TOTP 31 OCT 1991
When did Halloween become such a big event in the UK? My take on it would be that this is a fairly recent change within say the last 5-10 years when it has overtaken Bonfire night in the cultural calendar. Certainly when I was a kid, there was no suggestion that we would be dressing up and going around the local streets expecting residents to be handing out sweets willy nilly. We might have done a spot of apple bobbing on occasion but that was it. Bonfire night was always the much bigger deal. Back in 1991, I was 23 and living in Manchester and we certainly didn’t have any trick or treating going on in the street where we lived. Fireworks being lobbed at you as you went about your business by the local youth possibly (you had to keep your wits about you at all times) but no kids dressed up as ghouls or werewolves etc although…we did once see a man down our street who from a distance looked like Freddie Kruger doing something suspicious with a rake – never did get the bottom of what that was all about. Anyway, the TOTP producers have decided that since they have a show falling exactly on the witching date of 31st October that they were going to play up to Halloween theme. To that end, we have a carved pumpkin graphic following the titles sequence and presenter Mark Franklin describes this edition of the show as being ‘spooky’!
I don’t know about spooky but the opening act is certainly shocking. Shockingly bad that is. SL2 were, as Mark Franklin advises, DJs Slipmatt and Lime (the S and L of SL2) while the rapper is Jason ‘Jay-J’ James (see what the did there?!) and “DJs Take Control” was the first of four hits for them. I don ‘t remember this at all though. What was the big one that they had?
*checks wikipedia*
“On A Ragga Tip”! That was it. No 2 in 1992 apparently. That one sounded a bit like The Prodigy and I could just about stomach it. “DJs Take Control” is just garbage though. I mean, I’ve never been a massive dance head but there’s literally nothing to it. The rapping is so pedestrian and repetitive whilst the track itself is just some basic breakbeats and shuffled drum machine patterns slung together. The energetic windmilling actions of the two dancers up front seem to be a bit at odds with the track to me. It’s just …I don’t get it (then or now).
As an act to open the show it seems an odd choice as well. I guess the producers were still courting the rave market that they didn’t seem to really understand and which the format of the show (despite its revamp) couldn’t really accommodate. It just looks …well…jarring. Not going too well this new era of the show so far is it?
Oh this is just ridiculous now. From hardcore rave to…Don McLean?! How? Why? The juxtaposition is made even more striking by the fact that, like SL2, Don is actually in the TOTP studio! He’s literally on the other stage next to SL2 patiently awaiting his cue to begin. Said cue comes from presenter Tony Dortie moving through the assembled audience who look like they’re just realising that they’ve come to the shittest rave ever and literally have no idea who this old duffer on the other stage is. Even when Dortie introduces him, I bet they’re none the wiser. I’m not criticising them rather pointing out the utter absurdity of the show’s run-in order. It’s barking mad! If this had been the 70s, it would have been like the Sex Pistols segueing to Val Doonican or Des O’Connor.
Obviously, McLean is here to sing “American Pie” to promote his Greatest Hits album but even more obviously it’s a truncated version clocking in at just 3 minutes in length (the original album version is 8 and half minutes long!). Don himself seems in a hurry to sing it as if there was a TOTP producer stood in the wings pointing to a big stopwatch. Sartorially, he looks like a Tory MP in his casual gear for a Sunday stroll. It’s just all too much to take in. Interestingly, on the subject of song timings, another act later in the show are given far more screen time to perform a full length version of their latest hit which actually cuts down the amount of acts on tonight’s show to just 10. More of that later but I wonder what Don thought about that?
After the latest egregious Top 10 rundown complete with a witch’s hat graphic at the end (Halloween and all that), we go straight into…well…what fresh hell is this?! It seems to be a woman with a giant treble clef on her head singing very, very badly. This is in fact Congress featuring Lucinda Sieger (Mrs Treble Clef herself) with “40 Miles”. As with SL2 at the top of the show, these were basically two nerdy DJ types (both called Danny coincidentally) plus vocalist -used in the loosest definition of the word- Lucinda. Right, the immediate problem here (apart from the ludicrous treble clef adornment) is that Lucinda was not a very good singer. In fact, her live vocal (as per TOTP ‘year zero’ policy) is diabolically bad. There’s just no getting around that and her performance certainly provoked the ire of many a viewer on Twitter. I think my favourite was courtesy of this gentleman…
Apparently the track uses a fair few samples taken from songs which I don’t know so I’m going straight onto the business of that treble clef. Just….why?!! To distract us from her terrible singing is the only thing I can think of. A dead cat on the table in musical form (literally) if you will. If she was a politician, Lucinda would surely be Boris Johnson. Oh hang on, my research tells me that Lucinda is a former Alternative Miss World runner-up. The Alternative Miss World? I didn’t know there was such a thing. Come to that, is the regular Miss World still a thing even? Anyway, apparently Alternative Miss World has been going (irregularly) since 1972 and was last held in 2018. According to the official website, it was established by the artist Andrew Logan and anyone can enter and everyone is judged on the same criteria as the dogs at Crufts: poise, personality and originality. Past guests, hosts and competitors including everyone from Derek Jarman, David Hockney and Zandra Rhodes to Grayson Perry, Divine, Leigh Bowery and the stars of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Now I can’t find conformation of when Lucinda took part or an image of what she wore but just google Alternative Miss World, click on images and you’ll see that actually, Lucinda (like Don McLean earlier) had dressed quite casually by comparison for her TOTP appearance.
From one horrifically bad vocal performance to…well…another. Sorry Zoë but there are definitely some bum notes in your performance of “Lightning”. To be honest, this is the third (of four) songs that I don’t remember from this show already (and I was working in a record shop for a living at the time!). In my defence, “Lightning” isn’t that memorable. Very much in the same vein as “Sunshine On A Rainy Day” but without the same hooky chorus, it didn’t get anywhere near the same success as its predecessor whose No 4 chart high was 33 paces higher than that which “Lightning” achieved. Wikipedia’s description of it as ‘another moderately popular song’ seems very generous. As for her album “Scarlet Red And Blue” that Tony Dortie bigs up here, well that only got as high as No 67 in the charts. Has a pop star ever projected their future in a song quite as clearly as Zoë does here?
“Lightning never strikes twice, maybe take some advice…”
A couple of Breakers next starting with yet another dance act that I don’t recall at all in Control with “Dance With Me (I’m Your Ecstasy)”. It’s hardly surprising as so forgettable was the whole shebang that there is very little trace of Control and their hit on the internet. I did find something on puredjs.com the said that this track (and I quote) “had the whole world buzzing”. Really?! It didn’t even make the Top 10 in the UK (peaking at No 17). Maybe it was a club thing – I wouldn’t have known as I was skint at the time and certainly had no extra cash for cutting any rug at Manchester’s hottest nightspots. Apparently it was remixed and re-released in 2006 and Control are still a going concern and appear at (again I’m quoting) “festivals, clubs, raves, parties, etc…”. And that’s your lot. God, I hope they’re not on any future TOTP repeats – I’ve nothing else to say about this at all.
*checks BBC4 TOTP repeat schedule*
Oh great, they’re on the next show. Marvellous.
One of those Pointless songs next. Not that there wasn’t any point to it you understand, just that it would possibly score you zero points if you were ever a contestant on that game show starring Richard Osman and Alexander Armstrong. “Shining Star” by INXS anyone? We’d all be forgiven for forgetting this one. A stand alone single to promote their concert album “Live Baby Live” despite the fact that it was a studio recording and not a live cut. Never quite got my head around that concept.
The track itself is very much INXS by numbers and derivative of a lot of their other material from around this period. Accordingly, it only made it to No 27 in the UK charts. The band would return the following year with possibly my favourite album of theirs, “Welcome To Wherever You Are”. For now though, they very much seemed to be treading water,
Meanwhile back in the studio, it’s that funny little bald American bloke Moby whom most of us had never actually seen before…except, he wasn’t actually bald back then and instead has what passes for (almost) a full head of hair. Yes, hard as it is to imagine, there was a time when Moby wasn’t just a cranium. Like most of us probably, the mental image that come to my mind when I think of him is of that “Play” era Moby with him shaven headed on the album’s front cover jumping about with his hairy (oh the cruel irony) chest exposed through his oversized white shirt. Maybe the emergence of comedian Harry Hill has conflated (to quote the word being used by just about every Tory MP in defence of Owen Paterson at the moment) the two. Here he is though with his first ever chart hit “Go” not looking follicly challenged.
None of this hirsute business is helping the TOTP production team manage to showcase a dance act any more effectively than they were ever able to though. For Moby, they’ve dispensed with any backing dancers and instead are reliant on the man himself just jumping around on his keyboard and shouting …erm…’Go!’ to meet the new live vocal criteria. There’s the usual deployment of the Dr Who ‘Green Death’ story visual effect as well of course (well it is a dance track) and not much else apart from the ‘Yeaaaah’ vocal sample which is courtesy of the ubiquitous Jocelyn Brown. Studio performances of dance tracks on TOTP in 1991 are still not working for me.
“Go” peaked at No 10.
As we have a humongously long song coming up soon, the schedule will only allow for about 90 seconds of the next video which is Kylie Minogue and Keith Washington with “If You Were With Me Now”. This was a curious thing, a song written by Mike Stock and Pete Waterman for their PWL label that sounded like a genuine soul standard. Not only that, it was a duet but this was no “Especially For You” (Keith could actually sing unlike Jason for one thing). I should add that Kylie herself gets a writing credit on this as well – it was her first hit single to feature her as a co-writer.
The single would reach a very respectable high of No 4 (much higher than I remembered) despite being from her “Let’s Get To It” album which is surely one of her least memorable and underperformed commercially. Apparently the vocals were recorded separately (see also Michael McDonald and Patti LaBelle’s “On My Own”) and although they were on the set together for the recording of the video, you wouldn’t actually know it as the director chose to not include any scenes of them together. It must have been an artistic licence thing. Or an oversight maybe.
Finally we arrive at this week’s ‘Exclusive’ performance and it’s that song that is massive… in length rather than stature though. Genesis are back everyone!
*everyone groans*
Phil and co hadn’t realised an album since 1986’s “Invisible Touch” before they returned in 1991 with the “We Can’t Dance” LP. That’s not to say we’d all been given five years off from Mr Collins who had been torturing ‘entertaining’ us in the meantime with his mahoosively successful 1989 album “…But Seriously”.
“No Son Of Mine” was the lead single from “We Can’t Dance” and it weighs in at length of 6:41 on the album version. For some reason, presumably to big it up as an exclusive, the TOTP producers allowed them just about all of that time for this performance. Was it worth it? Well, it was for the band with both the single and the album selling exceptionally well, with the former going Top 10 (No 6) – the first Genesis single to do so in the UK since 1983’s “Mama” – and the latter going to No 1 and achieving platinum sales five times over. For the credibility of TOTP though, was this really what the rave crazy kids wanted? Unbelievably Phil Collins was only 40 here (13 years younger than I am now) but he looks ancient. As for Mike Rutherford and Tony Banks…they always looked middle aged didn’t they?
Performance wise, it seems odd to have a drummer up there who isn’t Collins but apparently that’s what crowds will see when they see Genesis play live on their current tour – Phil is doing the vocals sat down out front as he is no longer able to play the drums due to nerve problems for which he underwent an operation on his spine in 2016.
Some awful intro work finally from hosts Dortie and Franklin as they segue into the No 1 song. U2 have finally brought the 16 weeks reign of Bryan Adams to an end with “The Fly” but they get introduced as ‘The posse from Dublin’ and ‘The U2 boys‘. Dearie me. Given the enormous chart feat that they executed by toppling the groover from Vancouver, the reaction on Twitter to this significant moment was quite surprising with many a viewer tweeting their displeasure at Bono and co including some who wanted to see Adams back! Surely that was tongue in cheek? As well as knocking Adams off his perch, “The Fly” also prevented Right Said Fred getting to No 1 in Australia with “I’m Too Sexy” so double bubble and all that.
Whilst not their best tune by a long way in my book, it was a statement I guess of their intent coming into the new decade. They weren’t going to be churning out “The Joshua Tree” parts II, III and IV into the 90s – they were leaving U2 of the 80s firmly in their past.
U2 would only last for one week at the top as the single was deleted after three weeks to ensure the schedules weren’t clogged up Adams style thereby hindering the release of subsequent singles from the album “Achtung Baby”. Quite the different approach from their label Island as opposed to Adams’s label A&M despite them both being part of the same parent company Universal Music.
| Order of appearance | Artist | Title | Did I buy it? |
| 1 | SL2 | DJs Take Control | No chance |
| 2 | Don McLean | American Pie | Nope |
| 3 | Congress featuring Lucinda Sieger | 40 Miles | 40 piles of shite more like |
| 4 | Zoë | Lightning | Nah |
| 5 | Control | Dance With Me (I’m Your Ecstasy) | Negative |
| 6 | INXS | Shining Star | Not the single but I have it on their Definitive INXS Best Of CD |
| 7 | Moby | Go | No |
| 8 | Kylie Minogue and Keith Washington | If You Were With Me Now | But I wasn’t – no |
| 9 | Genesis | No Son Of Mine | No purchase of mine either |
| 10 | U2 | The Fly | Singles box says yes though I don’t remember doing so |
Disclaimer
I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).
All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m00116fl/top-of-the-pops-31101991
TOTP Rewind - the 90s 