TOTP 23 DEC 1993

It’s nearly Christmas. Well, yes that’s hardly news I know but I’m talking about Christmas twenty-nine years ago as per the BBC4 TOTP repeats schedule which has arrived at the festive period in 1993. I was working in the Our Price store in Altrincham at the time and so if I watched this episode then I would have done so in the knowledge that the following day was perhaps the busiest of the whole retail year. Given my experience of Christmas Eve in the Rochdale store the previous year, I wouldn’t have been looking forward to it. You could say there was a distinct lack of festive cheer from the punters or to put it another way, they tore lumps out of us. Rude, aggressive and if we told them that we’d sold out of Gloria Estefan’s Greatest Hits on cassette (we had), they reacted as if we’d told their three year old child that Father Christmas didn’t exist. As such, I wasn’t looking forward much to the 24th December. I wonder which songs were in the charts that I might have been flogging to Christmas stressed customers?

We start with a song that would reach its chart peak the following year which is why I associate “Come Baby Come” by K7 with 1994 rather than 1993. The last time this was on TOTP in the Breakers section, I commented on how its lyrics were full of innuendo so I was expecting a very risqué studio performance full of explicit, sexually charged dance moves. However, whilst Mr K7 (real name Louis Sharpe) and his three backing singers/dancers are next level slick, I didn’t notice too many moves that would have had the TOTP producers panicking. Bizarrely though, at one point the main man pulls out one that appears to be replicating him washing his armpits in the shower with his microphone substituting for a bar of soap! He then follows it up with a Jarvis Cocker Michael Jackson baiting bum waft – not sure if that qualifies as explicit or just plain silly. “Come Baby Come” would peak at No 3 in the UK.

The Bee Gees are up to No 4 with “For Whom The Bell Tolls” giving them their highest chart placing since their No 1 “You Win Again” in 1987. The song’s title references the phrase originally written by metaphysical poet John Donne and the novel by Ernest Hemingway but there was another band that beat the Gibb brothers to using it to name a song by nearly a decade. I have to admit to not having a clue that this track even existed before now but exist it does and it comes from one of the biggest rock bands ever. Metallica (for it is they) recorded a track called “For Whom The Bell Tolls” for their second album “Ride The Lightning” in 1984. In the name of musical exploration, I listened to it earlier and guess what? It did absolutely nothing for me! Lots of crunching rock guitar and strangulated vocals does not make yours truly a happy boy. Apparently the song is a huge fan favourite but seeing as I’m not a Metallica fan, that influences me as much as Rishi Sunak telling me that he cares about the working class (ooh, bit of politics there as Ben Elton used to say).

Anyway, the rather surprising success of the Bee Gees song meant that the group now had a UK Top 5 single in four consecutive decades (the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s) – that’s approaching Cliff Richard levels of chart achievement. They would even bag themselves two more before the decade was out. Quite remarkable.

Now here’s a curious but rather charming Christmas tune. This seemed to come out of nowhere just as the big day approached but maybe it was released too late to make any real impression on the Top 40. Certainly its chart peak of No 37 seems to reflect that. Or maybe it was just too out of leftfield for the mainstream Christmas market with its non traditional shoppers for whom the festive season is the only time they would venture into a record shop all year looking for Cliff Richard or that nice Elton John and Kiki Dee song or even the Bee Gees. It was unlikely their shopping list included the record by Saint Etienne and the bloke from The Charlatans.

I’d forgotten that “I Was Born On Christmas Day” was actually just one song from a four track EP called (rather bluntly) “Xmas 93” but it was the only one to feature the now national treasure that is Tim Burgess. The other tracks included a Billy Fury cover and two instrumentals none of which I’ve ever heard as the lead song was presumably the only one played.

As Christmas tunes go, it’s an odd one but pretty groovy. Mostly devoid of the usual festive music baubles (sleigh bells, references to Santa Claus, snow, trees, presents etc), it instead has a driving house beat and an unusual melody. In fact, apart from its title which is sung on repeat in the coda, there’s very little to distinguish it’s a Christmas song. The lyrics seem to be about someone missing their absent partner throughout the course of the year awaiting their return at Christmas and thinking of everything that has happened in the world they left behind whilst away.

Tim Burgess and Sarah Cracknell have definite chemistry up there on stage, holding hands, draping a shared feather boa around each other’s shoulders…is there even a little kiss between them at one point? Well, the lyrics do refer to a Tim and Sarah tying the knot!

As host Mark Franklin says in his intro, 1993 had been a great year for Saint Etienne with a Top 10 album (“So Tough”) and their highest ever charting single (to that point) in “You’re In A Bad Way”. The Charlatans on the other hand failed to release any material but would return in 1994 with their own Top 10 album “Up To Our Hips” and the excellent single “Can’t Get Out Of Bed”. As for “I Was Born In Christmas Day”, you don’t hear it that often on the radio despite its obvious time slot each year. Incidentally, neither Tim nor Sarah were actually born on Christmas Day though Saint Etienne’s Bob Stanley was. Other rock/pop stars born on the 25th December include Annie Lennox, Dido and Shane MacGowan whilst Lemmy came into the world on Christmas Eve.

One of the nastiest things about 1993 (amongst many) was the breakthrough success of the revolting Shabba Ranks. After a rereleased “Mr Loverman” took him to No 3, there was a small procession of follow up singles in its wake of which “Family Affair” was the third. Pretty much a remake of the Sly And The Family Stone classic with some rapping and toasting over the top (including inevitably a few shouts of ‘Shabba!’), this was from the soundtrack to the Addams Family Values film. I’d quite enjoyed the silly but likeable “Addams Groove” by Hammer from the original 1991 The Addams Family film but this was just horrible. It featured Patra, Terri and Monica (I’ve no idea) and made No 18 in the charts but I’m glad to say I don’t remember it at all – I’ve never seen any of the Addams Family films either. Shabba Ranks would only have one more UK Top 40 hit after this. Good riddance to his homophobic ass!

Dina Carroll now with “The Perfect Year”, a single that perfectly encapsulates her annus mirabilis. One of the comments most made by people commenting on the Twitter hashtag #TOTP during the 1993 repeats has been “Whatever happened to Dina Carroll?” and it’s a fair question. After this single, we didn’t hear any new material from her for nearly three years. When it did arrive, it was successful but just not anywhere near as much as her earlier stuff. Debut album “So Close” went four times platinum. By comparison, the follow up “Only Human” sold a quarter of that; not insubstantial by any measure but a definite decline. Why did it take so long for that sophomore album to appear? Well, she suffered from burn out after that initial runaway success and took a break from touring and recording and when she returned she walked into a contract mess. The guy who signed her for A&M had left for Mercury Records but his new label weren’t keen on him taking Dina with him initially. By the time it was all resolved and Dina’s first single on Mercury appeared (“Escaping”), it was 1996!

Her new label seemed unsure what to do with her – was she a slick, soul balladeer or a club diva? Or both? She’d successfully straddled both camps with her eclectic debut album but somehow Mercury didn’t seem reassured by that. A third album was never released and a case of otosclerosis (hereditary bone disease of the ear) was clearly not helpful for a recording artist. As the millennium dawned, Dina just seemed to disappear. A Best Of album fulfilled her contractual obligations to Mercury in 2001 and her only release since then was 2016’s “We Bring The Party” with the Dig Band.

Meanwhile, back in 1993, Dina became the only British female artist to have two simultaneous Top 10 hits during the whole of the decade. In the week 12th to 18th December, “Don’t Be A Stranger” was at No 8 whilst “The Perfect Year” was at No 10. I think I’m right in saying A&M had deleted the former to make way for the latter so we had loads of the No 10 but hardly any of the No 8. Funny the things you remember isn’t it?

Even though this is officially the Christmas chart, there are still room for a couple of Breakers. One though is utterly dreadful and the other is last year’s Christmas No 1! Yes, despite being the best selling single in the UK of 1992, it’s back in the Top 40 twelve months on. I refer, of course, to Whitney Houston’s version of “I Will Always Love You”. Now remember that the charts were a different beast back then to the one that functions (sort of) these days. You couldn’t just get a song (any song) into the charts via a concerted social media campaign by coercing people into streaming it loads. It had to be officially released which means that “I Will Always Love You”, despite its ubiquity over the last twelve months, must have been rereleased. Why would that have happened? Well, it was all to do with the VHS of The Bodyguard coming out in November of this year.

This was such a big marketing event back then that it presumably made perfect sense to record label Arista to give the soundtrack and the most famous single from it another promotional push. As a result, “I Will Always Love You” managed a peak of No 25 the second time around. Of course, this wasn’t an entirely new phenomenon. In 1985, both “Last Christmas” by Wham! and “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” by Band Aid returned to the charts after being the festive No 2 and No 1 respectively the year before. Even so though, it did feel like overkill.

Now to that second and abhorrent Breaker. Probably long forgotten as the other novelty record in the chart of Christmas 1993, overshadowed by the spotted, pink dickhead at No 1 but the combination of Hulk Hogan and Green Jellÿ doing a cover of “I’m The Leader Of The Gang” is potentially even more heinous than the blobby one’s effort, given what we now know about Gary Glitter. Hulk Hogan had been a wrestling star throughout the 80s with his 1988 WWF match with Andre the Giant holding the record for the highest TV audience for wrestling ever. In 1993, Hogan broke away from WWF to sign for rival federation WCW which maybe is the reason for this single release? Bit of promotion for WCW? After all, the WWF Superstars had bagged themselves two UK hit singles in the past twelve months so…

Green Jellÿ had achieved the same chart feat with two hits of their own in 1993 with “Three Little Pigs” and “Anarchy In The UK” and it was they that Hogan was paired with to deliver this execrable record. I mean, it’s literally unlistenable. Who the hell bought enough copies to take it to No 25?

The penultimate tune before we get to the Christmas No 1 comes from EYC. This lot of chancers were put together to take the US by storm but did diddly squat over there. They did, however, gain moderate chart success both here and in Australia. Debut hit “Feelin’ Alright” reached No 16 but listening to it back now, it just sounds like a lot of horrible shouting. Maybe I’m just too middle aged to be able to engage with this sort of stuff now but I probably felt the same about it nearly thirty years ago.

They were the first act to win the Best Roadshow Act award at the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party but that sounds like an award that was designed purely for them to win – a bit like the award I got from my works 5-a-side team for Most Improved Player (a back handed compliment if there ever was one). They also picked up six UK Top 40 singles during their brief career so I fear we may not have seen the last of them by a long chalk.

“So this is Christmas and what have you done?” sang John Lennon and in 1993 this line rang truer than ever for it was indeed Christmas and what the British public had done was to make Mr Blobby the festive chart topper. How on earth could we have let this happen?! I’d foolishly believed that the “Mr Blobby” single had peaked too early after being No 1 two weeks ago but the deposed chart topper somehow rallied and regained the crown just in time to be announced as the Christmas No 1. How often did that sort of chart trajectory occur? Apparently “She Loves You” by The Beatles was No 1 for four weeks in 1963 before dropping down for a whole seven weeks and then miraculously returning to the top for a further two weeks. The Fab Four then knocked themselves off the pinnacle with “I Want To Hold Your Hand”. So not without precedent but that was The f*****g Beatles we’re talking about not some tit in a pink latex suit! Aaaarrrgh!!

Order of appearanceArtistTitleDid I buy it?
1K7Come Baby ComeI did not
2Bee GeesFor Whom The Bell TollsNah
3Saint Etienne and Tim BurgessI Was Born On Christmas DayProbably should have but no
4Shabba Ranks with Patra, Terri and MonicaFamily AffairNever happening
5Dina CarrollThe Perfect YearNope
6Whitney HoustonI Will Always Love YouNot the first nor second time
7Hulk Hogan and Green Jellÿ I’m The Leader Of The GangAs if
8EYCFeeling’ AlrightNo
9Mr BlobbyMr BlobbyDid I bollocks!

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001g4xh/top-of-the-pops-23121993

TOTP 09 DEC 1993

In the last post I made a claim that the No 1 was a bit of an anticlimax on the grounds that it followed the biggest boy band around who performed in the studio against a backdrop of 3D images (ooh!). By comparison, the No 1 was in its seventh week at the top and we were surely all getting a bit fed up of its video. It doesn’t seem right though does it? TOTP was always a chart based show highlighting which songs were the most popular in a chronological way via the chart countdown. Despite the use of such a linear tool, the implication is that the excitement heightens as we get to the nation’s favourite song. But what if said record doesn’t deserve such a reception? I realise this leaves me open to accusations of musical snobbery but if the No 1 is so heinous, what’s the plan? The question is especially relevant to this particular TOTP as, like a Tory minister doubling down on a failed economic policy, the ending of this show has two terrible songs.

Having said all of the above, the start of the show is pretty ropey as well. Bad Boys Inc were one of the many awful boy bands that appeared in the wake of Take That during the 90s. The whole thing reeked of cynicism with no more of a bigger example than this slushy ballad aimed at the Christmas market. After, two uptempo pop singles had made them bona fide chart stars (albeit in quite a minor way), they took that well worn path of releasing a slowie as their third single to, you know, showcase their diversity. The fact that it was shoved out into the marketplace as Christmas approached was surely just coincidence no? “Walking On Air” (note the similarity of title to established festive tune “Walking In The Air” from The Snowman) was ghastly whilst the performance here (I can’t find it in YouTube as nobody seems interested in recording it for posterity) is just as dire. The lead singer out front forever putting his hand to his heart to show his sincerity backed by three twirling, sliding goons all performing on a bed of dry ice. What a shower!

Disregarding the Bee Gees, I haven’t heard such high pitched vocals since Modern Romance did their ballad “Walking In The Rain” a decade earlier. What is it with ballads and the word ‘walking’? “Walking In Air”, “Walking In The Rain”, “Walking In Memphis” and of course who could forget George Michael’s ‘guilty feet’ in “Careless Whisper”. The record buying public showed their lack of affection for Bad Boys Inc with their own feet by walking past their local record shop and therefore not buying their single. It peaked at No 24.

Now here’s a very old track (even in 1993) which was suddenly and maybe surprisingly a very big hit. Sudden because it’s gone straight into the chart at No 5 and surprising because when it was first released in 1981 it did nothing at all sales wise. There is a reason for its explosion of popularity though and as usual it’s to do with record company promotional activities. “Controversy” was the title track from Prince’s fourth studio album and by 1993 he’d added another ten to that number so why was it plucked for single release at this point in his career? To advertise a Best Of album of course. “The Hits 1”, “The Hits 2” and “The Hits / The B sides” was a triple headed beast of a release documenting The Purple One’s best/most well known/biggest (delete as applicable) songs so far. Previous single “Peach” was released in the October to promote the set but that was a brand new composition I think. To give the Best Ofs an extra push for Christmas, another single was required and “Controversy” was selected for the job. Did I know this track? Don’t think I did. I only cottoned onto Prince from about 1983 when conversely “1999” was in the charts the first time around. Did I like it? Not that much. Was I surprised that it was such a big hit? Yes I was. As with “Peach” though, the two CD singles contained hits that weren’t included on the Hits albums plus there was a William Orbit remix of “The Future” so maybe that was it?

We’re back to this trend of the TOTP hosts telling us that an artist should have been on the show but can’t be because they’re ill/indisposed etc. I asked the other week why they bothered with this practice as they could have just shown the video without saying anything and we wouldn’t have known any better. This week, they’ve doubled down like…ah I’ve been here before haven’t I? They have made a complete spectacle of this issue though with Gabrielle. According to presenter Mark Franklin she can’t perform in the studio tonight and the reason is…Well, let’s ask Gabrielle herself because she’s in the actual studio! What?! Mark asks her if she’s OK and Gabrielle days “Not at the moment because I’ve got flu”. Got flu?! Got flu?! Why aren’t you in bed Gabrielle?! This is madness! Look, when I’ve had flu I’ve had to crawl to the bathroom if I needed the loo on my hands and knees. The idea that I could have got myself into a TV studio and been interviewed in front of a TV audience of millions is just unconscionable. I don’t wish to doubt her but really?!

Anyway, enough of the health issues, what about the music? Well, I’m guessing that Gabrielle’s record label were ever so slightly uncomfortable at this point. After the euphoria of a No 1 single with her debut single “Dreams”, might they have been expecting a bigger follow up hit than the No 9 that the unfortunately entitled “Going Nowhere” supplied? If so, then a lot must have been riding on “I Wish”. Sadly, it wasn’t really up to the task being a fairly average piece of soul/pop and it peaked at No 26. Maybe it just got lost in the Christmas rush. Gabrielle would recover to bag a further eight Top 10 hits including No 1 “Rise” in 2000. Seems like Gabrielle’s wish came true.

The Bee Gees are up to No 6 in an unexpected tilt at the Christmas No 1 spot with “For Whom The Bell Tolls”. To mark the event we get a live by satellite performance from New York. As with the vast majority of these satellite specials, it’s a total let down. Maybe I’m viewing them through 2022 eyes and in 1993 it may have been a major event but I can’t help but think it’s totally lame. A completely uneventful run through of the song performed underneath Brooklyn Bridge is interlaced with some totally non related shots of ice skating at the Rockefeller Center. And that’s it. Yes, it’s a cinematic backdrop I guess with the Statue of Liberty visible in the background and a helicopter comes into view at one point but I was more fascinated by who the fourth Bee Gee was up there with Barry, Maurice and Robin.

There’s an easy line to be written here about the next artist and the title of her latest single but I’m not that obvious. All I’ll say is that 1993 is surely a year that Dina Carroll would never forget. Five hit singles and an album that was the highest selling debut by a British female artist in UK chart history at the time? It was the stuff of dreams. The last of those five hits was “The Perfect Year” which was from the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Sunset Boulevard. It seemed a bit of an anomaly to me at the time. Firstly, it wasn’t on the aforementioned album (“So Close”) which confused and upset a few punters in the Our Price store I was working in and wouldn’t appear on an album until Dina’s sophomore effort “Only Human” appeared a whole three years later.

Secondly, the schedule for its release had clearly been set to cash in on the Christmas holidays market with the lyrics even referencing New Year’s Eve but it was hampered by the extended success of previous single “Don’t Be A Stranger”. So well received had it been that it was still in the Top 10 and outsold “The Perfect Year” on the latter’s first week of release. Clearly, record label A&M would not have wanted her previous hit to be splitting sales of her new one but because of the latter’s Christmas theme, they couldn’t keep it back any later. Dina having two simultaneous hits added to the customer confusion in store:

Customer: Do you have the Dina Carroll single?

Me: Which one? There’s two

Customer: The one that’s in the charts

Me: They both are

Customer: The one that’s a big ballad

Me: They both are

Customer: Well, I’ll get her album then I’m covered

Me: Her album doesn’t have both singles on it

Customer: Are you having a laugh?

Me: Not really, no

Dina’s performance here is very professional but then she’d had plenty of practice at being on TOTP that year. It felt like she was on the show every other week. Her black and white outfit is very effective against the Wintery backdrop though those impractical, oversized sleeves must have been a nightmare at the dinner table. Also, why did they feel the need to insert some clips (presumably) from the video while Dina was singing? They looked so incongruous. Children running across a field and then staring at the camera motionless – why? Then there’s the old fella. The expression he had on his face reminded me of something and it’s this. My sadly departed mother-in-law used to work as a receptionist in a doctor’s surgery and would sometimes bring home freebies from the pharmaceutical companies like mugs. She had one that was just an old man grinning on it. The first time I saw it I couldn’t understand why anyone would have that image on a mug and then I turned it around and saw the drug it was advertising – it was a brand of laxative. Aaah…

“The Perfect Year” had to settle for a chart peak of No 5, two places lower than “Don’t Be A Stranger”.

Four Breakers now starting with UB40 whose single “Bring Me Your Cup” I don’t recall at all. It was the third track lifted from their “Promises And Lies” album and listening to it now, it’s actually a lot better than I was expecting. It starts out very understated but forms an unexpected ear worm very quickly with its lilting rhythm allied to Ali Campbell’s soothing vocals. Should probably have been a bigger hit than No 24 but then the album had been out for over four months by then so maybe it was to be expected. Not a bad effort though.

In amongst the endless diet of Eurodance bollocks that 1993 served up there were the occasional morsels of unexpected taste. Songs that would appear for no apparent reason and then the artist would pretty much disappear again. Off the top of my head I’m thinking Spin Doctors, The Frank and Walters and this lot – Blind Melon. These US psychedelic rockers reminded me of fellow countrymen Jellyfish who similarly are known in this country for one hit and not much else despite there being so much more to them. Blind Melon’s contribution to the story of 1993 was “No Rain”, a hippy, trippy, winsome tune with some Beatles influences thrown in for good measure. It sounded like an antidote to some of the god awfulness populating the charts and yet again a complete outlier.

Helping to promote the song was the video featuring the ‘bee girl’, a tap dancer in a bee costume and large glasses who gets laughed off stage and then spends the rest of the film trying to dance for anyone who will let her. She eventually finds an unlikely outlet for her routine – a field of similarly dressed people all dancing together. The girl playing the character would become a bit of a star, hobnobbing with the likes of Madonna at the MTV awards before having a career as an actress appearing in two episodes of US medical drama ER. Blind Melon themselves would have two further very minor UK chart hits before disbanding in 1999. They have reformed a couple of times since despite the drugs overdose death of vocalist Shannon Hoon.

Name a Pet Shop Boys single released in 1993? “Go West” right? Has to be. No? “Can You Forgive Her” then? Still not the one you’re thinking of? “I Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind Of Thing” – well, no I don’t habitually spend hours trying to remember the titles of Pet Shop Boys singles but…oh, of course! That was the third track released from their “Very” album and in many ways is the quintessential PSB song. Eccentric title? Check! Swirly synth back beat? Check! Gloriously catchy, camp melody? Check! Typically deadpan vocals from Neil Tennant? Check! This was what they did best. Sadly, I think it got caught up in the Christmas rush and didn’t even make the Top 10, peaking at No 13.

The kaleidoscopic video features Chris and Neil in daft wigs that make the former look like Mike Flowers of Mike Flowers Pops (two years before anybody knew who he was) and the latter like Louis Balfour, host of The Fast Show’s Jazz Club. Nice!

The final Breaker comes from “the most successful rap group of 1993” according to host Mark Franklin. Were Cypress Hill that big?

*checks their bio*

Seems they were. The band have sold 20 million albums worldwide and in 1993 their second album “Black Sunday” went straight into the US charts at No 1 selling 261,000 copies in its first week. Their eponymous debut album was also still on the charts at the same time and they became the first hip hop artist to have two albums in the Top 10 simultaneously.

From “Black Sunday” came this third single “I Ain’t Goin’ Out Like That”. I’d liked the House Of Pain sounding “Insane In The Brain” (who couldn’t?) but by this one I’d probably lost interest. Maybe I had a beef with them as the album was one of those that always needed a temporary inlay card to display it otherwise the real CD cover would get nicked especially as the booklet contained 19 facts about the history of hemp and the positive attributes of cannabis. The middle class, white kids in Altrincham where I was working loved all of that stuff and especially those T-shirts and posters with the image of an alien on them with a massive reefer blazing up bearing the legend ‘Take me to your dealer’. Laughed their arses off at that every time.

“I Ain’t Goin’ Out Like That” peaked at No 15.

We have arrived at the first of those two terrible songs that end the show. By 1993, Cliff Richard was absolutely synonymous with Christmas. Not only had he claimed the festive No 1 twice since 1988 (thrice if you count his contribution to Band Aid II) but he seemed to have a tilt at it every year. “We Should Be Together” was his offering in 1991 peaking at No 10 and “I Still Believe In You” was strategically released in late November the following year to try and capture those Christmas sales making it to No 7. Come 1993 and Cliff was chancing his arm once more with “Healing Love”. Not a specifically Christmas themed song for once, it was actually the last of five singles released from his “The Album”…erm…album. It was co-written by Nik Kershaw who knows his way around a decent pop tune but this definitely wasn’t one of them. It’s not just that it’s a sluggish, turgid, completely unexceptional tune but the lyrics are dreadful. Really hackneyed stuff about losing the battle but winning the war and how about this for a line a seven year old could have written…

“Now I can see that you’re feeling sad…”

Come on! For this performance, Cliff has turned up in a jacket and tie and looks like he’s got his schedule wrong and was expecting to be on Wogan and not TOTP. As ever, he’s brought with him that guy from the aforementioned Modern Romance as one of his backing singers who’s been with him since “Mistletoe And Wine”.

“Healing Love” never hit a sniff at topping the charts peaking at No 19 but Cliff never really gave up on his quest for another Christmas No 1. The following year, he teamed up with his old pal Phil Everly for a double A-side of “All I Have To Do Is Dream” and a remix of his old hit “Miss You Nights” but it topped out at No 14. He couldn’t have come any closer in 1999 with the divisive “The Millennium Prayer” which actually went to No 1 and was still top of the pile with just one week to go before being toppled by Westlife. Undeterred, he went again in 2003 (“Santa’s List” – No 5) and 2006 (“21st Century Christmas” – No 2) and this year he has released a Christmas album. Cliff was 82 in October. You have to admire his longevity if not his music.

Just…just…f*****g WHY?! What were people thinking?! Oh, yeah. Of course. There was no thinking happening at all. A complete lack of brain activity. How else can you explain this total failure of any sense of taste on such a widespread scale? This monumental aberration. Nothing about “Mr Blobby” by Mr Blobby deserved anything but our complete contempt. So why was it f*****g No 1? Were 5 year olds (or their parents) buying it? When The Teletubbies became a phenomenon a few years later with the pre school population and released a record, I could just about understand parents doing just that but Mr Blobby wasn’t quite the same type of character. His beginnings weren’t on children’s TV but an early evening light entertainment show presumably not being watched by toddlers so who was his single appealing to? It certainly wasn’t funny and neither was its accompanying video which featured a number of celebrity cameos. Obviously, Edmonds was there being responsible for the whole debacle but there’s also a very young looking Jeremy Clarkson as Mr Blobby’s limo driver, Carole Vorderman, Wayne Sleep and bizarrely ex-footballer and pundit Garth Crooks. Mr Blobby is seen in various scenes where he inevitably falls over destroying everything in his path which includes parodies of four well known recent pop promos – “Addicted To Love” by Robert Palmer, “Rhythm Is A Dancer” by Snap!, “I Can’t Dance” by Genesis and “Stay” by Shakespear’s Sister. The last one particularly grinds my gears for the pure reason that it uses actual footage of the original in the parody – why? We all knew which video it was lampooning when the camera switched to the lookalike Marcella Detroit so why try and install some credibility by using images of the real one? I don’t know why this especially offends me but it does. Anyway, this madness will all be over soon as Take That will be top of the charts next week and surely also the Christmas No 1 won’t it? Won’t it?

Order of appearanceArtistTitleDid I buy it?
1Bad Boys IncWalking On AirOf course not
2Prince ControversyNo
3GabrielleI WishNope
4Bee GeesFor Whom The Bell TollsI did not
5Dina CarrollThe Perfect YearNah
6UB40Bring Me Your CupNegative
7Blind MelonNo RainNo but maybe should have
8Pet Shop BoysI Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind Of ThingNo but I assume it’s on their Pop Art Best Of which I have
9Cypress HillI Ain’t Goin’ Out Like ThatIt’s another no
10Cliff RichardHealing LoveNever happening
11Mr BlobbyMr BlobbyWhat do you think?

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001frnn/top-of-the-pops-09121993

TOTP 02 DEC 1993

We’re into December 1993 here at TOTP Rewind and the charts are starting to shape up for the race for Christmas No 1 with many a new release jostling for position on the starting grid as it were. Of the ten songs featured in this show, only two of them have been on previously. Amongst them are two future chart toppers including the festive one but we start by addressing this whole 3D thing. I can’t say I’m any sort of expert on 3D technology but I’m guessing that back in 1993 it probably seemed quite revolutionary. However, according to Wikipedia, the first stereoscope that tricked the brain into combining two separate images to produce 3D perception was developed in 1838! Fast forward 150 odd years and Panasonic introduced the first TV with 3D capability in 1981. Twenty years on from that and 3D screenings of films gained in popularity peaking with the release of Avatar in 2009. In the wake of that film, there was a short period of demand for 3D TVs but sales plateaued quickly and production of them had. all but stopped by 2016. OK, so given all the above, I’m sticking with my original summation that this was probably quite the event in 1993*.

*Apparently, this TOTP was part of the BBC’s 3DTV week (so an event indeed) which included this notorious piece of TV history…

So how did TOTP incorporate 3D into the show? Well, they kind of fudged it. The whole show wasn’t in 3D but there were some sections that lent themselves to some experimentation. The ‘weather vane’ opening titles were accentuated by adding some 3D graphics to them of the glasses that were required to appreciate the effects (proceeds from the sales of the glasses went to Children In Need). Then host Tony Dortie’s links were an obvious opportunity to add some 3D-ness so instead of the usual backdrop of the studio audience he had the show logo in 3D behind him. The show’s producers also hijacked the official promo videos for the Breakers section and showed some specifically put together films instead that highlighted the 3D technology in its best light. This resulted in the most inappropriate visual backing you’re ever likely to see for “YMCA” by The Village People. They do the same thing for the whole of U2’s “Stay (Faraway, So Close!)” video before climaxing with the pièce de résistance of the studio performance by Take That but more of that later. On with the actual music…

We begin with a song that I knew from its recording by another artist but not the actual original. “Don’t Look Any Further” was originally released by ex-frontman of The Temptations Dennis Edwards in 1984 on the Motown label but failed to chart. Four years later, The Kane Gang released their version of the song. You remember The Kane Gang surely? They had a couple of hits in 1984 with “Closest Thing To Heaven”and “Respect Yourself” and their song “Smalltown Creed” was the inspiration behind the ‘Ooh Gary Davies’ jingle for the Radio 1 DJ. After that they rather drifted away despite a second album which included the glorious “Motortown” single and “Don’t Look Any Further”. Sadly, neither of these great tracks could revive their commercial fortunes peaking at Nos 45 and 52 respectively.

Five years on and the song was rejuvenated by the dance act of 1993 M People who were on a roll having already racked up three Top 10 singles during the year including No 2 hit “Moving On Up”. They do a pretty good job of the track with the vocals shared between Heather Small and Mark Bell which I’m guessing didn’t happen too often. To my mind though, I would have thought that the track “Renaissance” would have been a better choice of single given that it already had a public profile from its use as the soundtrack the BBC student documentary The Living Soap which aired this year. That oversight was corrected early the following year when it became the fourth and final single released from “Elegant Slumming”.

It’s that U2 video for “Stay (Faraway, So Close!)” now or rather it isn’t as it’s been sacrificed for a promo film put together to highlight the 3D sheen that it’s been lacquered with. It seems to be a load of unrelated images of people doing everyday things like sitting in cafes, buying flowers at a market in European city settings like Paris, Amsterdam and Venice. A carnival (?) full of costumed and bemasked participants comes in towards the end. I wonder if the show’s producers had to have a difficult conversation with U2’s management to get approval for showing this instead of the official video that they’d have paid money to make?

Next a song that always reminds me of Christmas 1993. I’ve not been complimentary about Björk in the past but I’ve amended my opinion over time from she can’t sing to she can sing but I just don’t like her voice but I’ll have to modify it again. I have actually enjoyed re-hearing her singles “Venus As A Boy” and “Play Dead” on these TOTP repeats and this one, “Big Time Sensuality”, is the best of the lot. From its brooding, slowly building intro, it moves through the gears of its electronic beats to a pulsating and sustained rhythm that somehow manages to upstage even Björk’s idiosyncratic vocals. It’s a banger and no mistake.

The live by satellite performance here from Rennes means we don’t get to see the actual infamous video with Björk filmed hamming it up on the back of a truck while it moves slowly through the streets of New York City.

Did its black and white filming and use of fast motion special effects influence the promo for The Prodigy’s “Firestarter”? Maybe but it was definitely sent up by those masters of parody French and Saunders though…

And it’s finally arrived. The moment in pop music history when the UK officially lost its collective mind and deemed it necessary to rush out and buy 600,000 copies of a record perceived by many a poll as the worst of all time. The Mr Blobby phenomenon is hard to explain. Initially a recurring character from BBC light entertainment programme Noel’s House Party, he became enshrined in British popular culture and somehow still retains a presence to this day. His original premise was as a tool in the Gotcha Oscars segment of the show, a kind of Candid Camera for the 90s where celebrities were duped into performing humiliating activities. Under the impression that Mr Blobby was a genuine Children’s TV character, they were then left to look on in bewilderment as this pink and yellow spotted costumed figure with a permanent grin proceeded to trash everything in its path and immediate vicinity. Somehow, this walking catastrophe managed to capture the nation’s hearts and his fame transcended his initial purpose. He would crop up on other TV shows including Lovejoy and Keeping Up Appearances and was a regular on other light entertainment programmes and kids TV like Live & Kicking and The Generation Game. Sensing there was money to be made unexpectedly out of this dereliction of duty to the traditions of humour on behalf of the public, merchandisers got in in the act with a number of Mr Blobby products including dolls, slippers, towels and a ‘blobbumentary’ VHS video. A record was inevitable and duly arrived in late November to cash in on the Christmas market.

I can find no redeeming features at all to “Mr Blobby” the single. Sure, there’d been many a novelty record make the charts prior to it. My Dad owned a copy of Benny Hill’s “Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West)” which was not only a chart topper but the Christmas No 1 of 1971. There was at least a plot to it though featuring a fair few innuendos to keep the adults engaged. It worked for kids as well – I can remember playing it on the family record player as a child and being entertained. It was a multi level masterpiece compared to “Mr Blobby”. There have also been records that have come out of TV shows like The Wombles in the 70s but at least they had a charm and were written by genuine songwriter Mike Batt. Plus, the Wombles were eco-friendly and ahead of their time. Mr Blobby was just an accident prone, irritating twat. The 80s provided us with another novelty No 1 in “The Chicken Song” by Spitting Image and as lame as it was, at least it had its origins in a controversial, politics lampooning, satirical comedy show with genuinely amusing puppets. Mr Blooby was devoid of any trace of humour and his costume was shit. As for the actual “Mr Blobby” ‘song’ if you an call it that, there are no words but seeing as this is a text based blog, I guess I’ll have to try and write some. It’s just hideous, an assault to the ears, totally devoid of any musical merit, atrocious, excrement…They couldn’t use the character’s voice on account of it being electronically altered and also that he only uses it to say “Blobby, blobby, blobby” so what sort of vocal could they use instead? Of course, the most annoying of all vocals committed to vinyl ever – a St Winifred’s school style kids choir! Heinous!

Oh God, I haven’t even got onto the video yet. I’ll maybe leave that for another post because horror of horrors, this diabolical record not only gets to No 1 (twice!) but it will also be *SPOILER ALERT* the 1993 Christmas No 1.

From the ridiculous to the sublime. The East 17 v Take That rivalry was hardly Oasis v Blur but in 1993 that particular feud didn’t exist so the Walthamstow street urchins meets Manchester’s slick pop idols was much bigger than the Bros versus Brother Beyond battle of 1988 surely? In the war for chart dominance, Take That seemed to be pulling clear of East 17 having bagged themselves two consecutive No 1s whilst Tony, Brian and…erm…the other two were flailing around in the mid parts of the Top 40. Their last two singles hadn’t even made the Top 10. Something needed to be done and it was with the release of the sixth and final single from their debut album everything was suddenly alright again. “It’s Alright” is, for me, the band’s best ever work even eclipsing the smooth sound of “Deep” and Christmas tear jerker “Stay Another Day”.

I’m a sucker for a song that starts slowly and then explodes into life and “It’s Alright” fits the bill perfectly. From that tinkling piano intro courtesy of Tony Mortimer leading into Brian Harvey’s isolated, angelic vocal (whatever else has been said about him, the guy could sing) to the momentary lull and the song taking off with that shouty chorus allied to a breakneck electronic backing – its marvellous stuff. Add in some punchy, racing strings and a return to the soft, lilting piano riff for the outro and it’s almost 1993 pop perfection. The album version was much more lacklustre and so you really needed to buy The Guvnor mix of the single (which I did). The song is really all about Tony and Brian’s parts so they had to find something for the other two to do for this performance. One of them gets a bass guitar to fiddle about with whilst the other is left to his own devices up front – he resorts to some shadow boxing moves at one point. He might as well have been hiding in one of the telephone boxes that inexplicably decorate the stage. At least it would have given them a reason for being there. The nostalgia of Brian Harvey’s chimney style beanie hat is also bizarrely comforting to me.

“It’s Alright” went to No 3 becoming their biggest hit at that point and also kickstarted their golden era which would culminate in that cash cow of a Christmas No 1 a year later.

The Breakers next but as specified earlier, not the official promo videos that should have accompanied them but those specially put together films to show off the 3D effects. We start with the first sighting in the UK charts of Snoop Doggy Dogg. There’s so much to say about this artist (just check out the length of his Wikipedia entry) that I’m not about to try and give a potted history of him in a few sentences here. However, I do recall in 1993 that he was being talked up as the next big rap/hip-hop superstar. He had a credible back story having featured on the legendary Dr.Dre’s debut album and single. A year later he was centre stage with his own debut material released, like Dre’s, on the Death Row Records label. “What’s My Name?” was a Top 10 smash in the US but only managed to peak at No 20 over here which seems odd given that it sold 200,000 copies in the UK. I’m pretty sure we sold many of them in the small branch of Our Price I was working at in Altrincham, Cheshire. I never failed to be amused by the antics of clearly middle class white kids in a market town in Trafford, Greater Manchester who would wander around the store acting as if they were from the hood. They’d affect that ‘-izzle’ vocabulary that Snoop Doggy Dogg is known for popularising (“shizzle my nizzle” and all that), in a faux black patois whilst flicking through our rap section. Who were they kidding? I once heard one lad say to his mate as he browsed the section, “Oh man that’s bad* and that’s badder than that and that’s badder than that!”.

*Bad meaning good obvs

Instead of the infamous dog morphing video, we are dished up some images of rides at a fairground to display the those 3D effects. Man, that’s bad!*

*Bad meaning shite

Alongside Mariah Carey’s “Hero” and “Again” by Janet Jackson, the next Breaker was one of those ballads that hung around the charts for ages, sold loads but never really achieved the chart peak you might imagine it would. Of the three, “For Whom The Bell Tolls” by the Bee Gees achieved the highest position of No 4 (“Hero” made No 7 and “Again” No 6). It spent a total of twelve weeks inside the Top 40 including six in the Top 10. Check out its full chart run:

38 – 13 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 4 – 6 – 8 – 12 – 19 – 26 – 34

It’s solid stuff and that peak of No 4 would make it the band’s biggest hit of the whole decade. For all you tend to think of their massive success being in the 70s (which it was), they didn’t do too badly in the 90s. Eight Top 40 hits of which four went Top 5. Compare that to the 80s when they only had one entry into the Top 40 albeit that went all the way to the top (“You Win Again” in 1987). Having said all that “For Whom The Bell Tolls” seems a fairly unremarkable ballad to me. It does however allow for both Barry (verses) and Robin (chorus) to showcase their rather unique vocals. There’s also something about the bridge that reminds me of Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” and if it sounds bizarre to mention Shaggy and the Bee Gees in the same breath, remember that the former made an unlikely album with Sting. As for the 3D film, it’s an aerial shot of a mountain range that looks like that one Jon Bon Jovi stood at the top of for the “Blaze Of Glory” video.

If it’s Christmas party season in 1993 then it must be time for a rerelease of a 70s disco classic. Yes, following in the footsteps of the likes of Sister Sledge, Boney M and Gloria Gaynor who all enjoyed small revivals in this year comes The Village People and their huge 1978 hit “Y.M.C.A.”. As far as I can tell, this was its first time back in our charts since which seems remarkable considering its ubiquity. I’m guessing there was a Best Of album out as well to cash in on the “Y.M.C.A. (‘93 remix)” No 12 chart performance but I really can’t remember. The most striking thing about this though is the film that the TOTP producers chose to go with it to highlight 3DTV week. Whose idea was it to sync one of the biggest, campest disco party tunes of all time with some ground level images of a big stick and a Dalmatian dog walking by it?! Even in super duper 3D that must have been boring as hell!

We have reached the TOTP 3D crescendo. Where previously the effects had been restricted to using specifically created videos replacing the official promos for featured songs and some jiggery pokery going on behind host Tony Dortie during his links, the moment had come for some actual 3D-ness whilst an artist performed in the studio. And what better artist for this extravaganza than the biggest in Britain Take That?*

*One in the eye for the overlooked East 17 there

After their last two singles had both gone straight into the charts at No 1, a third looked a sure fire bet and what’s more, they’d timed it perfectly to bag the Christmas chart topper whilst they were at it. The track chosen for the job was “Babe”, an out and out ballad which was a change of direction for the band. Yes, they’d had a hit with a ballad before in “A Million Love Songs” but whilst that was a bit of a sway-a-long swooner, “Babe” was of a different flavour. For a start it was completely overwrought, written to bring teenage girls to a state of high tension and unmanageable emotions. I recall thinking the first time I heard it that it was the drippiest, wettest sounding thing I’d heard since…I dunno…”Seasons In The Sun” by Terry Jacks maybe?

Secondly, the vocals were supplied by Mark Owen for the first time and not Gary Barlow. His saccharine stylings were perfect for the song which apparently had been written specifically for him by Barlow at the request of the band’s manager Nigel Martin-Smith to cash in on Owen’s popularity (like Ringo Starr, he got the most fan mail). Post 1996 when the band first broke up, the talk was all about who would have the biggest solo career – Gary Barlow or Robbie Williams? The claims of a third band member are largely skipped over nowadays but it should be remembered that Mark Owen also has a back catalogue of work including five albums and six hit singles. The first of those, “Child”, was actually pretty good.

Thirdly, Barlow’s construction of the song also had to take into account the guitar playing proficiency (or limits thereof) of Jason Orange. With shades of The Monkees lingering, Orange (and Owen presumably) were wanting to be more proactive in the recording of their songs rather than being pretty boy backing dancers to Barlow’s talent and so Jase had begun to learn to play the guitar. Gary takes up the story:

“Jay had always felt that musically he didn’t contribute to the band like the rest of us, which is what prompted him to take up the guitar. Eventually Mark, whose voice was getting better, and Jay, who had totally cracked the chords for the chorus, had the song down pat; it was time for the middle eight. The trouble was I didn’t want Jay to have to learn any more chords, so I wrote the rest of the song around the ones he already knew. There was one other complication in that Mark was at the top of his range, so it couldn’t go any higher. It’s a hell of a way to write a hit.”

https://www.songfacts.com/facts/take-that/babe

Anyway, “Babe” duly crashed in at No 1 on its first week of release making Take That the first act in UK chart history to achieve this feat*. The Christmas No 1 would elude them though in unlikely and controversial circumstances when Mr Blobby, having been deposed by Take That, went back to the top of the chart on Christmas Day.

*Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s first three singles all went to No 1 but didn’t all top the charts in week one. “Relax” took twelve weeks to rise to the summit

As for the 3D effects, the images used behind and swirling around the band seem to be a very literal interpretation of the song. We get an early 20th century phone and a load of numbers on screen when Owen sings “so I picked up the phone and dialled your number” before the special effects team give up and just have a heart shape with the band members emblazoned on it flying around. It was probably all very exciting if you were a teenage girl and had the requisite 3D glasses at the time. I wasn’t and didn’t.

The No 1 bizarrely seems like an anti climax after all that but then it is Meatloaf who is in his seventh week at the top with “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” so maybe that’s about right. Meat would never have another No 1 record in the UK nor US though he came close in 1995 when another preposterously titled single “I’d Lie For You (And That’s The Truth)” got to No 2 in this country. RIP Meatloaf.

Order of appearanceArtistTitleDid I buy it?
1M PeopleDon’t Look Any FurtherNo but my wife had the album
2U2Stay (Faraway, So Close!)No
3BjörkBig Time SensualityNo but I should have
4Mr BlobbyMr BlobbyWhat do you reckon?
5East 17It’s AlrightYes, yes I did!
6Snoop Doggy DoggWhat’s My Name?Nope
7Bee GeesFor Whom The Bell TollsNah
8The Village PeopleY.M.C.A. (‘93 remix)Negative
9Take ThatBabeI did not
10MeatloafI’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)And no

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001frnf/top-of-the-pops-02121993