It’s the middle of June 1994 and before we get started on this week’s TOTP, it’s time I popped back into my personal life to see what I was up to back then. After three moves in four months at work, I’d ended up back where I’d started my career at Our Price at the Market Street store in Manchester. Despite being apprehensive initially, I’d kind of settled into being back there and was about to clock up a solid six months when everything changed again. The store manager took me aside one day and told me that he’d got a job at HMV (traitor!) and would be leaving soon. Fair play, good luck to him and all that but his change of employer would have ramifications for me.

The manager asked to replace him was my old boss at the Market Street store who I liked and so I had no concerns about him coming in. Unfortunately, he had some concerns about me. It was nothing personal but he was overseeing the start up of two new Our Price stores at Manchester airport and would continue with that as well as managing the Market Street branch. As such, he wouldn’t be around that much and wanted a more experienced Assistant Manager than me in place and so a guy from down South who wanted a move up North was transferred into my position.

So where did that leave me? Area management shunted me up the road to the Piccadilly store. It was my worst nightmare come true. The Piccadilly store had quite the reputation for a…let’s say ‘colourful’ clientele. In other words it’s where all the scallies and shoplifters hung out. They employed a full time security guard there (we didn’t have one at Market Street). Plus, they were a single floor store and the trading area was massive which made it hard to police plus a lot of work to make it look appealing to customers. We had two floors at Market Street but they were much smaller in size and much more manageable. To say I wasn’t keen on going there was an understatement. Somebody jokingly wrote in my leaving card that he’d heard they’d installed gun turrets at Piccadilly to control the scallies. Gulp! In the end, I lasted about five months in Piccadilly and hated nearly every minute. Not long after I arrived, the security guard left and a new guy came in. I’d had a look in the previous incumbent’s security log one day and it was full of entries that just said ‘nothing to report’. My experience of the store couldn’t have been further removed from that assessment. The new security bloke was shit hot at catching shoplifters and I spent most of my days sat with him and his latest capture in the shop kitchen waiting for the police to arrive. The previous guy had worn a security outfit and spent most his time chatting to the staff as far as I could see. This new fella wore ‘undercover’ clothes and loved nothing more than apprehending thieves and there seemed to be lots of them to catch. I just wanted to sell some records to punters. I didn’t want any of this. My time there will probably influence my opinions on the songs on TOTP for the next few months as most of them I associate with my miserable experience in Piccadilly. You have been warned.

Right. With all that said, it’s time for the show and we have another ‘golden mic’ guest presenter this week in the form of Angus Deayton. You remember him. The gangly looking bloke who hosted Have I Got News For You and was in One Foot In The Grave as Victor Meldrew’s neighbour. Whatever happened to him? Well, the short answer is cocaine and prostitutes. In May 2002, The News Of The World exposed his extra curricular activities leading to an excruciating appearance on HIGNFY where he was mercilessly teased by Paul Merton and Ian Hislop. After more allegations in the October, Deayton was dismissed from the show and despite continuing to work in TV and radio, his media profile has never been as high since. Back in 1994 though, his choice as TOTP host made perfect sense. He was a confident presenter and his suave demeanour even led to him being labelled as ‘TV’s Mr Sex’ in Time Out magazine. Oh the irony.

The first act Deayton has to introduce are The Grid who are riding high in the charts with their hit “Swamp Thing”. There’s a lot going on in this performance and most of it is pretty weird. I have to start with the banjo player who is hooked up to some machinery which is giving me heavy A Clockwork Orange vibes, specifically the scene where Alex undergoes aversion therapy with his eyes pulled permanently open. Then there’s the guy who seems to have fashioned himself a crown of safety pins. Finally, the fact that everyone on stage is dressed head to toe in white and safety pin guy has the slogan ‘No pain, no gain’ in big black letters on his top makes it all look like you’re watching Wham! performing “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” in their ‘Choose Life’ T-shirts but if you were coming down from a bad trip. As I said, decidedly weird.

Just when I thought the time of 2 Unlimited was coming to an end and despite their last single being on its way down the charts at No 32 this week, the TOTP producers have still managed to manufacture yet another slot for them to appear on the show. “No One” was a track from their album “Real Things” which, rather surprisingly to me, was the No 1 album this particular week. It would eventually be released as a single three months later and peaked at No 17 which presents the frightening prospect of it being on the show again a few weeks down the line. For all the accusations against them that their songs all sounded the same, this one was slightly different. I mean, it wasn’t a big ballad or anything but it didn’t t seem to have that 2 Unlimited bpm urgency. In fact, it sounds like any other Eurodance hit of the time which wasn’t a good thing either in my book. Oh, and what was with the oversized wrap around glasses the backing band are wearing? Was it meant to represent anonymity, as in ‘No One’. I’m probably overthinking it which I doubt 2 Unlimited did.

It’s the video for “Anytime You Need A Friend” by Mariah Carey next. You may recall that she flew over to appear on the show in person to perform the song the other week. Wikipedia informs me that this was the first promo in which Mariah has straightened hair as opposed to her cascading curls. And the world was never the same again.

Talking of world altering events, an NHS choir called Breathe Harmony recorded a version of the song during the COVID-19 pandemic with contributions from over 100 staff recorded at home on mobile phones that were put together into one video. That film came to the attention of Mariah herself who tweeted that it had brought tears to her eyes (in a good way). The recording was eventually released as a single to raise money for two NHS charities. Mariah’s original peaked at No 8 in the UK.

Finally a D:Ream hit that isn’t a re-release of a previous single. After “Things Can Only Get Better” (once) and “U R The Best Thing” (twice) had been given the re-release treatment to great effect realising No 1 and No 4 hits respectively, here comes “Take Me Away”. However, like its predecessors, it was a track on the band’s debut album “D:Ream On Volume 1”. Truth be told, it’s not a great song and this was reflected in its chart peak of No 18. It probably should gave remained an album track. Peter Cunnah sounds ever so slightly out of breath doing a live vocal here and he’s also not wearing his trademark chequered suit. Maybe the two are related – no suit equals laboured vocals, like Samson and his lack of strength once his hair was cut off.

Professor Brian Cox watch update: That’s not him again is it?

Twice in the same show?! After pulling a fast one to get 2 Unlimited on the show once more, the TOTP producers have done the same again for Toni Braxton. Not content with having been a regular on the show for the whole of 1994, Ric Blaxill and co have come up with a way of squeezing her into the running order despite not having a single that was in the charts at the time. Again like 2 Unlimited before her, “Love Shoulda Brought You Home” would would eventually be released from her album and become a No 33 hit. Unlike 2 Unlimited, the song was actually her debut single release (in the US) back in 1992. It also appeared on the soundtrack to the Eddie Murphy movie Boomerang alongside Boyz II Men’s “End Of The Road”.

As for the performance here, is this the first time Toni has been in the TOTP studio in person? In the past she seems to have done a lot of those live by satellite turns. A more pertinent question though might be why has she been styled to look like Halle Berry in the film version of The Flintstones?

We do have a live by satellite performance next but as Toni Braxton was over in the UK anyway, the slot has gone to Spin Doctors who are showcasing their song “Cleopatra’s Cat”, the lead single from their sophomore album “Turn It Upside Down”. I don’t wish to be unkind but this was utterly pointless from start to finish. Firstly, the song is dreadful – it sounds like it was worked up out of a noodling jam session and some nonsensical lyrics were overlaid as a guide vocal. Ah yes the lyrics – some meandering bollocks about Roman general Mark Antony not being able to outwit the cat of his girlfriend Cleopatra, the ruler of Egypt from 51 to 30 BC. I’m sure it’s probably a metaphor for something but really, who cares? It was certainly no “Two Princes”.

Secondly, theres the staging of it. How we were meant to get excited about seeing some disheveled hippy types performing on a boat on the East River surrounded by some skyscrapers, I’m not sure. “Cleopatra’s Cat” peaked at No 29 and was their last UK Top 40 hit.

Still with Chaka Demus and Pliers? In the Summer of 1994? Fear not though as “I Wanna Be Your Man” would be their penultimate UK Top 40 hit. Yet another track from their “Tease Me” album, this one is nothing to do with the Lennon -McCartney song recorded by both The Beatles and The Rolling Stones but rather is the usual staple we’d come to expect from the duo with Pliers singing about a “sexy lady”and getting the “cherry from the cherry tree” before Chaka Demus blows in like a foghorn with his toasting. He even begins with a “Here me know” – please spare us.

After one final hit with “Gal Wine”, they would try (and fail) to score a further hit in 1996 with a cover of “Every Kinda People” by Robert Palmer talking of whom…

I don’t think Robert Palmer had been on TOTP since he performed his Marvin Gaye mashup hit “Mercy Mercy Me / I Want You” in 1990. The most likely reason for this would be that he hadn’t had any UK Top 40 hits since then and this new single “Girl U Want” would not reverse that trend peaking at No 57. So why was he on the show then?Maybe it was a change of direction brought in by new producer Ric Blaxill where the artist’s name and fame was considered bigger and more important than their chart position? In any case, it fitted in with the unconventionality of this particular show being, as it was, the third song on that wasn’t a current hit single after 2 Unlimited and Toni Braxton.

I didn’t know until now that this was actually a cover of a track by US New Wavers Devo but it is although it’s definitely been given the Palmer treatment. He’s made it sound like a companion piece to his 1988 song “Simply Irresistible” which is no bad thing in my book. Bob looks as suave as ever in this performance though I do wonder if many of the youths in the studio audience had a clue who he was. Tragically, Palmer would be dead in nine years from a heart attack.

Right, how many weeks are we up to for Wet Wet Wet’s version of “Love Is All Around” being at No 1? Three is it? Just another twelve to go after this then! Maybe it’s time to discuss the original recording of the song now. Asked to name any songs by The Troggs, I’d have got “Wild Thing” and “Love Is All Around” and probably nothing else. It turns out though that in addition to those two, they had another six Top 40 hits between 1966 and 1968 including a No 1 (“With A Girl Like You”). After that point, the hits quickly vanished and a reluctance to tour in the US until 1968 meant they failed to consolidate on the success of “Wild Thing” topping the charts over there.

Changes of record label failed to improve the band’s commercial fortunes and even resorting to the extreme option of re-recording “Wild Thing” with Oliver Reed and Alex Higgins failed to make a splash (if you don’t count Reed’s infamous drunken promotional appearance on The Word). They did, however, earn some credibility points when they recorded an album with REM called “Athens Andover” in the early 90s. The collaboration came about after Michael Stipe and co had covered “Love Is All Around” in concert. Wanna hear it? OK then…

Better than the Wets version? I’ll leave that for you to decide. Troggs lead singer Reg Presley famously spent the royalties from it on researching crop circles and UFOs releasing his findings in a book published in 2002 called Wild Things They Don’t Tell Us.

The play out song this week is another cover version – “Word Up” as done by Gun. Originally a hit for Cameo in 1986 of course, these Scottish rockers recorded it for the lead single of their third album “Swagger” to reactivate a career which had stalled rather since their debut hit “Better Days” in 1989. As we have seen so many times in these TOTP reviews, cover versions are a great way of securing a chart hit when one is needed and so it was with “Word Up” which gave Gun their biggest ever hit when it made No 8. I always quite liked their rock-tastic take on the track but I would have sworn it came out later in the decade than 1994. Five years on, Mel B also had a hit with a cover of “Word Up” taking her version to No 13.

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001kkll/top-of-the-pops-16061994