With a couple of exceptions, the running order for this show looks uninspiring at best. Bloody awful would be another way of putting it. There’s no relief to be found in the presenter either as it’s Jamie Theakston. Again. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to get on with it.

We kick off with…ooh…a bit of a milestone actually. This is the final hit (and therefore last TOTP appearance also) for M People. Eight years and nineteen singles on from their chart debut, it was the end of the road for Mike Pickering and his band of merry men (and woman). They exited in a considered and appropriate manner with a Best Of album and tour and a decent sized hit in “Dreaming”. Except it wasn’t really the end – the end of their run of chart hits certainly but the end of the band? Not quite. They went on hiatus as the new millennium dawned rather than split. However, it seemed to go on longer than expected due to Heather Small’s successful solo career. Then, in 2005 with a new Best Of collection out, they convened once more to do a small tour in support of it. More live dates followed in 2007 before another long break meant they weren’t seen again until 2012/13 when they toured to commemorate 20 years since the release of their Mercury Prize winning album “Elegant Slumming” though Pickering did not take part.

Back in 1999 though, here they were with yet another mid-paced, soul/pop tune that was pleasant but hardly captivating. In fact, whisper it, but I think their formula and sound was starting to get a little bit dull and repetitive by this point. Dare I say, they were all starting to sound the same? Maybe the band felt the same way as well and that was a factor in their decision to step back at that point. Anyway, thanks for everything Mike, Heather, Shovell and…erm…the other one.

What was it with the 90s and hits based on pieces of classical music? Look at this lot:

• The Farm – “All Together Now” – Pachelbel’s Canon
• Coolio – “C U When U Get There” – Pachelbel’s Canon
• Sweetbox – “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” – Bach’s “Air On The G String”
• Take That – “Never Forget” –
  Verdi’s “Tuba mirum” from the Requiem Mass
• Puff Daddy – “I’ll Be Missing You” -Barber’s “Agnus Dei”

And that’s by no means an exhaustive list! Another one that could be added to it came courtesy of someone called A+. This guy is an American rapper (real name Andre Levins) and he was only 16 years old when this TOTP aired! He must be the oldest looking 16 year old ever! What does he look like now that he’s 44?! Talk about a tough paper round! Anyway, back in 1999, he brought us “Enjoy Yourself” which samples the 1976 Walter Murphy song “A Fifth Of Beethoven” which itself was adapted from the first movement of Beethoven’s Symphony No 5. Theakston seems unaware of the Walter Murphy track despite its presence on one of the best-selling soundtrack albums of all time with sales figures of over 40 million copies – Saturday Night Fever. Yes, although not a Bee Gees song, it was yet another example of source material taken from that film which had supplied so many hits around this period. Interestingly, “A Fifth Of Beethoven” wasn’t the only classical based track on the soundtrack – there was also “Night on Disco Mountain” which was essentially a disco reworking of Mussorgsky’s “Night On Bald Mountain”.

Anyway, enough about its classical origins, was “Enjoy Yourself” any good? Erm…well, it wasn’t terrible and it made good use of those dramatic strings with its coda especially enhanced by the final flourish. Having said all of that, I was never going to buy it. A+ stepped away from the music industry after just two albums in as many years at the end of the 90s citing family reasons and a desire to concentrate on raising his son. He has yet to return to the rap universe.

After a hit based on retro track called “A Fifth Of Beethoven” based on Beethoven’s Symphony No 5 comes another numerical leaning number – “Six” by Mansun from their “Eleven EP”. All these numbers were too much for the mathematically challenged Theakston who says in his intro that they’re driving him mad. Himbo. Anyway, I really liked Mansun’s debut album “Attack Of The Grey Lantern” but I very quickly lost sight of them after that. Why? I think it was that follow up album (also called “Six”) saw the band try out a more experimental sound with a collective commitment to coming up with a new guitar sound for every new riff. Lead singer Paul Draper would later describe the album as “commercial suicide”. Yeah, that’ll be why I lost interest. And yet, the track “Six” sounds like it could have been on “Attack Of The Grey Lantern”. There a reason for this – it was a left over from the sessions from that debut album when it was known as “More”. It’s a good track – atmospheric, slowly building but resoundingly engaging, mysterious but melodic. Maybe they should have led with that as the lead single from the album? Mansun would continue into the 2000s with the No 12 album “Little Kix” and a Top 10 hit “I Can Only Disappoint U” but by 2004’s “Kleptomania” and its chart peak of No 135 (!) the end of Mansun was nigh. Numerous retrospective releases have shown that the band are bothered about their legacy which was also the name of their 2006 Best Of album.

After one of the two exceptions I referred to in my opening to this post, were bank to the crud with..,who? Mirrorball? I’ve nothing down for this at all. Their track- “Given Up” – is based around the 1978 hit “Givin’ Up, Givin’ In” by The Three Degrees but that shouldn’t distract us from the real story to this one which is what the hell is going on in this performance?! Clearly the TOTP production team didn’t know what to do with it as it’s a very repetitive, beat driven dance track which might have been celebrated in a club setting but which doesn’t lend itself to a three minute performance on the BBC’s premier pop music show. The answer? Distract the viewer with some visual effects and some rather creepy stage setting. All the juddery, time lapse camera shots did for me was make me think that there was something wrong with my WiFi connection and that it was buffering although I accept that couldn’t have been any kind of issue when the show was originally broadcast in 1999. It still looks crap though. Then there’s the two blokes sat on a sofa to the side ogling the three performers on stage. It gives off a lap dance club vibe (I’m imagining!) especially when said performers start removing their top garments. The lead singer even goes and sits with them at the end of the song. It’s all very unsettling. Let’s move on…

Really? Another here today gone tomorrow dance track from some anonymous producer, fronted by a female singer under an artist name that meant nothing?! After Mirrorball, here’s Soulsearcher with a hit called “Can’t Get Enough”. Ok, it did spend four weeks inside the Top 40 (albeit descending the charts every time) so not quite the here today gone tomorrow hit I suggested but you get my drift. And yes, the vocalist here was Thea Austin who was the voice on and co-writer of Snap!’s “Rhythm Is A Dancer” so not completely anonymous either but let’s be fair, how many people remember this without any prompting? Not many I’m willing to wager as it’s a fairly underwhelming track which, also just like Mirrorball, has sampled a 70s dance tune, in this case the 1979 disco hit “Let’s Lovedance Tonight” by Gary’s Gang (which were nothing to do with Gary Glitter I should immediately point out). Why were the charts full of this sort of stuff around this time? Was it just bandwagon jumping? Was it the penetration of club culture into the mainstream? If this show is typical of how these 1999 TOTP repeats are going to play out, this might be the worst year of the whole decade.

My mood is not improving with the next hit which is “Boy You Knock Me Out” by Tatyana Ali. This was the sitcom star turned singer who was benefitting from an endorsement by Will Smith whom she starred with as Ashley Banks in The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air. Indeed, Smith provides a video intro here for her performance and yes, almost inevitably, he turns up halfway through the track with a rap that he again delivers via video. It always just struck me as just too comfy and easy a relationship as if all Ali had to do was ask Smith and he would grant her the pop star career she wished for – essentially he was acting out his role as the genie in Aladdin 20 years before the film was released. As for the track itself, it was yet another song that used a sample and an interpolation in its structure (Kool And The Gang and Bobby Caldwell respectively) – wasn’t anyone writing original material back then?

Just like A+ earlier, Ali failed to progress beyond the 90s as a solo female singer releasing just one album under her own name though she has occasionally made available the odd recording down the years. She is currently a children’s author and is also involved in mentoring and advocacy working with various organisations focused on maternal, reproductive, and public health.

It’s the second of those exceptions to the dreary running order now and what a surprise it was! Eighteen years and two months since their last UK No 1, Blondie were back at the top of the charts! This was the then third longest gap between No 1s in chart history but those top two were achieved with rereleases of old hits by The Hollies and The Righteous Brothers not a brand new song. This was quite the achievement. Indeed, apart from a few remixes from their back catalogue, this was Blondie’s first visit to the UK Top 40 since their minor hit “Warchild” in 1982 which made No 39. In their pomp between 1978 and 1980 though, they’d had five No 1s over here – they were a phenomenon. Drug use issues, a resentment of power couple Debbie Harry/ Chris Stein by the other band members and a tail off in commercial fortunes had caused the group to split. In the intervening years, Harry had cared for Stein who had been diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease of the skin and pursued a fitful solo career that seemed to have more troughs than peaks. Come 1997, with Stein’s health more stable, he and Harry sought to put the band together with original members Clem Burke, Jimmy Destri and Gary Valentine (Nigel Harrison and Frank Infante from the classic line up did not ultimately feature in the reunion). This was no nostalgia trip though – the plan was to record an album of new material which they did in “No Exit” which was trailed by the single “Maria”.

This was a good, solid, proper rock/pop record with a retro feel that stood head and shoulders above the rest of the chart pap. I mean, it wasn’t a “Heart Of Glass” or an “Atomic” but it was pretty good. Written by Destri recalling his Catholic school days, it was straightforward and uncomplicated but catchy as hell with hooks a plenty like that descending chime sequence and bouncing bass riffs. The album sold well enough going to No 3 over here and achieving gold sales status though subsequent singles released from it failed to have anywhere near the success of “Maria”, one of the most unexpected chart comebacks of the decade let alone 1999.

Despite having played this week’s No 1, the show isn’t over as TOTP was dragged into promoting this year’s selection process for the UK’s Eurovision Song Contest entry. Having already narrowed the hopefuls down from eight to four via a semi final stage played out on the Radio 2 shows Wake Up To Wogan and The Ken Bruce Show, it was the job of TOTP to feature one of the four finalists every week for a month leading up to the televised final of The Great British Song Contest on the 7th of March with the viewing public voting for its favourite. In a very tight competition with only just over 1000 votes separating the Top 3 acts, Precious were crowned the winners with their song “Say It Again”. Yes, the first act to be showcased on TOTP would be our entry which means we’ll have three further BBC repeats featuring artists who were doomed to fail and be consigned to the rubbish bin of pop history. This could be excruciating. As for Precious, the five piece all girl band had a pre-Atomic Kitten Jenny Frost in their ranks and a song that was pleasant but predictable sounding like anything Eternal, Honeyz or Solid HarmoniE might have released. How did they get on at Eurovision? Ah well, we’ll get to that in time.

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.