Smokie

TOTP 19 OCT 1995

Posted on by 80stastic

Three days before this TOTP aired, a seismic event shook the UK. Bet Lynch left Coronation Street! Yes, after a solid run of 25 years on the soap, the character (played by Julie Goodyear) was finally leaving the show. She would return for a couple of guest appearances in 2002 and 2003 but her days as the landlady of the Rover’s Return came to an end on 16th October 1995. An iconic figure, she bestrode the cobbles of Weatherfield in her leopard skin print outfits and bleached blonde beehive hairdo with purpose and identity, one of life’s survivors. Not that I was watching Coronation Street back then. I think I’d long given up on it and so probably missed Bet’s grand departure. I think I must have been about to start watching Hollyoaks though with its first episode airing just four days after this TOTP. Anyway, I wonder if the influence of Bet Lynch can be spotted in any of the acts in this episode.

There’s no evidence of one of Coronation Street’s most memorable characters in this week’s hosts who are comedians Stewart Lee and Richard Herring again (they’d presented a show back in the May of this year as well). I can’t imagine that either of them even watched the soap at the time – it probably wouldn’t have aligned well with their brand of satirical humour. Lee’s hair here is quite the stand out. I recall those curtains-style haircuts being popular in the mid 90s but he seems to have taken it way beyond that with his hairstyle verging on Hasidic Judaism.

The first act tonight is Wildchild and whilst you may not remember the name, their hit will sound familiar not least because it was a hit three times over. Originally released in April 1995 under the title of “Legends Of The Dark Black Pt 2 (Renegade Master Mix)”, it peaked at No 34. Six months later, as was the way of dance records in this year, this version was released as simply “Renegade Master” when it topped out at No 11. In January 1998, the track was remixed by Fatboy Slim and was rereleased as “Renegade Master ‘98” and it peaked at No 3.

That’s the stats dealt with but what about the actual track? Was it any good? Well, you know me, I’m no dance head so I’m not best qualified to answer that question but watching this performance back, there didn’t seem to be much to it at all. Basically it’s just a couple of samples (“Eye Examination” by Del the Funky Homosapien for the riff and “One For The Trouble” by A.D.O.R. for the vocals)* worked up into a full blown track.

*Yes, obviously I had to look this up!

The person behind Warchild, whom I assume is the guy on stage here, was Roger McKenzie who tragically passed away just weeks after this performance from an undiagnosed heart condition. With such a dance oriented hit, the TOTP producers faced the recurring dilemma of how to showcase it. In this case, it was left to McKenzie to lead a dance troupe of four dressed in military fatigues in a heavily synchronised routine. Sort of reminiscent of Janet Jackson circa her “Rhythm Nation 1814” era.

By my reckoning this is the fourth TOTP appearance from Smokie for their sweary hit “Living Next Door To Alice (Who The F**k Is Alice?)” which seems extraordinary but then it did stay on the Top 40 for 14 weeks of which 8 were inside the Top 10. Thankfully, the merciful gods of the UK charts have seen fit to spare us mere mortals the horror of Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown being on the show so it’s left to the studio audience to insert the ‘bleeps’. Conversely though, this makes the whole putrid nonsense seem even more bizarre with a group of middle aged men still clearly stuck squarely in their 70s heyday singing a song to a crowd of youngsters, who have no idea who they were or are, waiting to shout out “Alice? Who the bleep is Alice?!”. At least Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown’s objectionable presence clearly categorised the whole odious exercise as a novelty record. Without him there it was just downright weird. Deservedly, Smokie never had another UK Top 40 hit.

https://youtu.be/VZid7HPfoiA?si=cXylr7gXjxM4VXBf

No sign of Bet in this next song though it is inspired by five fictional female characters or rather the aircraft they piloted. If anybody reading this was /is a fan of the Gerry Anderson show Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons then you will be familiar with the Angels and their Angel Interceptors fighter planes. Code named Destiny, Symphony, Rhapsody, Melody and Harmony, they defended the Spectrum organisation’s airborne HQ Cloudbase from enemy attack. Thinking about it, how did Ash know about Captain Scarlet?! Wasn’t their debut album famously named “1977” after the year they were born in (and the year that the first Star Wars film came out)? So they were 18 in 1995? How did they know about a TV series that first aired in 1967? Remember, this was well before the internet was widely available and YouTube was yet to be invented. Well, Wikipedia tells me that the show was rebroadcast on BBC2 in 1993 following the success of the Thunderbirds repeats the year before so I’m guessing that would be how it came into the band’s cultural reference framework.

Whatever the origins of the song and how they came about, what couldn’t be denied was that “Angel Interceptor” was a worthy follow up to “Girl From Mars”. Cut from (roughly) the same cloth, it belts along at pace but doesn’t sacrifice melody to maintain that speed resulting in a pretty nifty tune. The video on the other hand doesn’t have much going for it. Apparently, the band themselves had major input into the promo but I don’t think I’d be owning up to that as it’s all pretty lacklustre stuff that lacks much in the way of a plot.

Finally we have arrived at the last knockings of the hit machine phenomenon that was 2 Unlimited. Well, almost. “Do What’s Good For Me” wasn’t strictly their last ever hit on these shores (there was one final single that clambered to No 38 in 1998) but it did usher in the end of their TOTP appearances. Hurray! / Boo! (delete as applicable). They’d had a good run though with their first time on the show going way back to 1991 with “Get Ready For This”. The hits flowed after that with a total of 14 UK chart entries of which only two failed to make the Top 20 with eight going Top 10 (including that No 1). I pretty much despised everything they ever did but I guess you have to give credit to a run of success like that.

“Do What’s Good For Me” was taken from the duo’s “Hits Unlimited” collection whose chart peak of No 27 gave more support to the idea that the game was up for Ray and Anita. After the hits dried up the pair left the project which continued with replacements recruited. Ray and Anita reunited in 2012 to perform live gigs but Anita departed for a second time in 2016 when she replaced by someone mysteriously called just Kim.

Another prolific 90s act now. East 17 had been having hits almost as long as 2 Unlimited with their first hit “House Of Love” entering the charts in 1992. Three years later they were on to their twelfth in “Thunder” which was the lead single from their third studio album “Up All Night”. So that’s three albums and twelve singles in three years – like I said, prolific. I’m sure that there was a special edition of the CD version of the album that had that frosted glass look which if you tilted it changed the image…

*Checks the Discogs website*

…Discogs describes it as ‘lenticular’ – sounds like a bone in the body or a particularly crap comedian stage name (Len Tickles Ya?). Anyway, “Thunder” continued the band’s obsession with weather themed singles – earlier in the year they’d released “Let It Rain”. This performance sees the four lads joined on stage with a guitarist, drummer and an unlikely second keyboard player supplementing Tony Mortimer (who has a keyboard of his own). Presumably the group wanted to beef up their sound? Or at least give the impression of beefing up their sound.

As for the song itself, it’s got a strong chorus I guess but the lyrics are dreadful – some nonsense about the thunder calling you from the mountain high and spreading your wings and flying.

And so to another band who once recorded a song about spreading your wings and flying. Surely Bet Lynch and Freddie Mercury were a match made in heaven (ahem) style wise? Well, it’s certainly true that she was the inspiration behind the look of Freddie’s drag persona in the video for Queen’s 1984 single “I Want To Break Free” in which the band all dressed up as Coronation Street characters.

After Freddie’s death in 1991 and his tribute concert the following year, the remaining band members returned to the studio in 1993 to work up the final vocal recordings Mercury had done in his last days into full blown songs. With not enough tracks to fill a whole album, it was decided to seek out non Queen songs that Freddie had either recorded as a solo artist or contributed vocals to. So we had “I Was Born To Love You and “Made In Heaven” from his “Mr. Bad Guy” album and this one, “Heaven For Everyone” which was originally released on Roger Taylor’s side project band The Cross’s 1988 album “Shove It”. When made available as a single, the track featured Taylor on lead vocals but the album incarnation has Freddie doing the honours and it’s that version that was given the Queen treatment for the band’s 1995 album “Made In Heaven”. Released as the lead single from it, “Heaven For Everyone” went to No 2, a clear statement that the public’s appetite for the band had yet to be satiated. If the single was a statement then the album was a full blown press conference broadcast simultaneously to the world with it going to No 1 globally and 4 x platinum in the UK alone.

To me though, the song was a fairly unremarkable ballad that doesn’t really have that famous Queen bravado but I guess as the first official single released from the band since Freddie’s death, it probably needed to be reflective in its sound and intent.

Having listened to The Cross version, it doesn’t deviate that much accept for some incongruous spoken word bits in the intro, middle and end which don’t really add anything to the track at all. Clearly the record buying public weren’t ready for a Roger Taylor offshoot project in 1988 and it duly peaked at No 84.

With their ex-band mate Louise still in the charts, Eternal announced that they had no intention of disappearing with a stand up R&B track called “Power Of A Woman” (Bet Lynch would have been proud). As the single to begin a new era for the band, it was strong and confident and its move away from a more pop sound seemed to play up to those rumours that the band had ditched Louise to guarantee more airplay on US R&B stations. In fact, listening to it now, it resembles what Mariah Carey was doing around this time who herself was trying to harness a more R&B flavour.

The band restructure hadn’t meant a change in roles though as the majority of the vocal heavy lifting is still done by Easther Bennett with her sister Vernie and Kéllé Bryan acting pretty much as backing singers. The album of the same name would also do well going double platinum in the UK though that was half the amount of copies sold by their debut “Always & Forever” meaning that you could say that a loss of 25% of band membership cost them 50% of their popularity.

Finally we get the biggest Bet Lynch influence of the show as Cher channels her inner Rover’s Return landlady to perform with platinum blonde hair. Having already had two No 1s earlier in the decade (albeit one being from a film and the other as part of a quartet on charity single “Love Can Build A Bridge”) and chalking up two No 1 albums in the 90s in “Love Hurts” and “Greatest Hits: 1965-1992”, this era of Cher was going pretty well.

However, her album “It’s A Man’s World” would prove to be a slight misstep. Sure, it made the Top 10 over here but it sold a tenth of those two previous albums whilst its lead single – a cover of Marc Cohn’s “Walking In Memphis” – seemed like a blatant attempt to court commercial success. It had only been a hit three years previously so it was still very much in the public consciousness. Not only that but it had been the subject of that controversial dance cover by Shut Up And Dance which brought the threat of legal action from Cohn. Presumably all that litigious behaviour had been resolved before this Cher release as one of the extra tracks on the CD format of the single was a remix by…yep…Shut Up And Dance. I recall thinking the whole Cher version was a cynical exercise in trying to secure a hit to promote the new album and although it certainly was – a No 11 as opposed to the No 22 peak of the original – it was very much seen as a commercial disappointment (including by Cher herself). She would more than make up for said disappointment three years later when her hit “Believe” would become the biggest selling single in the UK of 1998.

It’s the fourth and final week at No 1 for “Fairground” by Simply Red and we finally get that Blackpool Pleasure Beach video. However, the whole thing is cloaked in so much special effects that it seems to lose much of the identity of Blackpool to me. The album “Fairground” was taken from (“Life”) went straight to No 1 so the single did well to retain peak position given that its sales must have been affected by its release. Even so, I for one, am glad its reign at the top was coming to an end.

As for a tie in with Bet Lynch, well who could forget her involvement in this iconic storyline set in Blackpool?

Order of appearanceArtistTitleDid I buy it?
1WildchildRenegade MasterNo
2Smokie / Roy ‘Chubby’ BrownLiving Next Door To Alice (Who The F**k Is Alice?)Of course not
3AshAngel InterceptorNo but I have their Best Of album with it on
42 UnlimitedDo What’s Good For MeNever
5East 17ThunderNope
6QueenHeaven For EveryoneNegative
7Eternal Power Of A WomanNah
8CherWalking In MemphisNot a chance
9Simply RedFairgroundI did not

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001x9f9/top-of-the-pops-19101995?seriesId=unsliced

TOTP 05 OCT 1995

Posted on by 80stastic

We’ve entered October with these TOTP repeats and three days before this show aired, an album hit the shops that would prove to be a landmark release in UK music history. “(What’s The Story) Morning Glory?” by Oasis would shift 345,000 copies in its first week and spend 10 weeks at No 1 on the album chart in total. It would eventually go 17 x platinum in the UK alone and win a Brit award for Best British Album. It even broke through in America going to No 4 over there selling 4 million copies in the process. It spawned two chart topping singles and two No 2s. In short, it was a monster, a phenomenon even. After the Battle of Britpop in the Summer that had put record shops at the heart of the national news, this album was a slam dunk off the back of it for the takings of stores across the country. It sold and sold and sold and then it sold some more. It sold more than any other album in the entire decade that was the 90s. Whether you liked it or not, you couldn’t ignore it.

Something else that you couldn’t ignore but it would be hard to like are the comedy characters dished up for our entertainment by tonight’s ‘golden mic’ hosts Hale & Pace. So, I have questions. To start with, why were these two on the show in the first place? Well, the eighth* series of their TV comedy series was just about to air but that was on ITV so it can’t have been seen as an opportunity to plug one of the Beeb’s shows.

*I know! Eight! They even did a couple more before it came to an end in 1998.

Was it just that they had these characters Jed & Dave who were like the stoned rocker versions of Smashie & Nicey and so executive producer Ric Blaxill took a lazy decision to get them in as guest presenters? It certainly wasn’t anything to do with Comic Relief as we’d already had that in March. Whatever the reason, they were in the TOTP studio and were ready to annoy!

There may not be any of the aforementioned Oasis on tonight’s show but there is certainly some Britpop. We start with Sleeper who are just getting into their stride with their third and biggest hit of 1995 with “What Do I Do Now?”. The lead single from their second album “The It Girl” which would be released the following May, it built on the success and sound of previous chart entries “Inbetweener” and “Vegas” but if anything was even more radio friendly. With that sophomore album not making an appearance until well into the following year, its subsequent success would mean that Sleeper were never as big as they were in 1996. “The It Girl” would go Top 5 and sell 300,000 copies in the UK spawning four Top 20 hits including two No 10s.

The performance here seems to me to cement Louise Wener’s position as one of the faces of Britpop and what a face! Wide eyed innocence, wrapped up in knowing coyness and a smile that you knew meant she’d be the best person to have a laugh with down the pub. I caught Sleeper live at the Manchester Academy in 1996 and they were pretty good as I remember. I went with my mate Steve and I have a clear memory of him grooving away to “What Do I Do Now?” which was way more entertaining than anything Hale & Pace served up on this TOTP.

Oh come on! How many times is this now that Smokie and Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown have been on the show? I think this is the third already. The success of “Who The F**k Is Alice?” was absolutely baffling to me. Were there really people up and down the country whom, having bought the single, took it home, put it on their stereo system, pressed play and then listened to it waiting for the chance to shout out “Alice? Who the f**k is Alice?!” at the top of the voices and then chuckling to themselves?! I guess there were mobile DJs who bought it and would play it at a birthday do they’d been booked for. That might account for some sales but this single stank out the charts for a total of 14 weeks on the Top 40 including 8 within the Top 10. It spent 9 consecutive weeks without once going down the charts. Surely wedding DJs can’t have accounted for all those sales?! And where was the outcry from the press about this record ?! Sure, it couldn’t be played on the radio unless it was a bleeped version but I don’t recall the papers in a meltdown about this youth corrupting filth. No, they were too busy getting their knickers in a twist about another chart hit but more of that later.

By the way, Hale & Pace’s intro with one of them (I never did know which one was which) getting lifted in the air on a wire really wasn’t worth setting up as the punchline for a limp play on words. Give me Cheryl Baker instead any day…

Some West Coast hip-hop next from Cypress Hill. As a pop kid, this lot were never really going to be my bag though I did quite like their previous hits “Insane In The Brain” and “I Ain’t Goin’ Out Like That”. This one – “Throw Your Set In The Air” – was the lead single from their third album “III: Temples Of Boom” but I have to say I don’t remember it. Cypress Hill were one of those ‘parental advisory explicit lyrics’ sticker artists which meant we weren’t supposed to play them on the shop stereo in the Our Price store I was working in at the time. Consequently, I was never that familiar with their work. I knew the album covers of such artists better than their songs due to the fact that the CD and cassette inlays were so nickable that we would keep them behind the counter and put a temporary, generic inlay out on the shop racks. This was in the days before the stock was security tagged and out on the shop floor live as it were. Rather pathetically, the hip-hop/rap artists would most likely be pinched by middle class white kids pretending they were from the hood (or something).

Another contrived yet duff intro from Hale & Pace about going metric and rhyming ‘a litre’ with Oleta ushers in the return of Oleta Adams. Yes, I was surprised to see her on the show again too. In my head, she had one massive hit single in the early 90s with her version of Brenda Russell’s “Get Here” (the success of which also catapulted her album “Circle Of One” to the top of the charts) and then nothing. This was plainly not the case though. Exhibit A, m’lud – “Never Knew Love”. The lead single from her “Moving On” album, its sound was nothing like the balladeering of “Get Here” but rather a competent if unremarkable R&B track – Oleta had indeed ‘moved on’.

Of course, I should have remembered earlier that in addition to “Get Here”, Oleta had added her considerable voice to the Tears For Fears hit “Woman In Chains” back in late 1989. By a pleasing quirk of fate, TFF were back in the UK Top 40 nine places below Oleta this week with their single “Raoul And The Kings Of Spain”. However, by this point, Curt Smith had left the band and it was essentially a Roland Orzabal solo track. By the way, I’m pretty sure that’s Shirley Lewis on backing vocals in this performance who was married to Luke Goss of Bros fame for 23 years before splitting in 2017. She clearly did “Drop The Boy” though I have no idea if there is any truth that Luke said of the divorce settlement “I Owe You Nothing”. I know – I’m looking for my coat as I type.

After their first appearance in the TOTP studio since 1980 the other week, Iron Maiden are back on the show again though clearly the experience scarred them as they have put a distance of approximately 3,000 miles between them and London for this second performance of “Falling Down”. Obviously, that’s not the reason – they’d played a gig in Jerusalem and then travelled to the ancient fortification of Masada to record this footage. It’s a stunning backdrop and is another example of the show’s executive producer Ric Blaxill’s vision of taking the satellite performances away from empty concert halls and giving them landmark locations instead.

However, I’m not sure that the helicopter views aid the song. It just makes the band seem small, inconsequential and rather silly against such a massive vista. I’ll leave the final word on this though to a Twitter user who posted this rather sage observation:

Robbie Williams wasn’t the only high profile departure from a successful five piece group in 1995. Louise Nurding left Eternal amid unsubstantiated rumours that a prominent US radio station dedicated to music made by black artists wouldn’t promote an interracial group. Rather obviously, a solo career beckoned and after a small rebrand (Nurding possibly wasn’t the best name for a pop star), Louise emerged with her debut single “Light Of My Life”. Now, I remember this as being a huge ballad but hearing it back, it’s quite a slight thing really. Written by Simon Climie of Climie Fisher fame, it never really gets going despite all those strings in the mix trying to beef it up. More 40 watt bulb than incandescent theatre spotlight. Watching this performance, Louise’s miming doesn’t seem very convincing somehow. Not that she’s out of sync or forgets the words or anything like that but just it all seems a little artificial – most strange.

Louise would go onto have a procession of hits including nine Top Tenners and two platinum selling albums. I know, I wouldn’t have believed it either if I hadn’t read it for myself. She would shed the girl next door image and then some by the time of her hit “Naked” but that’s for a future post. Let’s not get to that point too quickly (ahem).

And so to the hit that the British press couldn’t turn a blind eye to as they seemed to be able to with “Who The F**k Is Alice?”. Pulp’s double A-side single “Mis-Shapes / Sorted For E’s And Whizz” had careered into the UK charts at No 2 – we’d seen the band perform “Mis-shapes” on TOTP two weeks earlier as an exclusive preview. However, it was the second song that had caused controversy. Now, clearly its title contained some rather in your face drug’s references but that didn’t seem to bother the BBC as Jarvis Cocker is allowed to sing the lyrics without any censure* in this show.

*I think they may have shortened the title to just “Sorted” for the caption on that performance of “Mis-Shapes” though it is restored to its full, corrupting glory here.

And why would he have? If you listen to the lyrics, Jarvis isn’t pro recreational drugs but rather he’s pointing out what a hollow experience it ultimately is; that it’s just an artificially induced high and that the comedown can be brutal. He was writing from personal experience of attending raves and taking Ecstasy but at no point does he condone drug taking. The actual song title had come from something a girl he knew had said about going to see the Stone Roses at Spike Island in 1990. All she could recall of it was loads of dodgy looking geezers going around asking people if they were sorted for E’s and Whizz. Talking of the Roses, Pulp stood in for them at that year’s Glastonbury at the last minute whilst I myself was working in the Our Price store in Stockport alongside the late and very great Pete Garner who was their original bass player. I distinctly recall Pete saying that he couldn’t believe that Pulp had got away with releasing a single called “Sorted For E’s And Whizz”.

However, one newspaper in particular was determined to publish a story of outrage about the song and so turned their attention to the CD single’s cover which included an illustration of how to fold a speed wrap (though it doesn’t mention anything about it being used for that purpose in the text). The Daily Mirror went all in on this “sick stunt” as they called it with the article being written by one Kate Thornton later of X Factor fame. Here’s @TOTPFacts with the details:

DJ Neil Fox jumped on the bandwagon and refused to play it on his show and in the end, the band pulled the artwork and replaced it with something non controversial. With echoes of Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s “Relax”, all the press attention just increased sales of the single. Jarvis used both these TOTP appearances to make wry observations on all the fuss. In the “Mis-Shapes” performance, he channels his inner Bob Geldof and reads a copy of the Daily Mirror with that front cover during the middle eight and in this one, he finishes the song by producing an origami bird sculpture. Nicely done Jarvis.

One of the most interesting hits of the year now as we get Kylie Minogue and Nick Cave with “Where The Wild Roses Grow”. Everybody at the time was talking about how had this duet come about, so unlikely was the pairing – Cave, the gothic Prince of doomy art rock with the intimidatingly deep voice and Kylie, the Princess of Pop. Really though, there was no great story behind it. They were both Aussies and Nick really liked Kylie and so he wrote a song for her. Well, I say ‘liked’ but in his own words Cave described himself as having:

“…a quiet obsession with her for about six years.”

Jenkins, Jeff; Meldrum, Ian (2007). Molly Meldrum presents 50 Years of Rock in Australia. Melbourne, Vic: Wilkinson Publishing. p. 227. ISBN 978-1-921332-11-1.

Hmm. Doesn’t sound like the best starting point for a friendship but still. The song he came up with after a few ‘inappropriate” (his words again not mine) attempts was a murder ballad, that dark sub genre of the ballad form that told the narrative of a crime and (usually) gruesome death. I suppose that wasn’t your typical subject matter for a chart hit in 1995. However, it was quite brilliant – haunting, disturbing and yet beautifully melodic with both singers telling their version of the story superbly in tandem. It wasn’t just their differing musical backgrounds that made the duet so curious (though Kylie was well into her first career transformation from perceived SAW puppet to dance diva by this point) but their physical appearance. Cave has naturally…erm…striking (?) looks whilst Kylie has those fine, beautiful features but then there’s also the height difference – it really shouldn’t have worked but it absolutely did.

Around fifteen years after this TOTP performance, I did my own version of “Where The Wild Roses Grow” in a guitar class I was attending at the time, as a duet with a fellow student called Lisa. It even got recorded by the teacher. If only I could work out how to get it embedded into this post…

Simply Red are No 1 again with “Fairground” and this is already the third time in four weeks that it’s featured on the show. Mick Hucknall is, by all accounts, a massive…wait for it…Man United fan (you thought I was going to say something different then didn’t you?!) so no doubt he would have been delighted that his beloved team beat Liverpool in the FA Cup quarter final on Sunday just gone. Somebody who wasn’t impressed was my Hucknall despising mate Robin who texted me at the final whistle to say that United’s victory was the “footballing equivalent of a new Simply Red album”. I was just glad the result stopped Liverpool’s pursuit of a quadruple and thereby putting a spoke in the wheel of the media’s Jürgen Klopp love in. Jürgen Klopp…now he really is a “bleep” to quote Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown!

Order of appearanceArtistTitleDid I buy it?
1SleeperWhat Do I Do NowLiked it, didn’t buy it
2Smokie and Roy ‘Chubby’ BrownWho The F**k Is Alice?Away with you!
3Cypress HillThrow Your Set In The AirI did not
4Oleta AdamsNever Knew LoveNah
5Iron MaidenFalling DownNope
6LouiseLight Of My LifeNo
7PulpMis-Shapes / Sorted For E’s And WhizzNo but I had the album Different Class with them on
8Nick Cave and Kylie MinogueWhere The Wild Roses GrowNo but I sang it!
9Simply RedFairgroundNever!

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001wsmh/top-of-the-pops-05101995?seriesId=unsliced

TOTP 21 SEP 1995

Posted on by 80stastic

What Edward Woodward said! A reader of the blog tipped me off that this TOTP show was near and that I should be scared. I am and so should you be. Nothing to do with the music (though nearly all of it is frightening enough itself). No, the reason for my terror is that this is the Simon Mayo rhyming links episode! I’ve said many times when reviewing these TOTP repeats how I can’t abide the smug git and this week he seems to be deliberately trying to tip me over the edge. I don’t think we’ve seen him for a while as there have been a number of ‘golden mic’ presenters of late but now he was back and more annoying than ever. Before Mayo gets started on his inane practice of rhyming segues, we get the direct to camera piece at the top of the show which this week comes from Iron Maiden who are introducing their new lead singer Blaze Bayley after original vocalist Bruce Dickinson left in 1993.

More of them later though. We start, unfortunately, with Mayo who is to be known for tonight as ‘Rhymin’ Simon’ according to the TOTP caption. OK, well first of all, that doesn’t rhyme properly does it?! I think what I’ll do is give marks for each of his rhymes at the end of each act. That OK with you? Good.

Ah there’s lovely. It’s those two smashing, wholesome guys The Outhere Brothers! Veritable pillars of society that pair. Only kidding – the dirty mouthed duo more like. After, two consecutive UK No 1s (how?!!), the purveyors of filth are back with a third hit in “La La La Hey Hey”. It’s as insubstantial as its title hints at. Yet another call and response track, this one resorts to the lowest common denominator with its ‘lyrics’. They might have well have just grunted.

As with their previous hits, the version performed here appears to be the radio edit with any offending words removed. The full track includes a rap which bangs on about keeping “the pressure on the pecker”, “slapping her with a 1-2 checker” and of course a fairly gratuitous “mother f****r”. Just for good measure they slip in the line “Honeys shake ya booty all around”. I say once again, there’s lovely. “La La La Hey Hey” failed to make it a hat trick of chart toppers when it peaked at No 7. One more thing, why have they got the cast of Fame on stage with them?

Mayo’s Meter: “Hello, good evening, better lock up your mothers cos we’re kicking off with The Outhere Brothers

Verdict: Surely the phrase is ‘lock up your daughters’? Poor – 5/10

Right what’s this? Well, it’s another dance tune of course. I intentionally asked “what’s this?” rather than “who’s this?” as the name of the artist for such 90s hits wasn’t really relevant a lot of the time. The ‘artist’ was usually a producer, remixer or DJ who just needed a pseudonym to use for promotional purposes. That was the case with Umboza who were actually house duo Stuart Crichton and Michael Kilkie. Based entirely around the hook from Lionel Richie’s “All Night Long”, it’s basically that sample with a house beat added over the top. That’s it. The paucity of the track and the lack of a proper artist was always a problem for TOTP when it came to a performance on the show which was warranted by its chart position. Here, it’s just four dancers who could be anybody. There aren’t even the anonymous DJ types in the background on a keyboard, there’s just some bloke on a congo drum. There also seem to be some peripheral dancers to the side of the stage one of whom looks suspiciously like a pre-fame Claire from Steps. I can’t work out if these people are part of the act or the studio audience. The only thing that separates this from being a performance by Pan’s People or Legs & Co from the 70s and 80s is when one of the dancers emerges from the throng with a microphone to mumble something or other.

The track is called “Cry India” which is initially confusing given the African sounding Lionel Richie sample its based around. However, those ‘African’ lyrics below were just made up gibberish according to Lionel so they could be as much Indian as African.

Tam bo li de say de moi ya

Hey Jambo Jumbo

Songwriters: Lionel B. Jr. Richie
All Night Long (All Night) lyrics © Chyna Baby Music, Brockman Music, Yfn Lucci Llc, Tig7 Publishing Llc

“Cry India” was a No 19 hit and was followed by “Sunshine” which was based on “Bamboléo” by Gipsy Kings. Bah! Umboza? I’d rather have Umbongo!

Mayo’s Meter: “I’ll be rhyming my links for the rest of the show, there’s Pulp and Iron Maiden raring to go. There’s Mariah and Janet and Vince the composer but new at 19, all dancing Umboza!”

Verdict: He manages to give some teasers for who’s on the show tonight but ‘Vince the composer’?! He means Vince Clarke from Erasure – he does realise they’re a duo doesn’t he? Where’s Andy Bell in that link? And a composer? Songwriter surely is a better description? Very weak – 4/10

The first video of the night is one we’ve already seen before. “Runaway” by Janet Jackson was one of two songs recorded to promote her Best Of album “Design Of A Decade: 1986-1996”. Interestingly, although she’d left her original label A&M in 1991 and signed for Virgin releasing the multi million selling “Janet” with them, she was open to working with her former label to take her first compilation album to market. So reciprocal was the relationship that “Design Of A Decade” included two of the singles from that Virgin album.

“Runaway” though was a new track which had originally been identified as a potential duet with brother Michael but in the end the two decided to unite on “Scream” instead which was the lead single from the “HIStory: Past, Present And Future, Book 1” collection. The promo for the song is pure fantasy nonsense with Janet taking a global trip and appearing next to some of the world’s most recognisable landmarks. At one point, she and her entourage perform a choreographed dance routine on the wing of a plane. Perhaps the most striking image from the whole thing though is Janet’s nose ring and chain which is attached to her braided hair. For all the controversy over Michael’s image throughout his career, even he never went for that particular look.

Mayo’s Meter: “There was an old woman called Janet, went hopping all over the planet. Her brother, she didn’t tell, which was just as well, cos if Michael was in the vid, we’d ban it”.

Verdict: Another nonsensical link. An ‘old woman’? Janet was 29 years old when this single was released! Also, what is this about banning the video if Michael was in it? Sure, the first child abuse accusations had been made against the singer by this point but that hadn’t stopped the BBC from showing his videos. Indeed, Jacko had been No 1 for the last two weeks during which the show played his promo. Make it make sense. Either that or get Mayo to stop. Please! 3/10

Had there ever been a worst opening three acts in the TOTP studio than this?! The Outhere Brothers, Umbozo and now Smokie featuring Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown!

Novelty (s)hit “Living Next Door To Alice (Who The F**k Is Alice?)” is now in the Top 10 proving yet again that you just couldn’t trust the record buying public to make sensible decisions. In this case, they even doubled down on its stupidity by not just buying this version of the bastardised song but also the original* of it by Dutch band Gompie. Twice over! Yes, Gompie initially got there first and had a hit in Europe including the UK with “Alice (Who The X Is Alice?) in June of 1995 peaking at No 34 and then, after the success of the Smokie / Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown version, re-entered the chart reaching No 17. Again, I refer you to Edward Woodward.

*Not the ‘original’ original obviously – I know that was the non-sweary version by Smokie which got to No 5 in 1977.

Mayo’s Meter: “From the dark mists of time an old band called Smokie with Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown who’s a bit of a blokie. Now, they’re singing about this woman called Alice, they’re not going down unlike Crystal Palace”

Verdict: Where do I start?! How about with ‘blokie’. Come on! It’s a terrible rhyme and rather underplays Brown’s offensive act. I’m know it was the era of lads culture but still. Then there’s the ‘going down’ comment. Was that Mayo getting away with something he shouldn’t have by deflecting with a football reference? And what about that reference – was it accurate even? Well, it’s true that Pslace were relegated from the Premier League in 1994/95 but this show was in September when the new season had started. Palace finished third in the First division (now Championship) and were promoted. Try again Mayo – 2/10

At last! Some decent music! After finally securing that elusive massive hit in “Common People” earlier in the year, expectations were now ludicrously high for a Pulp follow up. Jarvis and co didn’t disappoint. Indeed, not only did they meet those expectations but exceeded them with not one but two new songs by releasing a double A-side single. “Mis-Shapes / Sorted For E’s & Wizz” was a brilliant precursor for the band’s iconic “Different Class” album which appeared in the shops at the end of October. Now there was always going to be some outrage about one of those songs given its title but I can see from the BBC4 schedule that Pulp are due back on TOTP in a couple of shows time to perform that track so this week I can just talk about “Mis-Shapes”.

A Cocker-declared anthem for the social outcasts, it was written from very personal experience – Jarvis talked openly about fearing a beating from the ‘townies and beer monsters’ to be found in Sheffield city centre on a Saturday night just because they didn’t like his jacket/trousers/haircut. The lyrics are a call to arms for those demonised as weird and made to feel like a misfit with the title a chocolate themed metaphor. And it works. Lyrics that tell a relatable story combined with a stomping chorus that really gallops along…what’s not to like? Well, Jarvis had some objections and has gone a bit cold on the song subsequently – indeed, it wasn’t included on their 2002 “Hits” collection. I’m sure he wasn’t complaining when the single entered the charts at No 2 though, matching the peak of “Common People”.

Mayo’s Meter: “And now it’s the time we’re going to get to an exclusive, about this band, ooh, we get all effusive. They’re gonna make you swallow, they’re gonna make you gulp, would you welcome please…Pulp”

Verdict: Well, ‘exclusive’ and “effusive’ is a decent rhyme and I guess there aren’t too many words that rhyme with Pulp but it’s Mayo so I can only give him so much credit – 5/10

Two hits on the trot now that we’ve seen before starting with “Fantasy” by Mariah Carey. We may have we seen it before but that doesn’t stop the TOTP producers just giving us the same satellite performance clip that we got first time around. As if that wasn’t enough, they try to kid us that this is still some sort of big deal by emblazoning the caption ‘via satellite’ all over it at the start of the song. Come on! We’re not that daft!

Mayo’s Meter: “I wondered lonely as a cloud, I saw a woman all beautiful and hairy; I said ‘Hang on, I know you, you’re that popular Mariah Carey”

Verdict: This is just awful. Who describes a woman with long hair as hairy?! Worse than that though, he brings Wordsworth into his nonsense! 2/10

And so we arrive at that well known synth pop duo ‘Vince the composer’ and the other guy (i.e. Erasure) who are back in the TOTP studio for a second time to perform their single “Stay With Me”. Taken from their eponymously titled seventh album, this was the point when their commercial fortunes started to tail off. Of those previous six studio albums, the last four had all topped the charts as did their first Best Of, 1992’s “Pop! The First 20 Hits”. “Erasure” (the album) would peak at No 14 with neither of the singles released from it making the Top 10. Maybe Andy and Vince had had enough of churning out the hits and wanted to experiment with their sound a bit. Certainly that’s what the press reviews seemed to make of the album – experimental and contemplative. Apart from the opening intro, all of the tracks were over five and a half minutes in length – the longest clicked in at a towering 10:01! Three minute pop songs? Pah! The album version of “Stay With Me” is nearly seven minutes long but clearly we get the shortened single edit here. Truncated or not, it’s still a decent song.

Mayo’s Meter: “Now a former exclusive as I’m sure that you know, a band who are lauded wherever they go. In Europe, America and of course Asia, err…get your rubbers out and welcome Erasure!”

Verdict: Woeful. Who welcomes anybody with a rubber (yes I get the pun!) unless you are a rubber/eraser salesman attending an industry conference and you are greeted with a welcome pack of them. Maybe. Of course, when I was at school, a ‘rubber’ was short for something else which I’m sure Vince and Andy wouldn’t have wanted to be welcomed by! 3/10

Here’s the band that did the to camera piece at the top of the show. Iron Maiden hadn’t released any new material since 1992’s “Fear Of The Dark” album and in the intervening years had lost their lead singer Bruce Dickinson who left in 1993 to pursue a solo career. After a lengthy audition process, Blaze Bayley was recruited from fellow heavy metallers Wolfsbane – Bayley co-wrote this single “Man On The Edge”. Inspired by the excellent Michael Douglas film Falling Down, it sounds like standard Iron Maiden fare to my admittedly non-fan ears despite the presence of the newbie. Is it just me or does he look a bit like comedian Ross Noble with that long hair and sideburns? Bayley would stay with the band until 1999 at which point Dickinson rejoined.

Mayo’s Meter: “Now this lot haven’t been on since the year ‘81, they’re good heavy rockers, just here to have fun. They’re called Iron Maiden with new man Blaze Bayley, so why not annoy the neighbours and play it twice daily”

Verdict: Is that factually accurate? Iron Maiden hadn’t been on the show since 1981? Of course not (they had a No 1 in 1991 so they must have featured at least once) but I guess Mayo means in the actual TOTP studio rather than a promo video. However, according to the TOTP archive website, Mayo is still wrong as their last such appearance was in 1980 not 1981. 5/10 (points docked for inaccuracy)

It’s a new No 1 and a second UK chart topper of his career for Shaggy. Cards on the table, I’ve never liked anything this guy has done and “Boombastic” wasn’t anything like an exception. I hated all his ‘Mr Lover Lover’ / bump ‘n’ grind bullshit and we’d already seen the use of the made up word ‘Boombastic’ by Dream Warriors in “My Definition Of A Boombastic Jazz Style” years earlier. It all felt so uninspired and shoddy.

The success of Shaggy’s song was no doubt aided by its use in the latest Levi’s advert that was airing at the time. By reaching the pinnacle of the charts he followed in the footsteps of Ben E. King, Steve Miller Band, The Clash and Stiltskin all of who were Levi’s fuelled No 1 singles. The good news is that Shaggy only lasted one week at the top (hurray!); bad news is that he will be replaced by Simply Red (boo!).

Mayo’s Meter: “Now if you like your jeans loose and all baggy, there’s some new ones down the shops. And you know that bloke that promotes them, Shaggy…well guess what? He’s Top of the Pops”.

Verdict: Undeniably awful. Doesn’t scan at all and the rhymes are shoe horned in. Just shite – 1/10

The play out video is another plug for the returning TOTP2 series and is, for me, easily the best thing shown on this programme – Roxy Music with “Dance Away”. I’m not reviewing that though as it’s an outlier with the rest of the show. There is still time for one last chance for Rhymin’ Simon to impress me…

Mayo’s Meter: “Next week exclusives from Def Leppard and TLC and it’s fortunately presented by Steve Lamacq and Jo Whi-ley. Which is very good. Have a nice night, I think you might. Don’t fight, it’s not right.”

Verdict: Oh just f**k off Mayo!

Order of appearanceArtistTitleDid I buy it?
1The Outhere BrothersLa La La Hey HeyAs if
2UmbozaCry IndiaDidn’t happen
3Janet JacksonRunawayNah
4Smokie featuring Roy ‘Chubby’ BrownLiving Next Door To Alice (Who The F**k Is Alice?)Never!
5PulpMis-Shapes / Sorted For E’s & WizzNo but I had their Different Class album
6Mariah CareyFantasyNope
7ErasureStay With MeI did not
8Iron MaidenMan On The EdgeNo
9ShaggyBoombastic I did but only for a friend who liked it so they could use my shop discount. Honest!

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001wkgj/top-of-the-pops-21091995?seriesId=unsliced

TOTP 07 SEP 1995

Posted on by 80stastic

I’m into my eighth year of doing this TOTP blog and sometimes it’s not always easy to find the time or inclination to write up these BBC4 repeats. Occasionally, I get a bit behind (being in bed with flu for six days straight in 2019 didn’t help the cause) but I’ve always just about managed to keep it all ticking over. However, after all this time, I’ve finally come up against a show the running order of which is seriously making me contemplate jacking it all in. Honestly, I look at the artists on this particular episode and it’s so demoralising and demotivating. With one (possibly two) exception(s), the rest of them are totally uninspiring. It’s a low point and that’s for sure.

Thankfully there is a sliver of redemption in the ‘golden mic’ hosts Jo Brand and Mark Lamarr who provide some comedic distraction from the musical garbage. I always liked Brand – she seemed to offer something different at a time where apart from French and Saunders, I don’t recall there being many female comedians having a high profile. Jo’s was in the ascendancy via her Jo Brand Through the Cakehole series on Channel 4. Lamarr was about to (but not quite yet) become a panel show regular via his stints on Shooting Stars and Never Mind The Buzzcocks both of which would air shortly. At the time of this TOTP appearance though, he was best known as the outside roving reporter on The Big Breakfast and as the presenter who took Shabba Ranks to task for his homophobic comments on The Word. Lamarr has said that his time on that programme and also Shooting Stars was no fun whatsoever. If he didn’t like those two shows, God knows what he’ll make of this TOTP!

We get off to a hideous start with the to camera piece at the top of the show coming from ‘comedian’ Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown who for some reason says he’s Sharon Stone before correcting himself. More of him (unfortunately) later though. Next, we’re into the studio with our guest presenters and it’s Jo Brand who gets the first line and in a show of self depreciation refers to herself as “an old trout” whilst Lamarr remains silent, acting bewildered by looking into the studio lights. His fish out of water act will last the whole show.

The first performer tonight is Nightcrawlers featuring John Reid with “Don’t Let The Feeling Go”. This was the third consecutive hit for this lot in 1995 and it would peak at No 13. God knows how though as it is as dull as my beloved Chelsea’s attack. Add to this that its resemblance to its predecessors is almost indistinguishable (to my ears at least) and I can’t make any case to explain its success. It certainly can’t have been down to John Reid who fronted this nonsense. Look at the state of him. He looks like a third rate magician who believes he can mesmerise his audience with a flick of his locks. He’d probably be called Mysterio or something. Just dreadful.

Aside from their tunes all sounding the same, Nightcrawlers also extended their strategy of duplication to their song titles. Look at this lot:

  • Don’t Let The Feeling Go
  • Push The Feeling On
  • Let’s Push It
  • Keep Pushing Our Love
  • Should I Ever (Fall In Love)
  • Never Knew Love

Mate, there’s more words ‘in the English language than just ‘feeling’, ‘push(ing)’ and ‘love’. They’re not rationed – although that will probably be the next target for austerity for this government (ooh, bit of politics there as Ben Elton said back in the day).

Mark Lamarr gets to speak for the first time in the next link and goes with an impression of an annoying punter harassing the DJ at a club to play thejr request. I love the fact that he chooses to ask for experimental industrial music pioneers Throbbing Gristle and avant garde multi instrumentalist and visual artist Captain Beefheart as his picks. When Jo Brand replies in the negative to both, he rounds the gag off perfectly by asking for 70s soft rockers Smokie* and gets a ‘yes’ from his co-host thereby highlighting the bonkers make up of the UK Top 40.

*He’ll be sorry he asked though.

The next artist up is Whigfield who, after three fluffy, pop-dance hits (including the beyond irritating ear worm that was “Saturday Night”), has released a ballad as her next single. No, really! “Close To You” wasn’t even a cover version of The Carpenters classic (that was actually called “(They Long To Be) Close To You” anyway). This was an original song and it’s actually a decent stab at writing a ballad. Drenched with strings and an endearing melody, the problem with it is the vocals. Sannie Charlotte Carlson (Whigfield was the name of the act not the singer) just didn’t have the pipes to deliver it. I mean, she gives it her best shot and she nearly gets there but she’s never quite nails it – those on point notes are as elusive as a squirming Tory politician who just won’t give a straight answer (ooh, another bit of politics!). Whigfield would turn to another ballad for their Christmas single with a woeful and ill judged cover of Wham!’s “Last Christmas” giving them their final UK Top 40 hit.

Mark Lamarr is back to giving us the silent treatment in the next segue so he’s brought a sign to do the talking first him. And what does he want to say? “Where are The Butthole Surfers?”. Excellent! The riotous American noise rockers with the weird album titles like “Rembrandt Pussyhorse” and “Locust Abortion Technician” were hardly TOTP material. Indeed, I’m surprised Lamarr got away with his sign – many media outlets refused to call the band by their full name instead referring to them as ‘The BH Surfers’. After his Throbbing Gristle and Captain Beefheart comments earlier, I make that Mark Lamarr 3 BBC 0.

Now, the one truly bright light in this festival of crud. “I Feel Love” by Donna Summer is not only one of the most recognisable songs in musical history but also perhaps one of the most influential. Sounding ahead of its time when first released in 1977 it retained its freshness and doesn’t seem to have dated even decades later. Widely acknowledged as a pioneer of electronic dance music, its legacy can be heard in the many forms of the genre from house to trance to techno. That claim is evidenced by its own longevity – it has been a hit four times in the UK alone.

The 1995 incarnation was to launch a new sub label of Polygram called Manifeste and was remixed by Rollo and Sister Bliss from Faithless. Polygram had already had some success with the disco Queen’s back catalogue with their “Endless Summers: Donna Summer’s Greatest Hits” compilation from 1994 so it probably seemed like a decent commercial strategy. Berri’s concurrent hit “The Sunshine After The Rain” might have had something to do with it as well with its interpolation of “I Feel Love”. The clip shown on this TOTP isn’t that remix though. As the caption says, this was the ‘original promo VT’ from 1977. So why was that? Wasn’t there a video for the ‘95 remix?

*checks YouTube*

Yes, there was but having watched it, I’m guessing that the BBC censors may have felt it was too erotic. Maybe. The ‘95 remix made No 8 returning her to the UK Top 10 for the first time since her Stock, Aitken and Waterman era of the late 80s. Its success would lead to another Donna classic “State Of Independence” getting the remix and rerelease treatment the following year when it peaked at No 13.

Wait? What?! Michael Bolton again?! He was only on last week and yet he’s back again for a second consecutive studio appearance. Why?! Was it that damned practice of the ‘exclusive’ performance followed by another for it entering the charts? I think so but why was Bollers still in the country? Was he on tour here? Not according to the setlist.fm website. Maybe he was just doing promotional work for the single? Could be but his Greatest Hits album wouldn’t be released for another two weeks. Whatever the reason, “Can I Touch You…There?” benefitted from this appearance by sliding up the charts to a peak of No 6 and, having reviewed this awful song once already, that’s all I have to say about it. Obviously though, Lamarr and Brand weren’t going to let an opportunity to take the piss out of the shaggy haired one pass and got in a line about a “dodgy barnet”.

This is all very curious. Or perhaps it isn’t. The presence in the UK Top 40 of a hit sung completely in a foreign language had always been a rarity. There was “Je T’Aime…Moi Non Plus” by Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg which topped the charts in 1969 despite being banned for its sexual lyrical content. The 80s contributed a few examples of the genre. In 1987, Los Lobos went to the top of our charts with the all Spanish track “La Bamba” from the film of the same name and a year later, singer Desireless took “Voyage Voyage” into the UK Top 5 with another French language only track. In 1989, the lambada craze gave Kaoma a hit song in Portuguese. There were also near but not quite all foreign language hits for Falco with “Rock Me Amadeus” and Manhattan Transfer (“Chanson D’Amour”) but both included a spattering of words in English as well as German and French respectively. There have been others since but the percentage of foreign language records making up our charts historically is tiny.

Then in 1995 came Celine Dion. Fresh from the elongated success of her long running No 1 single “Think Twice” and similarly chart topping parent album “The Colour Of My Love”, surely the wisest career move would have been to keep on churning out the power ballads? Instead, Celine’s next project was the French language album “D’eux” and I return to my original thought of “this was all very curious or was it?” because “D’eux” was actually Celine’s tenth album sung entirely in French. She didn’t record her first English language album until “Unison” in 1990 but she’d been releasing French sung albums since 1981. After all, she was born in Canada to parents of French descent and won the Eurovision Song Contest in 1988 with a song sung in that language representing Switzerland. Despite all the above, the decision to return to singing in French post “Think Twice” didn’t seem an obvious one although “D’eux” was always going to be huge in certain European territories. It sold well enough in the UK though nothing like the numbers that “The Colour Of My Love” did. The lead single from it was “Pour Que Tu M’Aimes Encore” and we get Celine performing it by satellite from New York on this TOTP. The French language strategy was ditched after the “D’eux” project with Dion’s next album “Falling Into You” returning to power ballad territory.

Jo Brand’s comment about Celine being thin in the intro hasn’t aged well given all the eating disorder rumours that Celine has been subject to over the years (all of which she has denied). In Jo’s defence though, she was clearly being self deprecating about her own size.

A video exclusive from Janet Jackson next and like Michael Bolton earlier and indeed her brother Michael later in the show, the track it’s for is to promote a Greatest Hits album. “Runaway” was taken from “Design Of A Decade: 1986 – 1996” which would sell 600,000 copies in the UK alone. I guess after ten years of hits, a compilation album was in order especially as Janet seemed intent on releasing nearly every song from her studio albums as singles. Indeed, “Design Of A Decade” had 18 tracks on it.

Again like her brother, the video for “Runaway” looks like it could be a Jacko promo with huge swathes of imagery and backdrops including some major cities from around the world like Paris, Sydney and for the second time in the show following Celine Dion’s turn earlier, the Manhattan skyline. At times, it looks like Disney’s 2019 live action adaptation of Aladdin with shots of deserts and elephants.

The song itself is a jolly if unsubstantial little number but, in a final similarity to brother Michael, the little bridge into the chorus contains a a vocal inflection that sounds just like “Man In The Mirror”. Well, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery Oscar Wilde once said.

And so we arrive at the nadir of this particular TOTP. Oh God! How did we get here?! Well, it was all the fault of the Dutch apparently, or more specifically a Dutch club DJ who came up with the jolly wheeze of playing 70s band Smokie’s “Living Next Door To Alice”, stopping the record at the chorus and getting the assembled throng to chant “Alice?! Who the f**k is Alice?!”. This craze took off for some unfathomable reason and a single was released to capitalise on it made by an act called Gompie. It was a hit all round Europe and made a brief appearance in our charts at No 34 in May of this year.

Come the Summer and the British holidaymakers abroad became exposed to Gompie’s song and created further demand for it back in Blighty. Meanwhile, Smokie (who had never stopped touring despite the hits drying up once the 80s dawned) got a whiff of the phenomenon and decided to get in on the act by recording their own ‘blue’ version of the song and roped in their mate, the comedian Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown who had made a career for himself off the back of his outspoken and indeed offensive style of humour. “Living Next Door To Alice (Who The F**k Is Alice?)” would become a huge sleeper success spending 13 weeks inside the Top 40 including 7 within the Top 10. It was still on the Top 100 as Christmas approached! Given the fact that the record couldn’t be played on the radio unless it was an edited version with the ‘F’ word bleeped, presumably punters had to buy the damned thing to hear it in its full, intended form. And who wanted to do that?! Why was it funny?! I just didn’t get it. The TOTP performance here is just ludicrous with Brown having to actually say “bleep” instead of the ‘F’ word.

Ah yes, Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown. I have questions which could probably be condensed to just one word (not that one!) -WHY?! My mate Robin asked himself the same question when he ended up rather unwillingly at a Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown gig. Apparently, it was all the fault of his pal Al whose Christmas work outing involved attending the gig and Robin tagged along as he was given a freebie ticket. I’m not sure if he knew what type of comedian Brown was beforehand but after the first gag, he got with it and thought “Oh no, what have I done?”. He lasted 10 minutes out of politeness to Al for getting him the ticket and then walked out. Brown spotted him leaving and started to have a go at him but Robin (who was the worse for wear) and to his eternal credit turned around, told Brown to “f**k off!” and flicked him the rods! Excellent work sir!

After the Smokie / Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown abomination, Jo Brand remarks upon what a strange combination those two acts were. Mark Lamarr however informs us that Jo herself had been part of an unlikely coupling having made a record with Alvin Stardust. What?! Was this a joke or for real? Sadly, it’s the latter as Brand and Stardust teamed up to do a version of Alvin’s 1973 No 2 hit “My Coo Ca Choo”! You’ll be pleased to know that I can’t find a clip of said record online.

Like Janet Jackson earlier, Erasure had also been around for 10 years by 1995 and seemed to be unaffected by the shifting musical trends by continuing to have hits. “Stay With Me” was their 23rd and the lead single from their eponymous seventh studio album. I’ve said before that despite being a fan throughout the 80s, I lost sight of Andy and Vince after about 1992 so I don’t know this one at all. However, it’s a well constructed, plaintive synth ballad (no jumping on the Britpop bandwagon for these two) with a strong melody which suits Andy’s voice perfectly – it’s one of his best vocals I think. It possibly should have got higher in the charts than No 15.

Lamarr sends up the No 1 which is from Michael Jackson by donning a blouse and lipstick as per Jacko’s look in the video for “You Are Not Alone”. I’m not sure that it’s the winning visual gag that they must have thought it was in rehearsal. This was Jackson’s first UK No 1 single since “Black Or White” in 1991 and he would follow it with a second consecutive chart topper in “Earth Song” which was also the Christmas No 1. 1995 eh? What a time to be alive!

Sometime back in 2022 when I was writing up the 1992 TOTP repeats I said something along the lines of “and that’s the last we’ll see of Simply Red for quite some time. Enjoy the break”. That break is now over as the ginger haired one is back. Back in 1995 that is. After the mega success of their last album “Stars” which sold 9 million copies worldwide, it was always going to be a tall order to replicate those numbers. Hucknall and co gave it a decent go though with follow up album “Life” despite it inevitably falling short of its predecessor’s milestone.

The lead single from it was “Fairground” which would give the band their only UK No 1 single. You’ll notice that the play out video used here isn’t the official promo but rather a bunch of clips of Hucknall performing with the track added over the top. I’m assuming that’s because the single would not be released for another eleven days and presumably the video for it was still being edited? Which leads us to the question “why is the track on TOTP so early?”. Well, in order to create a buzz around the single, it was made available to radio stations a month prior to release so by the time it came out, it was already the most played song on the airwaves. Quite an achievement and huge justification of record company marketing strategy. At the end of this TOTP, Hucknall pops up on screen to say that he’ll be performing “Fairground” on next week’s show. Given that the single went to No 1 and stayed there for a month, that’s another five forthcoming appearances on these BBC4 repeats and so I think I’ll leave Mick hanging for now.

Order of appearanceArtistTitleDid I buy it?
1NightcrawlersDon’t Let The Feeling GoNo
2WhigfieldClose Tol YouNegative
3Donna SummerI Feel LoveNot the remix but I must have it on something surely?
4Michael BoltonCan I Touch You…There?Never happening
5Celine DionPour Que Tu M’Aimes EncoreNever
6Janet JacksonRunawayNope
7Smokie / Roy ‘Chubby’ BrownLiving Next Door To Alice (Who The F**k Is Alice?)Did I f**k!
8ErasureStay With MeNo
9Michael Jackson You Are Not AloneAs if
10Simply RedFairgroundI did not!

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001wc34/top-of-the-pops-07091995