Geri Halliwell

TOTP 21 MAY 1999

Looking at the running order for this TOTP, there’s only three songs in it that I remember how they sound and one of those I really wish I didn’t. And this from a man who was working in a mainstream record chain at the time (I even have photo evidence that I’ll share at some point). I mean, I must have sold some of these singles over the counter to customers – they might as well have been tins of beans it seems.

Our host is Scott Mills and we start with the one hit that I so wish I could delete from my memory banks. 1999 had already given us some resolutely dubious moments but we have arrived at the point in time when it offered up the Shania Twain crossover pivot. Up until now, the Canadian singer had been of a definite country flavour to those of us who were not members of her fan base, the casual listeners per se. She’d had a sizeable hit with an inoffensive ballad in “You’re Still The One” and a couple of minor charting follow ups but I’d thought that maybe that would be that for Shania and never the Twain would meet with the UK Top 40 again.

However, I hadn’t banked on “That Don’t Impress Me Much”. I can’t tell you him much this song annoys me. Actually, I can. I HATE IT! I DETEST IT! I DESPISE IT! Why? Because of its inane lyrics that name check Brad Pitt and the way she delivers them especially when the song pauses and she almost sarcastically speaks rather than sings the lines. Then there’s the hideous synth sound parping away in the background that makes it sound like an advertising jingle. Most of all though, I can’t stand that so many people not just bought into the song but actually bought it in enough copies to take it to No 3 for three consecutive weeks and for it to spend nearly five months inside the Top 40. “That Don’t Impress Me Much” was the crucial piece of the pie that transformed Shania from a country singer to a mainstream pop star peddling material that allowed the record buying public to convince themselves that their tastes hadn’t been hijacked by country & western music. It wasn’t even ‘new country’, it was…country-pop? Pop- country? Not very snappy is it? Perhaps if I shortened the word ‘country’? Oh. Well, that particular amalgamation results in an unfortunate (if accurate) description. Whatever it was, it didn’t impress me much. Ahem. Unbelievably, as soon as “That Don’t Impress Me Much” finally dropped out of the charts, Shania released an even more nauseating single in “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!”! but I can only deal with so much bad music from a single artist in one post.

So all that promotion, all that marketing, all that hype couldn’t actually deliver Geri Halliwell a No 1 with her debut solo single “Look At Me”. In the end, she couldn’t get past a Boyzone cover version of yet another ballad and had to be content with the runners up spot. It must have been a disappointment to her and her label but it would all turn out OK as her next four singles did top the charts. Three of them were from her album “Schizophonic” which went double platinum in the UK, selling two million copies worldwide. I guess commercial popularity didn’t come in spades for Robbie Williams initially so maybe team Geri didn’t panic.

However, despite a continuation of that success into the new millennium with her cover of “It’s Raining Men” going to No 1 in 2001, that old chestnut diminishing returns raised its head again. It left a calling card with sophomore album “Scream If You Wanna Go Faster” which made the Top 5 but sold a sixth of its predecessor. By the time of third album “Passion” in 2005, (who knew there was a third album!), diminishing returns was banging on Geri’s front door demanding to be let in. After 12 months of being on the shelves, it had only sold 10,000 copies. Very few people seemed to be looking at or, more crucially, listening to Geri at that time.

OK so here’s a potentially unpopular opinion – why were Space dismissed as a novelty group (including by my friend Robin who described them as a “joke band”) but Super Furry Animals were seen as credible, authentic and cool (Cymru)? Weren’t there a fair few similarities between the two bands? Both had a quirky sound that was hard to define with beguiling lyrics drawn from unconventional subject matter featuring unusual musical instruments. Both had lead singers with distinctive voices and an anti-pop image and both seemed to achieve commercial success by not bandwagon jumping nor riding the zeitgeist. And yet, it see seems to me, that it was the Welsh band that were taken more seriously than their Liverpool counterparts. I could be wrong of course. But then I listen to something like “Northern Lites” and I think there is something in my comparison. It’s typically Super Furry Animals in that it’s an untypical pop song featuring what sounds like a Mariachi band and a steel drum somewhere in the mix.

Isn’t there a Space song that features a Mariachi band? If not then something similar? After all, their musical mission statement was described thusly:

“Space is all about making songs with all the latest technology and throwing every genre of music into the mix to come up with something mad.”

Tommy Scott, summing up Space’s approach to Transatlantic Modern in 2020.

Anyway, I quite liked “Northern Lites” though it isn’t one of my absolute favourites of theirs. Also, what was with the costumes that some of the guys up there on stage were wearing? What were they meant to be? Super Furry Animals? They look like badly designed football club mascots but then, as we’re talking about comparisons, nothing will ever compare to Kingsley, the Patrick Thistle FC mascot…

I’ve said this many times in this blog but there was clearly lots more to Skunk Anansie than my initial recollection of them which was basically their hit single “Weak”. The band’s many TOTP appearances (they were on ten times in total performing eight different songs, itself an indication of the breadth of their back catalogue) has introduced me to much more about them than I remembered or imagined there might be.

This week in 1999 they showed us what they would have done with a song for a James Bond movie had they ever been commissioned to do so. “Secretly” (even the song title had a spy/secret agent vibe) had a string section backing to it that sparked 007 connections in my synapses. The verses are delicately delivered leading into a beautifully elongated chorus which showcased one of Skin’s more controlled vocals. Apparently the song did feature in a film but not of the James Bond variety – it plays over the credits of the 1999 teen romantic drama Cruel Intentions which was based on the 1782 novel Les Liaisons Dangereuses.

Duane Harden didn’t have much luck when it came to establishing his name as a singer did he? Despite being the vocalist on a No 1 record, most people knew it as an Armand Van Helden track (even the song’s title rubbed the salt in – “You Don’t Know Me”). Undeterred, for his next release, he teamed up with New York disco house DJ Lenny Fontana (a better pop star name than Duane Harden I would suggest – the latter sounds more like a porn than pop star) aka Powerhouse and they delivered No 13 hit and dance chart No 1 “What You Need”. Nothing to do with the early INXS single, it actually sampled a Thelma Houston tune but reminded me of 1986 Chicago house anthem “Love Can’t Turn Around” by Farley ‘Jackmaster’ Funk featuring Darryl Pandy. Not that I know what I’m talking about of course. What I do know is that Duane never did have another UK Top 40 hit. Seemingly Harden didn’t have what we needed ultimately.

Referring back to my statement at the start of this post, I think I may have reached the crossover point where there are more songs in the 1999 charts that I don’t know than there are that I do. Who the hell were 1000 Clowns and why did their lead singer and rapper Kevi look like such a big dork? “(Not the) Greatest Rapper” was their only UK hit and it’s another track that reminds me of something else. We’d heard a flute riff (do flutes have riffs?) on a dance/rap hit back in 1993 courtesy of Stakka Bo and their song “Here We Go”…

I have to say I prefer Stakka Bo to 1000 Clowns. Maybe it’s the slower bpm or the delivery from Kevi but it just sounds (and looks) so lame. Death by 1000 cuts or listen to 1000 Clowns? The answer is the latter of course but it really shouldn’t have been that close a call.

When Oasis announced that they were reforming for a world tour, many leapt to the conclusion that it was to pay for Noel Gallagher’s divorce. If it was, he wasn’t the first Mancunian rock star to pull such a stunt. Back in 1999, the Happy Mondays were suddenly back together allegedly to help pay off outstanding tax bills owed by Shaun Ryder to HMRC. Following the legendary disastrous gestation period and release of the band’s fourth studio album “Yes Please!” had brought about the end of Factory Records, the Mondays were no more and Ryder and Bez moved on to Black Grape. A comeback looked very unlikely but, as so often is the case, money is the root of all reunions and so an international and UK tour was undertaken including two nights at the Brixton Academy and a sell out of the 20,000 capacity Manchester Arena. They even supported the aforementioned Oasis on their ‘Standing On The Shoulders Of Giants’ tour.

Obviously, a Greatest Hits album was released to tie in with all this touring and to promote that, a single was released. A very loose cover version of Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys Are Back In Town” was selected for the job which is what we are ‘treated’ to in this TOTP appearance, their first for nearly seven years and only fifth in total. Still, that’s not a bad number for a group that were banned from the show following their first appearance after Ryder told a pompous BBC suit to “f**k off knobhead” backstage. The disparity from the attitude of that initial TOTP outing to the nonsense of this appearance is striking. If it looks like a shambles and sounds like a shambles, it is a shambles. Just awful to watch and I say that as someone who has seen the Happy Mondays live. The band have reformed and disbanded a few times since but are currently touring to celebrate the 35th anniversary of the release of “Pills ‘N’ Thrills And Bellyaches”. I’m betting that “The Boys Are Back In Town” doesn’t make the set list.

So here’s the song that beat that much promoted Geri Halliwell single to the top spot and it’s yet another crappy Boyzone cover version. Apparently their label Polydor gave them the option of delaying the release of “You Needed Me” by a week to avoid going head to head with Halliwell but they declined the option presumably because they were supremely confident in their own single’s ability to shift units or they’d got to the point where they didn’t care anymore. I think the latter might be the case. Whatever the truth is, it was surely one in the eye for Geri.

Originally an American No 1 for Anne Murray in 1978 (it only made No 22 over here), Boyzone’s take on “You Needed Me” meant that seven of their fifteen hits up to this point had been other people’s songs – nearly half of them. Cover versions also accounted for three of their total of six No 1s (of which this was the final one). Perhaps the most significant stat though was that the last three UK chart toppers in 1999 were by boybands – Westlife, Backstreet Boys and now Boyzone. Was girl power over?

Order of appearance	Artist	Title	Did I buy it?
1	Shania Twain	That Don’t Impress Me Much	NOOOOOO!
2	Geri Halliwell	Look At Me	Nah
3	Super Furry Animals	Northern Lites	Nope
4	Skunk Anansie	Secretly	Negative
5	Powerhouse featuring Duane Harden	What You Need	It wasn’t
6	1000 Clowns	(Not the) Greatest Rapper	No
7	Happy Mondays	The Boys Are Back In Town	I did not
8	Boyzone	You Needed Me	Never

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002s7dl/top-of-the-pops-21051999

TOTP 07 MAY 1999

Posted on March 9 by 80stastic

It’s early May 1999 here at TOTP Rewind and that can only mean one thing – the culmination of the football season! Despite only losing three games all season, my beloved Chelsea have blown the league by drawing too many matches and would finish third to a Man United team on their way to an historic treble. However, it was in League Division Three where all the drama was the day after this TOTP aired. Specifically, at Brunton Park, Carlisle where a near legendary game would play out. Carlisle United were fighting a dire relegation battle which, if lost, would condemn them to demotion to non-league football. It would be either them or Scarborough who would fall through the trap door. Carlisle needed a win but with time running out, the score in their game was locked at 1-1. Scarborough’s match had finished and they were safe as things stood but a Carlisle goal would reverse that situation and relegate Scarborough. With just 10 seconds left on the clock, the home team won a corner and Carlisle’s goalkeeper, one Jimmy Glass, was given the signal from his manager to go up the pitch to join in one last attack. Glass was only playing after being loaned from Swindon Town after a Carlisle goalkeeping emergency and this would be the last of three games he ever played for them. As the corner came in, this happened…

…pure, chaotic drama with a fairytale ending (for Carlisle at least). It’s the stuff of legend. However, for Glass, this wouldn’t be the fillip to his career that some might have assumed. There was no big money move to an elite club following his heroics; in fact, Carlisle United didn’t even sign him permanently and he only played a handful of professional games for a couple of clubs before drifting into non-league football and ultimately retiring from the game aged just 27. I wonder if any Glass related parallels can be drawn with the acts on this episode of TOTP?

Our host is Kate Thornton, and just as Jimmy Glass’s time at Carlisle United was coming to an end, this would be her final TOTP appearance. She only got to present ten shows which is a shame I think as she seemed a fairly safe pair of hands. Her first duty on her valedictory programme is to introduce Phats & Small on their fourth appearance on the show with “Turn Around”. There really can’t be anything else to say about this one can there? Well, it was back on TOTP as it had risen from No 8 to No 7 having already peaked at No 2. Yeah, that’s not exactly riveting reading material is it? I did notice that Phats & Small (the blokes on the decks as opposed to the singer) were wearing Skint Records T-shirts despite not being on that label – they were on Multiply, the people who brought us Sash! Skint was the home of Fatboy Slim and was based in Brighton which is where Phats & Small were from hence the connection I’m guessing? Russell Small is a big Brighton fan and they were in the same division as Carlisle United in 1998/99 finishing 17th out of 24, with only seven more points than bottom club Scarborough.

Jimmy Glass moment: You can’t get a bigger ‘turnaround’ moment than a last ditch winner to save your team from relegation can you?

It’s four consecutive appearances for Martine McCutcheon on the show but two of them were while “Perfect Moment” was at No 1 so I can’t argue with that. She was still in the Top 5 by the time of this final outing. Even so, it seems a little bit like overkill to me but then I wasn’t writing a TOTP blog back in 1999 and not watching two shows back to back as per the BBC4 schedule of repeats in 2026 so maybe I wouldn’t have noticed back then. As with Phats & Small, I’m struggling to find anything else to say about this one. Let me trawl the internet for a minute…

*blogger trawls internet*

Oh this is brilliant! No, really. Martine once went on a date with Mick Hucknall. She was very nervous, was drinking continually, hadn’t eaten anything and when she got in a car with him and the engine turned over she spewed all over him! Just fabulous work!

Jimmy Glass moment: Is there a more ‘perfect moment’ in football than Jimmy’s last minute winner?

If any of us thought that The Offspring’s chart topper “Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)” was destined to be a one-off, well we were right and wrong. The US pop-punk rockers never did have another UK No 1 but they came within a whisker of bagging another when follow up “Why Don’t You Get A Job?” debuted at No 2 meaning that they certainly weren’t one-hit wonders. However, avoiding that status didn’t come without criticism. Nobody with even a perfunctory knowledge of The Beatles could listen to “Why Don’t You Get A Job?” and not immediately think “Hang on, that’s “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da”!”. And it was although the lyrics were very different to the Fab Four’s original, detailing two miserable sounding relationships from the point of view of both a man and a woman complaining about the laziness of their partners and their lack of any discernible income. The opening two lines include the word “bitch” which the BBC censors decided to muffle for this TOTP appearance. I don’t think they did that when Meredith Brooks was on the show but then I think the gender of the singer was pivotal there. Given the song that it was based on, “Why Don’t You Get A Job?” was always going to be a catchy tune which certainly didn’t harm its chart chances though Bryan ‘Dexter’ Holland’s strained live vocals in this performance might have adversely affected them. He really couldn’t hit those higher notes. It’s a very scratchy affair altogether.

Of course, Scottish band Marmalade beat The Offspring to it by over 30 years with an actual cover of “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da”!” which went to No 1 in the UK though this little known pop song from the 80s always makes me think that Owen Paul had been listening to The Beatles’ original when he recorded it.

Jimmy Glass moment: When Jimmy’s football career ended, he needed to go and get a conventional job and worked as both an IT salesman and a taxi driver.

With another airing for “No Scrubs” by TLC, it means that three of the first four hits on this show were clocking up their fourth TOTP appearance. Come on Cowey! Sort it out! And no, I don’t care that TLC were up to No 3, their highest position in six weeks. However, the chart trajectory of this single is interesting. A debut at No 7 followed by an immediate drop out of the Top 10 to No 13. An expected descent down the Top 40 failed to materialise as “No Scrubs” lurched back into the Top 10 where it would remain for seven weeks. Even within that time period it moved up and down before finally reaching its peak of No 3 having fallen as low as No 9 the week before. How to explain this? It may be something to do with the delayed release of the its accompanying video. An MTV Award winning, sci-fi themed promo featuring the group in different coloured space suits, was its eventual delivery to video channels linked to its rise up the charts? If so, TOTP clearly didn’t get the memo/video as they stuck to showing that same satellite performance for every one of its four appearances on the show. Am I overstating the importance of this video? Maybe but there is some context to this situation, specifically that the group weren’t allowed into Europe for promotional duties possibly due to Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez’s criminal record following an incident in 1994 when she set fire to her boyfriend’s trainers which led to their mansion burning down.

One more thing, the intro to this one from Kate Thornton is a bit inappropriate. “Now going up the charts, those bad girls from Atlanta. No scrubs, no scrubbers – it’s TLC!”. No scrubbers Kate? And I thought she was a safe pair of hands!

Jimmy Glass moment: “No Scrubs” is from an album called “Fanmail” and I’m sure that Jimmy Glass got some fan mail after his last minute heroics in 1999.

Well, this is a damn shame. Of the three singles released from the sophomore album “100% Colombian” by Fun Lovin’ Criminals, the one which I bought – “Big Night Out” – is the only one that failed to warrant a TOTP appearance. Boo! Not that the two that did make it were worthless – they weren’t – but..you know. Anyway, the third of those releases was “Korean Bodega” which does sound pretty cool compared to most of its chart contemporaries but also very familiar. It’s something about that guitar riff that runs through it. I can’t place which song it reminds me of but it’s certainly recognisable.

Despite it happening in 2021, I’m not sure that I was aware that Huey Morgan had left the band. They are still an ongoing entity but it’s kind of hard to imagine them without their charismatic frontman. The band have released one album since Huey’s departure but continue to perform live.

Jimmy Glass moment: There is a track on the “100% Colombian” album called “All My Time Is Gone” which was so nearly true for Carlisle United that day in 1999 until Jimmy Glass strode forward into the box with ten seconds to go…

It’s the return of Cast next whom we had not seen in the Top 40 for 18 months. Indeed, it had been two years since their last album “Mother Nature Calls” which, though a commercial success, had divided critics. Third album “Magic Hour” therefore had a lot riding on it. The lead single from it was “Beat Mama”, a relentlessly upbeat track with a looped guitar riff and sparse, almost non-specific lyrics. Maybe the latter didn’t matter though as it was all about the feel. I liked it I have to say.

However, when I think about “Beat Mama”, its sound isn’t the first thing that comes to mind. Let me explain. The week that it came out, the shop stereo in the Our Price store I was working in suddenly stopped working one morning. That’s pretty much a disaster for a record shop. As a last resort, we brought down to the shop floor the only thing we had that could play music – a tiny, portable CD player/radio that was in the stock room that staff working in there could listen to. It sounded tinny and pathetic as we opened the doors to the public. The first CD that we put on to play through it? “Beat Mama”. We couldn’t spend the whole day with this as the output for our in-store music so I decided to try and fix the shop stereo’s misfiring speakers. Quite why I thought I had the knowledge to do this I don’t know. Somehow I did get them working again though – it must have been something simple like a loose connection. However, at one point I had the speakers wired up so that two different songs were playing out of them at the same time. How did I manage that? To this day I’m wary of doing anything technical in our house beyond changing a light bulb on account of this.

Jimmy Glass moment: Cast hail from Liverpool. In May 2021, Liverpool FC’s goalkeeper Alisson scored a 95th minute winning goal versus WBA with a header prompting immediate comparisons with Jimmy Glass.

Despite this being its second time on the show, you still couldn’t actually buy “Look At Me” by Geri Halliwell in the shops as it wasn’t released until the Monday after this TOTP aired. The promotion on this one was huge but then it was always going to be. The first official solo single by an (ex-) Spice Girl was big news. After being served up the official promo video on its last outing, we get an exclusive performance of the song this time, again introduced by Geri herself. It’s all very over the top with Halliwell backed by four male dancers on a set that includes an elaborate staircase and chaise longue as props. It all seems a bit forced to me, trying a bit too hard to make it look like Geri was this kooky, zany character that we hadn’t really been aware of before. In the end, all that promotion couldn’t quite deliver the expected and presumably desperately wanted No 1 with “Look At Me” debuting in second place.

*Mel B’s “I Want You Back” had featured Missy Elliott whilst Melanie C had duetted with Bryan Adams on “When You’re Gone” before “Look At Me”.

Jimmy Glass moment: After his legendary winning goal, the whole world was looking at Jimmy.

Westlife remains at No 1 with “Swear It Again” and if that wasn’t annoying enough, for this performance, they’ve ditched the stools I said they always sat on therefore making me look like a lier! Apart from one of them, they’re all dressed in white which was another affectation of theirs but no doubt the next time they’re on, they’ll be dressed as goths just to spite me again! I swear it!

Jimmy Glass moment: Westlife had a No 1 with a cover of ABBA’s “I Have A Dream” and there was no more dream like moment in football than Jimmy Glass’s last second winner.

Order of appearance	Artist	Title	Did I buy it?
1	Phats & Small	Turn Around	I did not
2	Martine McCutcheon	Perfect Moment	No
3	The Offspring	Why Don’t You Get A Job?	Nah
4	TLC	No Scrubs	Nope
5	Fun Lovin’ Criminals	Korean Bodega	Not this one but the one before it
6	Cast	Beat Mama	Good song but no
7	Geri Halliwell	Look At Me	No thanks
8	Westlife	Swear It Again	Never

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002rxqk/top-of-the-pops-07051999

TOTP 16 APR 1999

Posted on February 26 by 80stastic

In the previous show, Jamie Theakston made a reference to Manchester United footballer Ryan Giggs in his intro to Catatonia as the Welsh international had scored an important equaliser for his club in the first leg of their Champions League semi-final versus Juventus. His goal scoring form continued into another huge game – the FA Cup semi-final replay against title rivals Arsenal two days before this TOTP aired. Whilst the goal itself was pretty special, it was his celebration of it that remains uppermost in the memory. Removing his shirt and twirling it around his head, the full extent of the hairiness of the Giggs chest was revealed. Many gagging reflexes were put into operation at the sight. I think it was the shock factor more than anything else. Fancy that lath-thin, whippet-like Ryan Giggs having a big, manly, hairy chest like that. I wonder if any of tonight’s acts had hairy chests or failing that a connection to hair (other than the obvious one on their heads)?

Our host is Jayne Middlemiss (pretty sure she didn’t have a hairy chest) and the first artist on tonight is Phats & Small with their dance anthem hit “Turn Around”. This was only just on the previous show so I’m struggling to find anything else to say about it. I’ve said about vocalist Ben Ofoedu being engaged to TV broadcaster Vanessa Feltz, I’ve referenced their amusingly named album “Now Phats What I Small Music”…what else is there? Oh, the track itself. Well, yeah there is that I suppose. Well, I can hear why it was a success. It was a very accessible tune which crossed over from the dance floor to daytime radio which presumably helped prolong its chart life which clocked in at seven consecutive weeks inside the Top 10. Its legacy includes being voted in at No 38 in MTV Dance’s 2011 list of ‘The 100 Biggest 90’s Dance Anthems of All Time’. That do?

Hairy connection: DHT (a byproduct of testosterone) causes body hair to grow and head hair to shrink sometimes leading to the paradox of hairy men being bald on their heads. Testosterone is sometimes nicknamed ‘phat’.

Meatloaf was still having hits in 1999?! I know the 90s had been a renaissance decade for him what with “Bat Out Of Hell II” being a humongous sales phenomenon but that had been back in 1993. What’s that? He also had a big seller with the follow up “Welcome To The Neighbourhood” two years later? Well, yes he did and yes it delivered him three hit singles including the No 2 hit “I’d Lie For You (And That’s The Truth)” but that was still years prior. By the end of the 90s, he (or his record company) had resorted to yet another Best Of album (the 13th of 20 according to his discography) which was released the previous November just in time for the Christmas sales rush. How convenient/cynical. Ah, so that’s where this song comes from. The practice of releasing a Greatest Hits album but trailing it with a new track was well established by this point and Meatloaf wasn’t going to buck the trend. “Is Nothing Sacred” had originally been recorded for the “Welcome To The Neighbourhood” album but hadn’t made the cut at the time. It was recycled though for “The Very Best Of Meatloaf” when it was re-recorded as a duet with his go to female singer Patti Russo. It was, in fact, not originally scheduled for that role though as there was another song on that Greatest Hits album that was earmarked for that job which was “A Kiss Is A Terrible Thing To Waste” which had been The Loaf’s contribution to the Jim Steinman penned Whistle Down The Wind soundtrack. Indeed, Meat had been rumoured to be locked in as the artist to record “No Matter What” but that particular golden egg landed up in Boyzone’s laps. Had it gone the other way, I wouldn’t have been asking the question I posed at the start of this paragraph.

As for “Is Nothing Sacred”, despite its place in that Greatest Hits album, it certainly wasn’t one of his very best, being a piss poor imitation of some of those classic hits. There would be a few more charting singles into the new millennium but Meatloaf’s death in 2022 aged 74 meant that 2016’s “Braver Than We Are” would be his last ever album and there would be no more and that’s the truth.

Hairy connection: Well, apart from the obvious long hair he sported in the “Bat Out Of Hell” era, Meatloaf also appeared in the musical Hair on and off Broadway.

It’s a repeat of that satellite performance by TLC of “No Scrubs” next. This was another of those remarkably hardy hits that enjoyed an extended chart life, spending two months inside the Top 10 eventually peaking at No 3. However, looking in more detail at its chart stats, there was a moment when things might have panned out differently. After debuting at No 7 it actually dropped to No 13 the following week and at that point you would have been forgiven for thinking that it would continue to spiral down the charts. Not so though as a third week reversal of fortunes saw it climb back into the Top 10 where it would remain for seven consecutive weeks. Even then, there were undulations within that period with the single moving to No 6 then dropping to No 9 before vaulting back to No 3 and spending two weeks at No 5. What was all that about? Well, it would be featured on TOTP twice more so maybe that exposure helped propel it up the charts? I’m not sure but what I do know is that I’m going to have to find something to write about it at least twice more in this blog for which my creativity might require some tender loving care.

Hairy connection: The follow up hit to “No Scrubs” was “Unpretty” which featured a lyric about hair extensions – “You can buy your hair if it won’t grow”.

In the three years since they’d last released an album, The Cranberries had found themselves rather usurped in the rock band fronted by a charismatic female lead singer with a strong, Celtic influenced accent stakes. Catatonia had ripped up the charts with hits like “Mulder And Scully” and “Road Rage” going Top 5, eclipsing the highest peaking singles of their Irish contemporaries who rather unbelievably and certainly unjustly would never have a Top 10 hit. Come 1999, after Dolores O’Riordan had given birth to her first child, The Cranberries were back with fourth album “Bury The Hatchet” preceded by lead single “Promises”. It was a strong, aggressive sounding comeback (though there was a lot of reliance on lyrics like “Oh-woah, oh, oh” and “Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo”) but the truth was that five years on from their commercial heyday, the band’s sales were in decline. “Bury The Hatchet” sold a tenth of the copies which debut “Everybody Else Is Doing It, Why Can’t We?” did. The album’s cover artwork probably didn’t help. Whilst the first three featured standard but effective poses of the band, their fourth went in an altogether more arty direction. It was designed by Storm Thorgerson who was school mates with most of Pink Floyd and would go on to design the iconic cover for their legendary “The Dark Side Of The Moon” album. However, “Bury The Hatchet” would not garner such an illustrious reputation. You could see glimpses of Thorgerson’s work on, for example, “Wish You Were Here” in the concept but a naked man being observed by a suspended giant eye against a desert background looked outlandish rather than creative.

A fifth album followed within two years but its perceived lack of promotion by their record label pushed the band to split from MCA and ushered in an eight year hiatus. Three more albums would arrive (one posthumously) but the death of O’Riordan in 2018 brought a permanent end to the band’s story.

Hairy connection: Consuming dried cranberries is associated with promoting hair growth due to their vitamin C and antioxidant content.

Now I remember the name Glamma Kid but can I tell you anything about the artist behind that name? No I can’t. Not without the aid of the internet anyway.

*checks internet*

OK, well that’s not his real name obviously. That would be Iyael Lyases Tafari Constable…yeah, not as snappy as Glamma Kid is it? Anyway, he was/is a toaster – of the musical kind obviously not a relative of the artificially intelligent electric bread toaster variety that was a recurring character in Red Dwarf with an obsession with making small talk exclusively about toast. Of course not. Hailing from Hackney, he initially made a name for himself by appearing on Tim Westwood’s Radio 1 rap show in 1996. By the following year, he was being awarded a MOBO Award for Best Reggae Act and by 1999 he had two Top 10 hits. The first of those was “Taboo” which interpolated the 1985 Sade hit “The Sweetest Taboo” and was a duet (of sorts) with Shola Ama.

I was never the biggest fan of the original but what they’ve done to it with this treatment is nothing short of criminal and when I say they I mean Glamma Kid. What is he doing here? Bent down on his haunches, stalking the stage in an all white suit? I think he was going for a Mark Morrison vibe but he actually looks like Vic Reeves during one of his rubbing his thighs, over excited by a female guest episodes of Shooting Stars. Then there’s the noise that he’s making. It’s just horrible caterwauling! It’s even worse than Shaggy! Who could possibly want to listen to it more than once or am I missing something?! You know what, I don’t think I am.

Hairy connection: Glamma is presumably short for ‘glamour’ which conjures up images of luxuriously coiffured hair plus Glamma Kid featured on a 1998 remix of David Bowie’s “Fashion” which again has connections with hairstyles.

Yay! It’s the New Radicals again! This was the third time in the show for Gregg Alexander’s band and their hit “You Get What You Give” but you won’t find me moaning about repeat performances in the Chris Cowey era as I have done for month after month, post after post as I’m a complete hypocrite and I liked this one so the more the merrier for me!

However, it does leave me with the problem of what else I’m going to say about it. Well, this appears to be a live vocal performance as Gregg does seem to be straining somewhat with his singing in places. Actually, there also appear to be some technical issues as well with echoing vocals and a definite bit of feedback towards the end of the song. We just about have time for the infamous “Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson, Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson” line but not for the word “ass” right at the death though I think the BBC censors might have blanked it out. Hard to tell.

Hairy connection: Although Gregg Alexander wore his trademark hat to cover his face to hide the fact that he was not enjoying promoting a hit record via the rules of the music industry, it also concealed the fact that he was bald that was only revealed in the video that accompanied the song.

Talk about creating a buzz about a forthcoming release! There was always going to be great deal of interest in the debut solo single by ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell but the promotion around “Look At Me” really went into overdrive. Look at this TOTP exclusive showing of its promo video a whole month before it was actually released! And that was just part of the marketing story. Halliwell embarked on a short promotional tour in support of the single visiting cities such as Rio de Janeiro, New York, Tokyo, Sydney and Milan. Remember, she only had the one song at this point that you could actually buy (even the extra tracks on the CD single were just remixes of “Look At Me”) yet she was straddling the globe to sell it! Was it all worth it? Yes and no. A No 2 hit is nothing to be sneered at but surely after all that promotion a chart topping debut would have been expected. In the end, Geri was beaten by Boyzone doing yet another cover version. That must have stung a bit.

So what about her actual song – was it any good? Well, I give Geri credit for not doing an obvious big ballad (I’m not sure she had the vocal chops for that anyway) or indeed, going the Boyzone route and releasing a cover version. However, “Look At Me” was accused of sounding very similar to another late 90s hit – “History Repeating” by Propellerheads featuring Shirley Bassey and you can hear why though I’m not sure I made that connection myself at the time. The structure of “Look At Me” does work with as opposed to against Geri’s rather limited vocals enabling her to sing in snatches or phrases rather than seamlessly not that there’s anything wrong with that but then what the hell was that middle eight breakdown?! Were the Spice Girls fanbase ready for that or was Geri looking for a new, more mature audience?

I guess I should comment on the video. First off, the fact that it’s nearly all shot in black and white was a bold move from someone who once sang “Colours of the world, Spice up your life”. Again, was that designed to show she was now a serious artist in search of a new type of fan? If that wasn’t a clue then the funeral scene killing of her ‘Ginger Spice’ persona couldn’t be see as anything but a desire to leave behind her former group. This was backed up by the caption at the start of the promo asking “Who is…Geri Halliwell?” suggesting that we perhaps had not seen the real version of her yet. The rest of the video has Halliwell playing around with female stereotypes which she nominated as vamp, bitch, virgin and sister. I’m not quite sure if she succeeded in her observations of said stereotypes nor indeed what those observations might have been.

Whatever you thought of her debut single, and on reflection my judgement would be ‘could’ve been worse’ or even “not without merit”, it paved the way for a run of four consecutive No 1 hits three of which came from her debut album “Schizophonic” and that could in no way be seen as a disappointing return.

Hairy connection: You mean apart from the whole ‘Ginger Spice’ persona being based on her red hair colour and apart from Geri referring to her look as “hair power” and apart from her hair being considered to have altered the course of 1990s beauty history, with fans often emulating her look? Nah, nothing really.

You’d have thought that as the new millennium dawned, we’d have gotten a bit bored with the whole soap star to pop star schtick but here was Tiffany from EastEnders to prove that we still had room for more. I think it’s fair to say that Martine McCuthcheon has moved on from that role not in the least part because of her much loved turn in Love Actually but back then she was Tiffany so big and well liked had her character become. Only a few short months prior, Tiffany Mitchell was written out of the soap when she was killed off on New Year’s Eve after being knocked down by a car driven by Frank Butcher (hence Jayne Middlemiss’s quip about her not being very good at road safety). Twenty-two million people watched that episode and a book about the character of Tiffany was a bestseller!

Given all of that, it’s perhaps no surprise that McCutcheon’s debut single went to No 1. What people did seem to be surprised about though was shown in their reaction to “Perfect Moment” which went along the lines of “It’s quite good innit”. I guess it was a similar response to that which another soap star’s debut single had received not so long before – “Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia. However, whereas the ex-Neighbours star had gone for a shimmering piece of pop perfection, Martine gave us the full, dramatic big ballad treatment. Just as Geri Halliwell surprised us with her almost jazz-pop first solo song, perhaps we might have expected a bit of pop fluff from Martine or a cover version like previous EastEnders star Sophie Lawrence had and Sid Owen would go on to do. Not a bit of it…or rather a little bit of it as “Perfect Moment” was a cover but I’m pretty sure most people were completely unaware of the original. Recorded in 1997 by Polish singer Edyta Górniak, that version was little known outside of Poland and so, again as with Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn”, most of us thought it was, if not Martine’s song, then it had been written specifically for her. It starts off sounding a bit like “A Different Corner” by George Michael with a some serene strings being plucked before Martine delivers a perfectly adequate vocal. There’s no doubting that she could sing a bit but then she had been in little known, mid 90s girl group Milan who spent one week at No 82 with a single called “Lead Me On” – I did say they were little known! Anyway, “Perfect Moment” came over as quite a classy tune in the style of Barbra Streisand or at least Celine Dion and great things were predicted for Martine McCutcheon the pop star. A No 2 album duly followed and a pair of No 6 singles but by 2000, diminishing returns kicked in and her next two albums didn’t produce anywhere near the same numbers. Then came a return to acting and the role of Natalie in Love Actually though I have to say I can’t think of much else I e seen her in recently and Love Actually is now 23 years old.

*checks her filmography*

Martine’s most recent TV appearances have been as herself in shows like Loose Women, Celebrity Gogglebox and The Masked Singer in which she came 10th dressed as a swan. Probably not her perfect moment then.

Hairy connection: Martine has openly discussed her struggles with scalp sensitivity and dandruff endorsing Polytar medicinal shampoo to treat these issues and has become a scalp health advocate using her platform to discuss the impact of stress and health issues on her hair.

Order of appearance	Artist	Title	Did I buy it?
1	Phats & Small	Turn Around	Negative
2	Meatloaf	Is Nothing Sacred	I did not
3	TLC	No Scrubs	Nah
4	The Cranberries	Promises	Nope
5	Glamma Kid / Shola Ama	Taboo	No chance
6	New Radicals	You Get What You Give	YES!
7	Geri Halliwell	Look At Me	I did not
8	Martine McCuthcheon	Perfect Moment	And no

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agre

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002rlpd/top-of-the-pops-16041999

TOTP Rewind – the 90s

My memories of 90s chart music

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TOTP 16 APR 1999

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