We have a new host on display in this TOTP, one who seemed to buck the trend of presenters being recruited by executive producer Chris Cowey from a non-radio background. Jamie Theakston and Jayne Middlemiss were from youth TV programme The O-Zone whilst Kate Thornton had a journalism background and Gail Porter came from Children’s BBC Scotland. However, Scott Mills was a radio person, a good, old fashioned DJ, the likes of whom you don’t get on the airwaves much these days apart from…well, Scott Mills. With Radio 2’s schedules populated by celebrities rather than professional disc jockeys including such names as Paddy McGuinness, Romesh Ranganathan, Michael Ball and Rylan Clark, Mills still carry the torch for time served DJs who haven’t just adopted radio as another string to their bow off the back of existing fame. Mills began his career at 16 working for commercial radio until, in 1999 at the age of 26 he was presenting the early breakfast show (4-7 am) on Radio 1. Cowey obviously thought this qualified Mills for a shot at hosting TOTP and so here he was with his face on our TVs in full technicolour rather than just a disembodied voice on our radios. All power to him and his continued high profile career which has taken him to the coveted position of presenting the breakfast show on Radio 2.

Having said all of that, I’m not the biggest Scott Mills fan. I just don’t warm to him. When I have seen him on TV such as on the celebrity version of Race Across The World, I found him almost unlikeable. He seems to me to have been very lucky to have reached the heights he has in his chosen career. Maybe I’ve misjudged him though. Let’s see how he did all those years ago as a debutant TOTP host…

Well, you’ve got to feel for the guy here. His debut on the BBC’s legendary pop music show and the first act on that he has to comment on are this pile of shite! I’ve had executive producer Chris Cowey pegged as many things but cruel wasn’t one of them…until now. I must have blanked this lot from my memory as an act of mental self-defence and to save my mortal soul from torment. “Witch Doctor” by Cartoons must be up there as one of the worst hits of the decade if not of all time. Originally a hit in the 50s for Ross Bagdasarian under the stage name of David Seville, the song was given an extra dimension when Bagdasarian created a trio of singing chipmunks who would become Alvin And The Chipmunks and inflict their squeaking voices on the world. If that wasn’t enough, novelty Danish band Cartoons whose USP was to update 50s songs with their self-styled ‘technobilly’ sound (basically adding a Eurodance backing) and wear ridiculously OTT stage costumes based on the old ‘Teddy Boy’ look, got their hands on “Witch Doctor” in the late 90s. Sensing that the track’s nonsensical “oo-ee-oo-ah-ah, ting-tang, walla-walla, bing-bang” chorus would fit perfectly with their outlandish image and brand of cartoonish pop music, the band recorded a version and released it to huge success in the UK where it landed at No 2. What were we thinking?! Was anybody who bought this thinking at all?! Who was buying this slop and why?! Was it all just tiny kids and weeny boppers?! If so, where were the parents and why didn’t they stop them?! The single really should have come with ‘Parental Advisory’ warning stickers that stated ‘Allowing your young child to buy this record will rot their brains and significantly damage their credibility rating once they grow up’. Talking of which, Devo did a version of this which featured on the soundtrack to The Rugrats Movie which I based the whole of my last post on. I don’t think either Devo or myself should ever mention that again.

I’m no Des’ree expert but I’m sure that this single – “You Gotta Be” – had been a hit before 1999.

*checks official charts website*

I was right! Not only had it been a hit before but it had been a hit twice before! Look at this:

• April 1994 – No 20
• March 1995 – No 14

and now this

• April 1999 – No 10

What was all this about then? Well, it was originally released as the lead single from Des’ree’s second album “I Ain’t Movin’” but after being a modest hit, it was given a second chance after it became a Top 5 hit in America resulting in an improved chart position of six places. Then five years, five singles and one album later, it was back again, this time making the Top 10. So what happened in 1999 that made it a hit for the third time? Do I really have to tell you? I do? OK, it was used in an advert of course and yet again it was a car advert:

Off the back of that exposure, record label Sony decided to strike while the iron was hot and rerelease “You Gotta Be” for a quick cash in and fair enough. However, the decision to the add the track to Des’ree’s current album “Supernatural” was cynical in the extreme. As a means of maintaining Des’ree’s momentum following the success of its lead single “Life” it made sense but to blatantly tack a five year old song onto to an artist’s new album? Nah, that, as the kids today would say, was stinky. There’s probably loads more to say about the song itself so I will refer you to my earlier comments from when it was a hit in 1995:

TOTP 09 MAR 1995

Next up is one of the few songs that I ever bought on day one of its release. This means it must have had loads of pre-sale airplay for me to have been aware of it so early I’m guessing. That promotion clearly worked on me as I love “You Get What You Give” by New Radicals. In many ways it is the crystallisation of what appeals to me in a pop/rock song – a synthesis of a hook laden melody, a propelling rhythm and intriguing lyrics (more of which later). This one was a winner from the off for me and I was always going to fall for its charms. If this debut single was anything to go by then the band, centred around the songwriting duo of Greg Alexander and Danielle Brisebois, seemed destined for greatness. It didn’t turn out that way. One album and one follow up single was all that they released prior to splitting before 1999 was up.

Alexander is an interesting character. Raised in a conservative Jehovah’s Witness household, he joined his first band aged just 14 before signing to A&M Records two years later and released two solo albums to little acclaim or profile. However, the formation of New Radicals, which was essentially a vehicle to platform his and Brisebois’s songwriting, proved to be a stars-aligning moment. Their album “Maybe You’ve Been Brainwashed Too” would go platinum in the US and reach the Top 10 over here. Some of the song titles within it indicated that the Alexander/Brisebois partnership operated outside of the norms of musical composition. Look at these:

• “Mother We Just Can’t Get Enough”
• “I Hope I Didn’t Just Give Away the Ending”
• “Jehovah Made This Whole Joint for You”
• “Crying Like a Church on Monday”

Music press reviews of the album were overwhelmingly positive and cited a host of musical influences including Hall & Oates, Phil Spector, Style Council, Prince, Todd Rundgren and even Chumbawamba whilst noting lyrics that challenged the commercialisation of the Western world and the influence of the media and religion. None of this seemed to mean much to Alexander though who, within three months of this TOTP appearance, called time on the New Radicals in favour of concentrating on songwriting and production for other artists. It proved to be a financially beneficial decision with Alexander going on to work with the likes of Geri Halliwell, Rod Stewart, Enrique Iglesias and Texas. Some of his most notable co-authored hits include Sophie Ellis-Bextor’s “Murder On The Dance Floor” and Ronan Keating’s “Life Is A Rollercoaster”. Artists definitely not on his list of collaborations would be Beck, Hanson, Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson whom he infamously called fakes and threatened to kick their asses in the closing lyrics to “You Get What You Give”. Here are those lyrics in full:

“Health insurance, rip off lying
FDA, big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they’re multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson
You’re all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around, we’ll kick your ass in”

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Gregg Alexander / Rick Nowels

You Get What You Give lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Spirit Music Group

Alexander wrote those words to test whether the media would concern themselves with the serious political issues of the opening lines or the faux celebrity bashing that followed. Predictably, it was the latter which captured the headlines proving Alexander’s suspicion about media manipulation and priorities. Supposedly the celebrities mentioned in those lyrics didn’t take permanent umbrage though Marilyn Manson reportedly commented that he didn’t mind that Alexander said he’d kick his ass in but objected to being named in the same sentence as Courtney Love!

In the end, despite all his pushback against the media and music industry operations, Alexander found himself jumping through the same hoops to promote his hit that he’d rallied against and lost any remaining faith in the project. His adoption of a low worn hat to cover his face whilst performing (as per this TOTP appearance) was to hide his lack of enthusiasm for what he was doing. Ultimately, he’d gotten back what he’d given to the New Radicals and chose another path leaving us with one memorable hit and an album that deserved more recognition.

After three uptempo, dance-pop tunes on the spin, it was time for Billie to stop revolving and deliver a more mature sounding, slower song. Partly to mix things up a bit but also because, you know, she wanted to. Probably. Anyway, the almost* title track from her album was chosen for the job and so “Honey To The Bee” became her fourth consecutive hit.

*The album was actually called “Honey To The B”.

Now, perhaps the obvious thing to do here was release a big, string laden ballad to showcase Billie’s range and diversity but what we actually got was her best impression of All Saints as, and there’s no getting away from this, “Honey To The Bee” is essentially “Never Ever Pt II”. I suppose it wasn’t the worst idea in the world to copy one of the most successful singles of the past 18 months but when even Scott Mills described Billie as having gone “all saintly” in his intro, well, it can’t have been any more obvious. Ms Piper pulls off the steal/homage (delete as appropriate) competently but it’s peak of No 3 and subsequent spiral down the charts and out of the Top 40 within a month suggests it was never destined to have the enduring appeal of “Never Ever”. I guess you just can’t beat the original sometimes.

We’re at the midway point of the show so let’s do a half-term report on Scott Mills and his performance so far. Well, he hasn’t done anything wrong but he’s hardly got a scintillating screen presence has he? Must do better in the second half. A grade of C minus I think is appropriate. Back to the music and a song that was very popular with the staff at the Our Price in Altrincham where I was working at the time and when I say the staff I mean the female staff. Having reached commercial and critical mass with second album “CrazySexyCool” and its attendant hits “Creep” and “Waterfalls”, TLC were faced with the task of making good on that success and they gave it decent shot with third album “Fanmail”. Though it only achieved half of what its predecessor sold, 10 million copies shifted worldwide is not to be sniffed at.

Its lead single was “No Scrubs”. An American No 1 and double Grammy winner, the song’s lyrics seemed to describe the position of a woman who wasn’t going to just settle for any man just to avoid being single which sounds fair enough to me. However, the term ‘scrub’ and the perceived demonising of men with limited money and romantic vocabulary sparked a divisive response and even triggered a series of answer records , most notably by Sporty Thievz and their hit “No Pigeons”. Personally, I think that strand of reaction is a bit rich considering the misogyny that persisted in some R&B and rap music. “No Scrubs” was the first time that Rozonda ‘Chilli’ Thomas sang lead vocals on a TLC single and its tone, rightly or wrongly, brought comparisons with Madonna’s “Material Girl” and Gwen Guthrie’s “Ain’t Nothin’ Goin’ On But The Rent”. It’s also the second song on this particular TOTP that my wife really liked alongside Billie’s “Honey To The Bee”. I’m not sure if anything should be read into that.

An ‘exclusive’ performance now from Mariah Carey who is still plugging her Best Of album “#1’s” with another new track called “I Still Believe”. Her last single, a duet with Whitney Houston from the soundtrack to The Prince Of Egypt movie, was called “When You Believe” – it’s like she was constructing a conversation between two people about their belief systems. Anyway, Mariah was still going through an identity crisis by this point in terms of whether she was a power balladeer or an R&B dance diva which is reflected in the fact that the album version of the track conforms to the former whilst the performance of it she gives here is definitely of the latter persuasion. Having listened to both, I’d have to say I’m not arsed about either construct.

The video for the ballad version sees Mariah recreate Marilyn Monroe’s 1953 performance for US troops stationed in Korea. It’s not very convincing despite Mariah being styled to look like Marilyn. However, I did note one detail that completely dates it which is someone in the crowd trying to take a picture of Mariah with a disposable camera. Remember them? Are they still a thing? They seemed to be predominantly used at weddings where one would be put on each table at the meal for guests themselves to take photos which would then go into the the happy couple’s photo album of the day. Of course today, everyone at that Mariah video shoot would just have their mobile phones out. They were simpler times back then.

I have moaned and criticised, criticised and moaned in this blog about the Chris Cowey era and the practice of repeatedly reshowing hits that were coming down the charts. It’s maybe because I grew up watching TOTP in the late 70s and 80s when the rules were that you couldn’t secure a place on the show’s running order if your song was going down the charts. I have tried to see the arguments for it – week one record company discounting subverting the charts and creating false peaks and troughs – but this example of the exercise really is unfathomable and inexcusable. “Blame It On The Weatherman” by B*Witched was No 1 last week and so rightly featured on the show. This week, it’s been torpedoed from its reign at the top and resides at No 9. Quite the fall down the charts. So why was a performance of it on our TVs again?! Come on Cowey? Explain yourself! Talk your way out of this one! From No 1 to No 9! Surely such a downward motion did not deserve more exposure?! It equalled the decade’s biggest fall from the top previously held by Iron Maiden’s “Bring Your Daughter… To The Slaughter” in January 1991. Even if it was some sort of quid pro quo arrangement, said promotion didn’t stop the single’s slide down the Top 40. These were its next four chart positions:

14 – 19 – 24 – 35

Neither did its parent album benefit much in terms of a resurgence up the charts so what was it all about? Well, looking at the new entries this week, maybe there weren’t that many viable other options. Of the other four entries in the chart (not counting the new No 1), three were dance acts – System F, Sash! and Aphex Twin – which the show had historically struggled to get the staging right for whilst the fourth was a bit niche – the Brian Setzer Orchestra with their swing revival hit “Jump Jive N’ Wail”. Furthermore, given the…erm…unusual nature of the new No 1 and the fact that there’s already been a novelty hit opening the show, perhaps that topping and tailing required something a bit more mainstream in the middle. Hang on…am I making an excuse for Cowey here when I should actually blame it on him?

Having worked in record shops since late 1990, by April of 1999, I was less than 12 months away from leaving it all behind me and becoming a civil servant (what was I thinking?!). I was nearly 32 by the time I finally left but I really should have read the signs much earlier that it was time for me to go. One of those signs was “Flat Beat” by Mr. Oizo. I just didn’t get it. How could a track that was basically anti-music inspire such adoration and sales, enough to take it to No 1?! Yes, of course there was the fact that this sparse track, which was basically a repeated bass loop and drum sample, was backed by the weight of the huge promotion machine that was a Levi’s ad campaign (to promote their new range of Sta-Press clothing) and yes, it was fronted by a yellow puppet (put together by Muppets creator Jim Henson) which added to its novelty value but the track itself was almost unlistenable wasn’t it? Well wasn’t it?! Was it being played in clubs? Did it make more sense in that environment? How could anyone listen to it in the privacy of their own home for enjoyment? As I said, I just didn’t get it.

So who was Mr. Oizo? He was Quentin* Dupieux, a French electronic musician, record producer, songwriter and filmmaker who used the pseudonym of Mr. Oizo to promote his musical output. Apparently, it only took him two hours to come up with “Flat Beat”, a claim I can well believe.

*Hence the only ‘lyric’ in it being “Oh yeah, I used to know Quentin…He’s a real…he’s a real jerk”

The one thing I did like about this whole nonsense was that Scott Mills managed to raise his debut TOTP performance up a notch by re-enacting one of those Levi’s ads and featuring alongside Flat Eric. Worthy of a B grade I think.

Order of appearance	Artist	Title	Did I buy it?
1	Cartoons	Witch Doctor	I’d rather eat my own arm
2	Des’ree	You Gotta Be	No
3	New Radicals	You Get What You Give	YES! On day one too!
4	Billie	Honey To The Bee	Nope
5	TLC	No Scrubs	I didn’t
6	Mariah Carey	I Still Believe	I don’t though – no
7	B*Witched	Blame It On The Weatherman	Nah
8	Mr. Oizo	Flat Beat	Never

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002r8hj/top-of-the-pops-02041999