We’ve got into a very steady pattern with these TOTP shows in terms of the presenters. Back in October of 1991 at the very start of the ‘year zero’ revamp there were more new presenters than Tory MPs in a leadership contest. By March 1993, all those other wannabes had fallen by the wayside leaving a core of just two – Mark Franklin and Tony Dortie. If, like in the race to be Prime Minister, a vote was out to the TOTP fan community as to who was the best, which one would triumph? I think my choice for Prime Presnter would go to Franklin. A reliable, safe pair of hands, he always seemed unflappable and that nothing could disrupt his focus. A bit on the dull side? Maybe but I think I’d take that over Dortie who was always appeared to be one word away from a gaffe or misplaced street slang phrase. Also, I’m not convinced he really was across his brief on…you know…pop music which does seem like a basic pre-requisite of the job. It’s my pick on hosting duties tonight. Let’s hope he serves up a presenting master class to justify my choice and not come across as, to quote that master of the nonsensical put down Boris Johnson, a ‘Captain Crasheroonie Snoozefest’.

Franklin begins in off screen, word perfect style when introducing the show’s opening act Hue And Cry. Just like Heaven 17 recently, Pat and Greg Kane were experiencing something of a revival of their 80s heyday thanks to the release of a Greatest Hits album. Best known for their hits “Labour Of Love” and “Looking For Linda” (they liked a bit of alliteration with the letter ‘L’), their fortunes had been in decline since the turn of the decade. True, their 1991 album “Stars Crash Down” had made the Top 10 but that was a last hurrah. There would be only one more album that graced the charts at all (1992’s “Truth And Love” made No 33) and then nothing but chart wilderness. We hadn’t seen them on TOTP for four years which was how long it had been since their last hit single.

Desperate times call for desperate measures and so record company Circa stepped in with a Greatest Hits compilation album called “Labours Of Love – The Best Of Hue And Cry”. It did the trick but as former Secretary of State for Northern Ireland Brandon Lewis might have said, in a limited and specific way. Yes, the Best Of album made the charts but its No 27 peak was surely below Circa’s expectations. And yes, the release of a remixed “Labour Of Love” provided both a hit single and a TOTP appearance but a No 25 chart high paled in comparison to the Top 5 placing achieved by the remix of “Temptation” by the aforementioned Heaven 17. It all seemed a tad underwhelming.

I don’t think their revival masterplan was helped by either the remix of the single nor their appearance here. The addition of that nasty, generic dance backbeat did nothing but dim the splendour of the original version of “Labour Of Love” and then there’s the guitarist and bass player on stage with Pat and Greg. Who the Hell were those two blokes and why had they come dressed like they were auditioning for a part in the musical Rock Of Ages? This wasn’t the Hue And Cry I remembered and liked. Thankfully, I have a more recent and better memory of the band. I saw them do a live gig in Cottingham at the back end of last year and they were great. It was a small venue so Pat’s enormous voice easily filled it and Greg is a fine musician demonstrating not just his keyboards skills but his prowess on guitar as well. That TOTP appearance was a nice reminder thought that they both used to have hair.

Franklin remains off camera as he does the shortest of segues into the next act who is…be afraid…Snow! Ah, the dreaded third component of the unholy trinity of the three S’s after Shaggy and Shabba Ranks. The three dancehall men of the musical apocalypse. Snow (real name Darrin Kenneth O’Brien) was a Canadian reggae musician and rapper who had come to prominence on the back of his “Informer” single which spent seven (!) weeks at No 1 in America before slinking back to obscurity. He was basically the reggae Vanilla Ice.

For me, he wasn’t the most offensive of the three S’s (that was Shabba Ranks clearly) but he was the most ludicrous. For a start, what was he actually singing/rapping about because it sounds like he’s going on about ‘licking bum bums down’! WTF?! The lyrics are actually ‘lucky boom boom down’ which all makes everything much clearer! Here’s @TOTPFacts with a more lucid explanation of the story behind “Informer”:

OK, so actually Snow was more like the Canadian Smiley Culture than the reggae Vanilla Ice…

Unlike Smiley though who had hidden his ganja before the police pulled him over, Snow was taken downtown to the cop shop where a rectal examination took place. No really. That’s what it says in his lyrics! Look:

“Well the destination reached in down-a East detention, where they whip down me pants look up me bottom”

Apologies for any lingering mental images that may have caused you. “Informer” would peak at No 2 meaning the three S’s would have the Top 3 chart places covered between them with Shaggy bagging a No 1 and Shabba Ranks going all the way to No 3. What a time to be alive!

I think we all need to calm down after that and just in time, Mark Franklin finally appears on screen to reassure us that everything will be OK, even making a quip about trying to sing “Informer” at karaoke. Look how calmly he deals with the jostling from the assembled members of the studio audience. He could teach Rishi Sunak a thing or two about not flapping when under pressure like being asked, I don’t know, say about his family’s tax arrangements.

Talking of cash, here’s Right Said Fred (and friends) to ask us to dig in our pockets for Comic Relief by buying their “Stick It Out” single. The promo video for it is largely unwatchable (though I don’t suppose I felt that way in 1993) with various celebs contributing to the ‘fun’ like Clive Anderson, Hugh Laurie and Linda Robson and Pauline Quirke from Birds Of A Feather. The latter two seem to have no problem leaving their dignity at the door as they leap into the action with some awful dance moves and shouting of ‘stick it aaart!’. Didn’t Linda Robson come out as a big Boris Johnson fan on Loose Women recently? Explains a lot.

“Stick It Out” peaked at No 4.

After The Jesus Lizard were on the show the other week, here comes another unlikely act in the shape of Therapy? It turns out that there was more connecting the two bands than my casual observation. Wikipedia tells me that Therapy?’s sound was influenced by The Jesus Lizard and that the Irish rockers went on to support the Teaxan grunge merchants in their early days. Maybe head TOTP producer Stanley Appel was majorly into his grunge on the sly.

I think the first time I became aware of Therapy? I was sat on a bus in Manchester and glanced out of the window to see a poster advertising their major label debut single “Teethgrinder”. It wasn’t a pleasant sight but it got my attention and put their name in my head. Both the single and parent album “Nurse” achieved Top 40 placings, establishing them as a chart act. The band had signed with A&M after releasing a couple of albums via indie label Wiiija so they could clearly see potential for a big career.

If that early success gave the band a place on the backbenches as it were, then 1993 saw them promoted to ministerial status with three EPs all hitting the charts. The first of those was “Shortsharpshock” with “Screamager” being the lead track. I didn’t think I knew this but the “screw that, forget about that” bridge into the chorus is definitely familiar. It’s a pretty decent tune in fact. They won’t thank me for this comparison but they come across here a bit like a grunge version of early era Busted even down to the bass player wearing long shorts.

Greater success was just around the corner with 1994 album “Troublegum” making the Top 5. The band are still going to this day and have released fifteen studio albums in total.

Mark Franklin is having a good night. Not only has there been nothing approaching a cock up but now he pulls off a difficult segue in slick style. We move from Therapy? across to the neighbouring stage where we find Big Country who launch into action with not a word of introduction. As Stuart Adamson finishes his initial vocal and the guitars kick in, Franklin’s disembodied voice comes in and times his intro to perfection before Adamson restarts singing. A masterclass.

You would be forgiven for saying though, “never mind Mark Franklin, did you just say Big Country are on the show?!”. Yes, yes I did. “Weren’t they just an 80s band though?”. No, no they weren’t though it’s true that their golden era of 1883-86 was well behind them. Like Duran Duran though, those other superstars of the previous decade who were just expected to retire once the 90s came around, Big Country weren’t for giving up. Despite witnessing a downturn in commercial fortunes that began with their final album of the 80s “Peace In Our Time” and a near collapse of the band with 1991’s “No Place Like Home”, they returned in 1993 with a much better received effort in “The Buffalo Skinners”.

The lead single from it was “Alone” and it certainly sounded like a return to form and the sound that had brought them so much success. Those chugging guitars that came to be described as ‘bagpipe rock’ allied to Adamson’s unmistakable growling vocals was a potent brew. Actually, Stuart looked great here, sleek of leather trousers with an into the 90s haircut replacing his previous gravity defying barnet, how many of us watching that night could have predicted his tragic demise just eight short years later at the age of forty-three?

“Alone” peaked at No 24 whilst the album almost mirrored that with a placing of No 25. It would prove to be their last stand commercially. Subsequent albums failed to make any impression and they folded after Adamson’s death. A twenty-five year anniversary reunion in 2007 sparked the band back to life and they are still a live pull to this day with guitarist Bruce Watson’s son now in the line up.

Somewhere in a parallel universe, Mike Pickering never met a singer called Heather Small but a big tall dude called Elton instead, got off his tits on illegal substances, laid down a track called “Crystal Clear”and called his band The Grid not M People. And it sounded like this. This is completely bonkers and yet I have no memory of it at all. The track I mean, not The Grid. I do remember them though my knowledge is limited. This is what I know about The Grid:

• Dave Ball from Soft Cell was a band member
• They had a No 3 hit in 1994 with “Swamp Thing”

From what I have read online, if you were out clubbing at this time then this track was an absolute banger especially The Orb remixes of it on the 12”. I wasn’t and so I don’t even remember it let alone have good memories of it. The whole thing looks bonkers and yet….it could have been so much more insane. The original plan was for the project to form around the nucleus of producer and DJ Richard Norris and…wait for it…Psychic TV’s Genesis P. Orridge! Holy shit! Talk about avant-garde!

“Crystal Clear” peaked at No 27.

The Breakers are back this week and finally Mark Franklin makes a misstep when he says in his intro to Hot Chocolate that he can’t quite remember them but he’s told they’re rather good. Oi! Franklin! Enough with your “I’m so young that I can’t be expected to know about old fogey music” attitude! Just how old was Mark at this point? I can’t find a definitive answer but seem to recall Tony Dortie saying that he was only seventeen when he got the TOTP gig. Let’s do the maths then. “It Started With A Kiss” was a No 5 hit in 1982 originally so Mark would have been six maybe? He might have a point I guess. He probably wasn’t even born when they were having hits like “You Sexy Thing” in the mid 70s. Even so, surely everyone knew Hot Chocolate didn’t they?

Well, if you didn’t then helpfully there was yet another Greatest Hits album out in 1993 for you to get acquainted with them. Yes, like Big Country before them, Errol and the boys have more compilations to their name than studio albums. I guess they were more of a singles band to be fair. “It Started With A Kiss” was the track chosen to promote it and it was a good enough choice though maybe the aforementioned “You Sexy Thing” might have been wiser. A horrible early 90s dance remix of it would surely have been a bigger hit. As it happens, that’s exactly what happened four years later when a Ben Liebrand remix of it went Top 10 off the back of The Full Monty film. “It Started With A Kiss” itself got a second rerelease in 1998 and made No 18 beating its 1993 peak by thirteen places.

Unlike Mark Franklin, I was old enough to remember “It Started With A Kiss” first time around and have a memory of hearing Steve Wright playing it and at the point where Errol sings “You don’t remember me do you?” interjecting with “Sure I do, bald fella, sings a bit”. Steve Wright – phoning it in for forty years. Thank God he’s going.

More grunge rock! That Appel fella was definitely into it! This time it comes courtesy of Alice In Chains and their single “Them Bones”. The second single from their “Dirt” album, this is supposedly one of their most well known songs but I can’t say it rings any bells with me. It’s all very stereotypical grunge to my ears but it’s my eyes which are more offended by it. Not the video but the title of the song. “Them Bones”? Surely they meant “Those Bones”? Or even “Dem Bones” as in the ‘leg bone connected to the knee bone etc’ song. Alice In Chains defo referred to the Platinum Jubilee as ‘Platty Jubes’.

“Them Bones” peaked at No 26.

“When I’m Good And Ready” could be the official line coming from Boris Johnson about when he will finally leave No 10 but it’s actually the title of Sybil’s follow up single to the Top 3 hit she had in “The Love I Lost” with West End. This time she totally on her own (except for her backing singers who include the backing singer’s backing singer Miriam Stockley) and it’s another upbeat, breezy Eurodance anthem courtesy of Stock and Waterman (but not Aitken).

I thought this wasn’t anywhere near as good as “The Love I Lost”. It was all a bit forced and clunky. It was a song for Sonia basically. It turns out that Stock and Waterman knew their market though and this was a big hit in the clubs which drove its sales enough for it to peak at No 5. The video missed a trick though. Sybil and her pals are clearly performing against a green screen backdrop but instead of using something interesting as the background image, they’ve got some basic colours (including green) and a sofa that gives it a Friends opening titles vibe.

Remember Ugly Kid Joe that did that anthem to nihilism “Everything About You”? Well, they’re back with a cover of Harry Chapin’s “Cats In The Cradle”.

Now what I knew about Harry Chapin could have been expressed in just four letters back then “W.O.L.D.”. Yes, the 1973 minor hit that DJs often couldn’t resist playing as it was all about…a DJ. Did I know “Cat’s In The Cradle” his platinum selling US No 1 single from the following year? Probably not as it was a flop over here. Reading up on Chapin though, he actually released a lot of material during his career – nine studio albums between 1972 and 1980 before he perished in a car accident in 1981. Apparently “W.O.L.D.” was the inspiration behind an American sit com I used to watch bank in the day called WKRP In Cincinnati. Remember that? No? Well, here’s the theme tune anyway…

Back to Ugly Kid Joe though and their version of “Cat’s In The Cradle” is OK I think though why they retitled it “Cats In The Cradle” without the apostrophe I don’t know. Maybe they went to the same school as Alice In Chains? I presume they were in need of a hit as anything they’d released after “Everything About You” had fallen on deaf ears and so went down the well trodden cover version route. It did the trick going Top 10 here and in the US though they never managed another hit after that.

Anything Harry Chapin can do, Monie Love can do better! You’ve got a song with a four letter acronym title? Well, I’ve got one with five! “Born 2 B.R.E.E.D.” was taken from her second album “In A Word Or 2” and the biggest hit of the four singles taken from it. The title’s acronym stood for ‘Build Relationships where Education and Enlightenment Dominate’ whilst “W.O.L.D” stood for…erm…nothing really. The lyrics tell the story of a DJ being let go by his radio station as he has got too old for their target audience hence the last three letters but I think that’s where the messaging ends. Monie’s message was a strong one though about empowerment and the prejudice facing young mothers and was co written with Levi Seaver Jr and Prince and recorded at the latter’s Paisley Park studio.

Despite the success of “Born 2 B.R.E.E.D.” (it made the Top 20), the album didn’t sell well and Monie disappeared from view. She never released another album but instead transferred to a career in US radio working for various stations including Philadelphia’s WHPI-FM, WTLC in Indianapolis and WALR in Atlanta. Sadly though not WKRP in Cincinnati nor, indeed, WOLD.

He’s done it! Shaggy is No 1 with “Oh Carolina”. Now many of us, me included, may have thought at the time that Shaggy was a prime one hit wonder candidate, riding the dancehall zeitgeist for one huge hit then gone, never to be seen or heard of again. A bit like Jeremy Hunt who can’t seem to get a high profile job again however hard he tries. We were all wrong though (about Shaggy not Hunt). Two short years later he did it again pulling off another chart topper with “Boombastic”. Roll on another five years and he was at it once more with two consecutive No 1s in “It Wasn’t Me” and “Angel”. Even today he’s still around making hit albums with Sting no less. Deliciously, he’s also collaborated with someone called Rayvon which was also the name of the DJ character in Phoenix Nights that used to shout out “Shabba!“ as popularised by fellow three S’s member Shabba Ranks. Sometimes this shit just writes itself.

Mark Franklin rounds of his superb performance with another word perfect outro and we’re out. And that’s how you address an audience Liz Truss, Rishi Sinai, etc etc…

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m0018zsw/top-of-the-pops-18031993