of course! That was the third track released from their “Very” album and in many ways is the quintessential PSB song. Eccentric title? Check! Swirly synth back beat? Check! Gloriously catchy, camp melody? Check! Typically deadpan vocals from Neil Tennant? Check! This was what they did best. Sadly, I think it got caught up in the Christmas rush and didn’t even make the Top 10, peaking at No 13.

The kaleidoscopic video features Chris and Neil in daft wigs that make the former look like Mike Flowers of Mike Flowers Pops (two years before anybody knew who he was) and the latter like Louis Balfour, host of The Fast Show’s Jazz Club. Nice!

The final Breaker comes from “the most successful rap group of 1993” according to host Mark Franklin. Were Cypress Hill that big?

*checks their bio*

Seems they were. The band have sold 20 million albums worldwide and in 1993 their second album “Black Sunday” went straight into the US charts at No 1 selling 261,000 copies in its first week. Their eponymous debut album was also still on the charts at the same time and they became the first hip hop artist to have two albums in the Top 10 simultaneously.

From “Black Sunday” came this third single “I Ain’t Goin’ Out Like That”. I’d liked the House Of Pain sounding “Insane In The Brain” (who couldn’t?) but by this one I’d probably lost interest. Maybe I had a beef with them as the album was one of those that always needed a temporary inlay card to display it otherwise the real CD cover would get nicked especially as the booklet contained 19 facts about the history of hemp and the positive attributes of cannabis. The middle class, white kids in Altrincham where I was working loved all of that stuff and especially those T-shirts and posters with the image of an alien on them with a massive reefer blazing up bearing the legend ‘Take me to your dealer’. Laughed their arses off at that every time.

“I Ain’t Goin’ Out Like That” peaked at No 15.

We have arrived at the first of those two terrible songs that end the show. By 1993, Cliff Richard was absolutely synonymous with Christmas. Not only had he claimed the festive No 1 twice since 1988 (thrice if you count his contribution to Band Aid II) but he seemed to have a tilt at it every year. “We Should Be Together” was his offering in 1991 peaking at No 10 and “I Still Believe In You” was strategically released in late November the following year to try and capture those Christmas sales making it to No 7. Come 1993 and Cliff was chancing his arm once more with “Healing Love”. Not a specifically Christmas themed song for once, it was actually the last of five singles released from his “The Album”…erm…album. It was co-written by Nik Kershaw who knows his way around a decent pop tune but this definitely wasn’t one of them. It’s not just that it’s a sluggish, turgid, completely unexceptional tune but the lyrics are dreadful. Really hackneyed stuff about losing the battle but winning the war and how about this for a line a seven year old could have written…

“Now I can see that you’re feeling sad…”

Come on! For this performance, Cliff has turned up in a jacket and tie and looks like he’s got his schedule wrong and was expecting to be on Wogan and not TOTP. As ever, he’s brought with him that guy from the aforementioned Modern Romance as one of his backing singers who’s been with him since “Mistletoe And Wine”.

“Healing Love” never hit a sniff at topping the charts peaking at No 19 but Cliff never really gave up on his quest for another Christmas No 1. The following year, he teamed up with his old pal Phil Everly for a double A-side of “All I Have To Do Is Dream” and a remix of his old hit “Miss You Nights” but it topped out at No 14. He couldn’t have come any closer in 1999 with the divisive “The Millennium Prayer” which actually went to No 1 and was still top of the pile with just one week to go before being toppled by Westlife. Undeterred, he went again in 2003 (“Santa’s List” – No 5) and 2006 (“21st Century Christmas” – No 2) and this year he has released a Christmas album. Cliff was 82 in October. You have to admire his longevity if not his music.

Just…just…f*****g WHY?! What were people thinking?! Oh, yeah. Of course. There was no thinking happening at all. A complete lack of brain activity. How else can you explain this total failure of any sense of taste on such a widespread scale? This monumental aberration. Nothing about “Mr Blobby” by Mr Blobby deserved anything but our complete contempt. So why was it f*****g No 1? Were 5 year olds (or their parents) buying it? When The Teletubbies became a phenomenon a few years later with the pre school population and released a record, I could just about understand parents doing just that but Mr Blobby wasn’t quite the same type of character. His beginnings weren’t on children’s TV but an early evening light entertainment show presumably not being watched by toddlers so who was his single appealing to? It certainly wasn’t funny and neither was its accompanying video which featured a number of celebrity cameos. Obviously, Edmonds was there being responsible for the whole debacle but there’s also a very young looking Jeremy Clarkson as Mr Blobby’s limo driver, Carole Vorderman, Wayne Sleep and bizarrely ex-footballer and pundit Garth Crooks. Mr Blobby is seen in various scenes where he inevitably falls over destroying everything in his path which includes parodies of four well known recent pop promos – “Addicted To Love” by Robert Palmer, “Rhythm Is A Dancer” by Snap!, “I Can’t Dance” by Genesis and “Stay” by Shakespear’s Sister. The last one particularly grinds my gears for the pure reason that it uses actual footage of the original in the parody – why? We all knew which video it was lampooning when the camera switched to the lookalike Marcella Detroit so why try and install some credibility by using images of the real one? I don’t know why this especially offends me but it does. Anyway, this madness will all be over soon as Take That will be top of the charts next week and surely also the Christmas No 1 won’t it? Won’t it?

Order of appearanceArtistTitleDid I buy it?
1Bad Boys IncWalking On AirOf course not
2Prince ControversyNo
3GabrielleI WishNope
4Bee GeesFor Whom The Bell TollsI did not
5Dina CarrollThe Perfect YearNah
6UB40Bring Me Your CupNegative
7Blind MelonNo RainNo but maybe should have
8Pet Shop BoysI Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind Of ThingNo but I assume it’s on their Pop Art Best Of which I have
9Cypress HillI Ain’t Goin’ Out Like ThatIt’s another no
10Cliff RichardHealing LoveNever happening
11Mr BlobbyMr BlobbyWhat do you think?

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001frnn/top-of-the-pops-09121993