TOTP 06 DEC 1990

We’ve finally hit December 1990 here at TOTP Rewind and that can only mean one thing, the Xmas rush is on and I don’t just mean that scramble to find presents for family and friends – there is also the race for the Xmas No 1 to consider. This was definitely still a thing back then before it was hijacked and devalued by X Factor winners and latterly some bloke going on about sausage rolls every Yuletide. As such, the Top 40 is awash with new songs frantically looking for those all important sales that could make them a festive chart topper. As host Mark Goodier says at the top of the show “Tonight we may well see the song which is the Xmas No 1 so stay tuned”. Eyes down then (or should that be prick up your ears) as we find out who’s in the running…

…well surely not this lot?! Twenty 4 Seven featuring Captain Hollywood had been Top 10 in our charts with their single “I Can’t Stand It” just a couple of months prior to this but their chances of being the Xmas No 1 with a song that was just some more Eurodance pap were slim to non existent. The performance of their single “Are You Dreaming” here is….excruciating frankly.

The three lads in the group bounce on stage and start jive talking about dreams of cars, money and girls until one of them adopts the moral high ground when he interjects with “Yo wait a minute man, you better think about the world”. WTF?! What’s that supposed to mean? The world is a pretty big subject really don’t you think? Care to narrow it down a bit? Are we talking the environment here? Or politics? World peace maybe? What?! The whole thing reminds me of this image on Twitter that went viral a few years ago…

The rest of the song seems to be a jumble of influences and steals. The ‘oaah oh oh oh’ chant in the chorus is very similar to “Montego Bay” by Bobby Bloom (and later covered by Amazulu) whilst the lyrics seem to have stolen from Kajagoogoo (‘Eye to eye from you to me …eye to eye from me to you”) and there is a zeitgeist moment when an obligatory Vanilla Ice theme emerges (“(yeah) dreams can be very nice (yeah) Sometimes hot sometimes ice cold (yeah)”). Just pants. Get off! 

“Are You Dreaming” peaked at No 17  – miles away from the Xmas No 1 title. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c212wkz9ixk

Now this next song had a better chance of…ahem…pulling off a Xmas No 1 as it were (Fnarr! Fnarr!) although it would have been a controversial one. In its favour, it was by a genuine pop music heavyweight, a superstar of the genre in Madonna. Against its chances were its sexually provocative sound and lyrics. “Justify My Love” was one of two new songs released from Madge’s first ever Greatest Hits album “The Immaculate Collection” (the other was “Rescue Me” which I mentioned in the post for the previous  week’s TOTP). Written with Lenny Kravitz and Ingrid Chavez, the lyrics didn’t hold back and Madonna’s almost total delivery of them as a spoken word whisper created an almost threatening vibe to the song:

I want to run naked in a rainstorm
Make love in a train cross-country
You put this in me
So now what, so now what?

I don’t want to be your mother
I don’t want to be your sister either
I just want to be your lover
I want to be your baby
Kiss me, that’s right, kiss me

OK, OK steady on. We haven’t even got to the video yet! Ah yes, that video. Clearly the promo film that TOTP uses was not the official video for the single which was deemed far to explicit for pre-watershed broadcast so instead we got a compilation of scenes from her previous hits. To be fair, there did seem to be some attempt to co-ordinate the scenes chosen with the music (Madonna cavorting about in the waves from “Cherish” for example) but it was nothing compared to the banned video. Shot entirely in black and white, it had a European, art house feel to it and included imagery of sadomasochism, voyeurism and bisexuality alongside some actual (albeit brief) nudity, all designed to push back the barriers of what a pop promo could /should be. All very deliberate and yet designed to be defensible as well as controversial  – Madonna would argue that all the women characters in her videos are sexually in control. 

The film would be released as a stand alone video single (imagine that all you kids brought up on YouTube with instant access to anything ever recorded) and would sell over one million copies world wide. I certainly recall the Our Price I was working in stocking it and it being quite a big deal as it had an 18 certificate.

In a 1991 interview with Q magazine, Lenny Kravitz had this to say about “Justify My Love” and working with Madonna:

“I think it’s a classic of its type, like an old Donna Summer song. And I like Madonna a lot. She’s the best; the queen of what she does. She’s very articulate, elegant, and she has taste up the ass. It’s unbelievable.”

‘Taste up the ass’?! Oh give it a rest Lenny! 

“Justify My Love” would peak at No 2 – close but no cigar Madge. 

Oh this is just a great song and one that will always remind me of this time of my life. The Farm were already bona fide chart stars by this time courtesy of their previous Top 10 single “Groovy Train” but “All Together Now” completely sealed the deal. But this was more than just a chart hit, more than just a catchy pop song. Written about the unofficial truce in 1914 during WWI when British and German troops came out of the trenches to play football with each other for Christmas, it also combines a piece of classical music in its structure via its use of ‘Pachelbel’s Canon’ by the German Baroque composer Johann Pachelbel. Once I realised this, Pachelbel would be my go to classical artist for those specialist music mornings that Our Price insisted upon during the week when I was first working there.

Going back to the lyrical subject matter, we were all now familiar with the truce story thanks to Paul McCartney’s “Pipes Of Peace” single but The Farm had actually beaten him to it in terms of writing a song about it when they recorded a very different version of the song (called “No Man’s Land”) for a Peel session back in 1983.

Fast forward 7 years and with Suggs of Madness as their producer, they returned to that Peel session track and turned it into “All Together Now”. It even had the brilliant fellow scouser Pete Wylie on backing vocals. What’s not to like?! 

The song is very closely associated with football having been co-opted by many a team (including Everton FC) and to promote both the Euro 2004 and 2006 World Cup tournaments. Beyond that though, it has soundtracked charity work like Operation Shoebox which sends gifts in shoeboxes to soldiers serving in Afghanistan. When lead singer Peter Hooton returned to his former school in Bootle, Merseyside in later life, the children there sang his song and read out WWI poetry. Like I said, more than just a pop song. 

At one point, it looked like “All Together Now” with its unity and anti-war themes might have a genuine tilt at being the Xmas No 1 but would eventually run out of steam peaking at No 4. Perhaps the ultimate Xmas No 1 that never was? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6q7RekP-mI

One of the biggest break out stars of the year next. Did MC Hammer have a serious shot at the Xmas No 1 spot? “Pray” was the third single to be lifted from his “Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em” album and after pinching from Rick James for “U Can’t Touch This” and the Chi-Lites for “Have You Seen Her”, this time Hammer picks the pocket of Prince for a prominent sample of “When Doves Cry”. I say pickpockets but Prince did actually authorise the use of the sample, the first in fact of just a handful that he would allow. 

This was very much in the mould of “U Can’t Touch This” but I found it all a bit dull and repetitive. Repetitive? Yes, check out this piece of trivia I found on Wikipedia:

The word ‘pray’ is mentioned 147 times during the song, setting the record for the number of times a song title is repeated in an American Top 40 hit.

I wasn’t alone in my thinking. Reviewed in Smash Hits by no less a musical authority than Timmy Mallett, the annoying little git described it as ‘awful’ and a ‘messy noise’. Of course he couldn’t resist the open goal that was MC Hammer’s name:

“I think he’s got a great name though. MC Mallett would be even better than MC Hammer but I’m MC Mallett”. 

Timmy Mallett there, the dickhead’s dickhead. 

“Pray” was never a serious Xmas No 1 contender peaking just inside the Top 10 at No 8 although it was a No 2 record in the US. 

And just like that the game was up. After correctly predicting that The Farm would have a Top 5 hit with “All Together Now” earlier, Mark Goodier amazingly managed to be right twice in the space of a few minutes as *spoiler alert* we do get to hear the Xmas No 1 for 1990 on this very show. Of course, it had to be Cliff Richard didn’t it? This was peak Cliff wins Xmas time. After securing the festive chart topper just two years before with “Mistletoe And Wine”, here he was again with another mawkish, horrible effort in “Saviour’s Day”. In some ways it was a hat trick of Xmas No 1s as he’s appeared on the Band Aid II record in 1989. If pressed, I would have to say it was marginally less annoying than “Mistletoe And Wine” but again, it would be a case of splitting arse hairs. 

He’s, of course, backed a by a choir of extras including that bloke from Modern Romance (again) and can’t resist doing that weird arm waving thing he always does. The gaelic whistle bit (which sounds like an attempt to mimic Simple Minds take on Irish folk song “She Moved Through the Fair” when they released “Belfast Child”) prompts Cliff to stand next to the whistle player and attempt to ‘play’ his microphone in the same way. Oh God, my eyes hurt. Also, what is he wearing? That silver jacket makes him resemble that Honey G woman who tried to convince us (and herself) that she was a rapper on X Factor a few years ago. This is just all kinds of wrong. 

In the run up to the Xmas chart, a TV news crew (Granada?) visited our shop to talk to the people on the front line selling the records about who we thought would be the Xmas No 1. They interviewed the singles buyer who was Andy (another Our Price legend) who loved all the attention. He once just about pushed me out of the way to get to serve actress Barbara Knox who played Rita Fairclough in Coronation Street so he wasn’t going to miss out on this opportunity! Andy correctly predicted that Cliff would be the Xmas No 1 on account of the sales he would generate from appearing on The Des O’Connor Show. I so wish I could find the interview on line but despite extensive searching, I have turned up a blank. 

TOTP were still sticking with the Top 5 albums feature that they had started in the Summer and so here are the best selling albums for November 1990:

  1. Elton John – “The Very Best Of Elton John”

2. Phil Collins – “Serious Hits …Live!”

3. The Beautiful South – “Choke”

4. Paul Simon  – “The Rhythm Of The Saints”

5. Madonna – “The Immaculate Collection” 

A couple of things to note here. Madonna’s “The Immaculate Collection” was already starting to show its huge sales potential and sure enough, it would end up being the best selling album of the whole year in the UK despite having only been released on Nov 9th.

Secondly, can anyone make sense of Mark Goodier’s comment here?

“No 1 artist album in November, Elton John The Very Best Of Elton John …a sort of greatest hits collection” 

Yes, thanks Mark. An album called ‘The Very Best Of…’ really didn’t require the qualifying statement ‘a sort of greatest hits collection’!!

RIght, where are we up to with the Snap! single release schedule of 1990? One of the most dominant charts acts of the year were onto their fourth hit with the release of “Mary Had A Little Boy”. This was the last single to be lifted from their “World Power” album and was based around the ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ nursery rhyme but now I’m wondering if this track was specifically chosen as Xmas approached with one eye on a “Mary’s Boy Child” Boney M vibe. Maybe not. 

This didn’t do anything for me and after a Megamix single early the next year had been and gone, I would have bet money that would have been the last we would have seen of Snap! but I hadn’t reckoned on rhythm being a dancer two years later. 

Much like MC Hammer earlier, their run of Top 10 singles was maintained when “Mary Had A Little Boy” made it to No 8 but it was never going to seriously trouble Cliff. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9e43sm1xMA

Right, if it’s 1990 then there must be a New Kids On The Block record in the charts and indeed there is. “This One’s For The Children” was their eighth (!) Top 10 hit of the year and was clearly aimed at the Xmas market being a track from their “Merry, Merry Christmas” album and all. It is also possibly the most saccharine, schmaltzy dollop of shite it has ever been my misfortune to hear. It’s as if “We Are The World”(hardly a lyrical masterpiece itself) had been re-written by a six year old. Look at these lyrics:

There are some people living in this world
They have no food to eat, they have no place to go

or these…

Many people are happy and many people are sad
Some people have many things that others can only wish they had

For the love of God! Actually, God does get a name check later:

This one’s for the children
May God keep them in His throne

Just unbearable. 

They must have thought they had a genuine chance of being the Xmas No 1 with this but even Cliff would have baulked at this sentimental crap. “This One’s For The Children” peaked at No 9 and would see out not just 1990 but also T’KNOB’s imperial phase. They would never be as popular again. Phew!

After Goodier does a spoonerism in his Top 10 countdown when he says “Kinky Boots” is up 5 at No 9 (it’s the other way round Mark, up 9 at No 5), we get to Vanilla Ice who is not only still at No 1 but also “rapping totally live” in the studio! Would this have been a big deal back in the day? I think it might have been you know. Ice does a good job of performing “Ice Ice Baby” as well alongside his trio of backing dancers plus a DJ. Pretty nifty moves and rhymes. Right, I can’t be seen to be endorsing Vanilla Ice so to even it up, here is his atrocious rhyming message for all the readers of Smash Hits back then :

“Yo, this is Vanilla Ice, Just chillin’ like Bob Dylan, And maxin’ like Michael Jackson on Smash Hits Baby!”

Oof! 

Still, Vanilla Ice looked a good bet for staying at No 1 until Xmas and he would prove to be Cliff’s stiffest competition. The race for that coveted spot would go right to the wire. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptTkBtpUfbw

The play out video is “24 Hours” by Betty Boo and is surely the least remembered of her trio of hit singles in 1990. Nowhere near as good as either “Doin’ The Do” or “Where Are You Baby” it would stall at No 25. Betty’s profile didn’t take an immediate nose dive though as she was voted that year’s best British Breakthrough Act at the 1991 BRIT Awards. However, a lip-synching scandal whilst on tour in Australia combined with caring for her mother when she was diagnosed with cancer meant a pause would have to be inserted into her pop career, a pause from which she would never really recover as a recording artist. 

For posterity’s sake, I include the chart run down below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtinnFnd_Kk

Order of appearance

Artist

Song

Did I Buy it?

1

Twenty Four Seven featuring Captain Hollywood

Are You Dreaming

Not dreaming, having a nightmare more like – no

2

Madonna

Justify My Love

No but I have that Immaculate Collection CD it’s included on

3

The Farm

All Together Now

I was sure I had but the singles box says no

4

MC Hammer

Pray

Nah

5

Cliff Richard

Saviour’s Day

Hell no!

6

Snap!

Mary Had A Little Boy

Nope

7

New Kids On The Block

This One’s For The Children

See 5 above

8

Vanilla Ice

Ice Ice baby

No No baby

9

Betty Boo

24 Hours

No

Disclaimer

OK – here’s the thing – the TOTP episodes are only available on iPlayer for a limited amount of time so the link to the programme below only works for about another month so you’ll have to work fast if you want to catch the whole show.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000ty1q/top-of-the-pops-06121990

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

Some bedtime reading?

 

IMG_20171129_0001

TOTP 04 OCT 1990

We’re really out of sync with these BBC4 TOTP repeats. In the real world in 2021 we are entering Spring whilst in TOTP Rewind land we are are well into the Autumn of 1990. Like a busted clock, even allowing for the two repeats a week schedule, there’s usually a couple of times in a calendar year when TOTP of yesteryear and real time are in harmony but the delay between the end of the 1989 shows and the beginning of the 1990 broadcasts has thrown everything out. Oh well – in a world of lockdown, time seems to have shifted from its axis anyway and no longer seems to function as it once did. The days are so much longer and the lack of anything to do means they all blur into each other anyway. When I was working in record shops in the 90s, I’m sure Mr Our Price used to mess with the space-time continuum so slowly did some of the afternoons pass.

The first act on this week’s TOTP ought to know something about the workings of time given their name – Twenty 4 Seven featuring Captain Hollywood. OK, the Captain Hollywood bit doesn’t add anything to the theme but you can see where I was going. This lot seemed to be a prototype 2 Unlimited with their template of a male rapper and female singer (plus both acts were Dutch) and yet, unlike the latter who terrorised the charts for a good few years in the early to mid 90s, they never seemed able to capitalise on the success of “I Can’t Stand It” in the UK. There was a follow up single that made the Top 20 but after that, time stood still for them.

In the rest of Europe however, it was a completely different story where they remained popular and successful despite the departure of the Captain himself in 1991. By the way, Hollywood’s real name is Tony Dawson-Harrison and after leaving the band, he went a bit off the rails…

Talking of time as we were…it’s HAMMER TIME! Yes, MC Hammer is back and for the second time this year, there is a cover of a song originally recorded by the Chi-Lites in the UK Top 40. Back in July, Paul Young released his version of their “Oh Girl” track and now MC Hammer has followed suit by covering “Have You Seen Her”. As a follow up to “U Can’t Touch This”, it was quite a departure bpm wise. With it being a Hammer production though, he changes the lyrics significantly with pretty much the only one kept the same being the ‘Have you seen her, tell me have you seen her’ chorus. I’m not sure that all of the rewritten words have aged that well. Check these out:

Hammer, you know I’m looking
Calling all my friends all around the place
Guy, Levert, or my homey Rob Base

If you’ve peeped her out, tell me
Yo, veo on the phone
Ted, Dre, or Ed Lover
Fab Five, homeys won’t you help a young brother

Peeped her out?! Plus he refers to himself in the third person at least twice – a clear sing that success had gone to his head by this point. Apparently Hammer would inflict fines for breaches of discipline by any of his touring party for such crimes as making mistakes on stage! Lost. In. Showbiz. “Have You Seen Her” didn’t quite match the heights of “U Can’t Touch This” but was a solid follow up, peaking inside the Top 10 at No 8. The third single released from the album, “Pray”, would further consolidate his success by duplicating that chart position. We’re not done with Hammer time just yet!

One of the most consistently, commercially successful bands of the 80s next who, despite by their own acknowledgement had realised by this point that their imperial phase was over, nevertheless continued to produce work of substance into the new decade. “So Hard” was the lead single from the first Pet Shop Boys album in nigh on two years. When it was released later in the month, “Behaviour” would go to No 2 but would sell substantially less copies than their “Actually” and “Introspective” albums. However, despite my persistent blogging about a TV show format that insisted the opposite and made a competition out of music, creativity cannot be measured by units shifted and chart positions alone. “Behaviour” is now very much seen as a maturing of their writing and routinely named as one of their finest works by their fan base. A melancholy classic dealing with the weighty subjects of friendship, loss and, in the case of the track “Being Boring”, speaking to and for the LGBT community of the heartbreak and tragedy of AIDS.

Coming back to “So Hard”, apparently it was the first track finished for “Behaviour” but Chris Lowe has subsequently acknowledged that it could and possibly should have been left off the album so incongruous was it to the rest of the songs it contained. Even if you only know the singles taken from the album like the aforementioned “Being Boring” and “Jealousy”, it’s easy to see what Chris was getting at. Not that it isn’t a good song, I think it stands up well and I initially preferred it to the subsequent single releases but over time I have come to appreciate more the power of the song writing on those other tracks.

I once got into a Twitter row with the Absolute 80s radio station about “So Hard”. How so? Well, it was all to do with the subject of time again, or more specifically the delineation of it. What am I going on about? Well, it’s simple really. Absolute 80s played “So Hard”, a song released 10 months into the 90s. It offended my sense of musical eras. Here’s the spat in full:

Yes, I am a complete pedant. “So Hard” peaked at No 4 in the UK Top 40.

Oh come on! Who in the whole wide world needed a Technotronic “Megamix”?! This was weapons grade shithousery by the act’s record label as they basically had their first four singles (that had already been hits) mixed together and shoved that out into the market to get people to buy them all over again. Thankfully, this act of gross manipulation turned out to be the tipping point and record buyers rejected their poisonous product after this. They would achieve just one more Top 20 hit in the UK. In early 1991, fellow Eurodance snake oil salesmen Snap! would pull the exact same shit when they released a single called “Mega Mix” which was a remix of their first four singles and just like Technotronic’s effort, it also went Top 10. Would we ever learn?

The TOTP producers are still persisting with this best selling albums of the previous month nonsense. For the record, the best selling albums of Sep 1990 were:

1. Three Tenors – In Concert

2. George Michael – “Listen Without Prejudice Vol 1”

3. Elton John – “Sleeping With The Past”

4. Michael Bolton – “Soul Provider”

5. Deacon Blue – “Ooh Las Vegas”

A couple of noteworthy things here. Firstly, the weird, DIY looking clip to reflect the George Michael album. What the Hell was that?! Well, George had refused to shoot a video for the album’s lead single “Praying For Time” due to tensions with his record company Sony and seeing as there wasn’t yet another single taken from it, seemingly somebody (Sony? TOTP?) put together some stills against a back drop of the “Waiting For That Day” track. It looks odd to say the least.

Secondly, that Deacon Blue album was a compilation of B-sides and unreleased tracks so the fact that it was such a big seller says much for their popularity at that time. I’ve got “Ooh Las Vegas” and there are some great songs on there and no I don’t care what you think of that statement.

Back in the studio we find MC Tunes and 808 State with “Tunes Splits The Atom”. This was the second consecutive hit for Tunes after “The Only Rhyme That Bites” earlier in the year and while it’s crammed with his rap lyrics like its predecessor, it has a more mellow vibe to it. This was the last single to be officially credited to ‘MC Tunes versus 808 State’ – “Primary Rhyming”, the next single lifted from his debut album “The North At Its Heights”, had that wording removed from its cover credits. That act seemed to break the spell as it peaked at No 67 and MC Tunes never graced the charts again. There was no chain reaction of subsequent hits after this one (ho ho).

He made the most of his time in the spotlight though including being the guest singles reviewer for Smash Hits around this time. He chose “So Hard” by Pet Shop Boys as his single of the fortnight but he hated MC Hammer’s “Have You Seen Her” describing it thus:

This is the sort of tune that gets played in nightclubs called ‘Mr Smiths’ wear people go wearing their nice suits, drink brown ale and chat up women. Crap.”

Quite. Smash Hits subsequently ran a competition to win the very copy of the MC Hammer single that MC Tunes damaged! “Tunes Splits The Atom” peaked at No 18.

Some Breakers now…what? Four of them?! Oh great. Lots more typing to do yet then. We start with the Adventures of Stevie V who I had no idea managed two chart hits! “Body Language” was that second hit but was nowhere near as successful as his No 2 hit “Dirty Cash” peaking at No 29. The reason why? It was a load of old cobblers! Give me The Adventures of Tin Tin over Stevie V anytime. Hell, I’d even settle for some Thompson Twins (see what I did there?).

The unusual event next of a Breaker tune becoming a No 1 record. Despite the TOTP hosts usual claims that this section featured the most ‘happening’ records on the charts, they rarely were and the whole premise of the feature was presumably just a ploy to be able to cram in a load more tunes on the show. “A Little Time” by The Beautiful South was a welcome exception. Whilst not my favourite song of theirs by quite some distance, compared to the likes of The Adventures Of Stevie V, it was chart nectar. Entering the charts at a lowly No 30, it progressed steadily to the Top 10 the following week, then the Top 5 and finally No 1 for a solitary week.

Yet another bittersweet tune from the pens of Paul Heaton and David Rotheray, the use of a male and female vocalist in Dave Hemmingway and Briana Corrigan helped to emphasise the opposing sides of the lyrics with the sting in the tale that while ‘Dave’ had been off enjoying himself before committing himself to the relationship, by the time he had decided, ‘Briana’ had pulled the plug on it and wanted nothing to do with him. The memorable video full of flour, feathers, kitchen knives and a decapitated teddy bear with its head on a spike won the 1991 Brit Awards for British Video of the Year.

“Red Hot + Blue” was a compilation album from the Red Hot Organization, a not-for-profit international body dedicated to fighting AIDS through pop culture and featured interpretations of Cole Porter songs by contemporary pop artists. It was a fairly eclectic roster of artists who contributed from Tom Waits to U2 and from Salif Keita to k.d. lang. It sold over a million copies worldwide and there was an accompanying TV special featuring specially created videos for the songs, alongside clips highlighting the effects of AIDS.

I remember the album used to get a regular airing in the Our Price store I was working in by the end of the year and my favourite track from it was David Byrne’s treatment of “Don’t Fence Me In” closely followed by Debbie Harry and Iggy Pop’s cover of “Well, Did You Evah!”. However, the official single released from the album was Neneh Cherry ‘s take on “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” which, whilst very important in terms of helping to promote AIDS awareness, I didn’t like that much at all musically. Looking back ,and given the subject matter of “Being Boring”, I’m surprised that Pet Shop Boys weren’t contributors to the project whereas the aforementioned Thompson Twins were. Not that I know anything about how such projects are put together of course. “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” peaked at No 25.

As with the first of this week’s Breakers The Adventures of Stevie V, I had no idea this lot had a second hit but they did. “Heaven” was the re-released follow up to The Chimes‘ cover version of U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”. It was a No 1 song on the US Billboard Hot Dance Club Play chart but struggled to a high of No 24 in the UK Top 40. Listening to it now, I can appreciate Pauline Henry’s vocal prowess but the song doesn’t do anything much for me at all I’m afraid.

Who on earth was Bobby Vinton and what was he doing in the charts? Well, you only had to hear “Blue Velvet” once to realise that he was a singing star from back in the day but apart from that I knew very little. Oh hang on, was he the guy that sang “Dream Lover” and “Mack The Knife”? No, that was Bobby Darin. Oh. Well, Wikipedia tells me that Vinton was a US singer-songwriter who, get this, released 38 studio albums, 67 compilation albums and 88 singles over the course of the 60s, 70s and 80s. However, he’d only ever had two minor Top 40 hits in the UK back in the early 60s.

So why was he riding high in our charts in the 90s? I don’t really have to spell it out do I? No, it was nothing to do with the David Lynch’s 1986 film Blue Velvet (although the song does feature in it as sung by its star Isabella Rossellini). OK, it seems I do have to spell it out. It was used in an advert. Of course it was! Everything in the charts in this year seemed to have been in a bloody advert. Here’s @TOTPFacts with the details:

Nowadays of course, Nivea have turned from blue to red and got Liverpool FC footballers to advertise their products. Thankfully, this hasn’t led to a re-release of the “Anfield Rap” yet. “Blue Velvet” would rise all the way to No 2.

Maria McKee is still at No 1 with “Show Me Heaven” but instead of that live vocal studio performance that they’ve been showing, we get the official promo video this week. As it’s from the Days Of Thunder film, it’s not long before we see Tom Cruise’s fizzog (mostly kissing co-star and later wife Nicole Kidman) although to be fair, Maria does get plenty of screen time too.

I’ve never seen Days Of Thunder but I’m imagining it’s like Top Gun but with racing cars instead of jets. Hang on, it says in Wikipedia that Cruise’s character was called Cole Trickle? Cole Trickle? Wait! It gets better (or worse). The character’s name was a reference to real life American race car driver Dick Trickle! That’s DICK TRICKLE!! Once more…DICK TRICKLE!! That’s up there with Biggus Dickus…

Just in case you hadn’t had enough Technotonic in the last 30 minutes, here they were again as the play out video but under their pseudonym of Hi Tek 3 along with Ya Kid K with “Spin That Wheel (Turtles Get Real)”. Like Partners In Kryme before them, this was from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles soundtrack and was actually a re-release having made No 69 back in January but was propelled to No 15 this time around on the back of the fuss/success surrounding those infernal turtles.

Ya Kid K always makes me think of “Our Kid Eh” by Mark and Lard’s spoof group The Shirehorses which of course lampoons Radiohead’s “Kid A” and features songs such as “Why Is It Always Dairy Lea” (a take off of “Why Does It Always Rain On Me?” by Travis) and “Feel Like Shite” (their take on “Alright” by Supergrass). Lovely stuff.

Order of appearanceArtistSongDid I Buy it?
1Twenty 4 Seven featuring Captain HollywoodI Can’t Stand It…and therefore I didn’t buy it
2MC HammerHave You Seen HerNope
3Pet Shop BoysSo HardNo but it’s on my Pop Art retrospective of theirs
4TechnotronicMegamixAs if
5MC Tunes / 808 StateTunes Splits The AtomNo
6The Adventures Of Stevie VBody LanguageNegative
7The Beautiful SouthA Little TimeNot the single but I have it on their Best Of album
8Neneh CherryI’ve Got You Under My SkinIt’s a no
9The ChimesHeavenAnd another one
10Bobby VintonBlue VelvetNot for me thanks
11Maria McKeeShow Me HeavenNah
12Hi Tek 3 featuring Ya Kid KSpin That Wheel (Turtles Get Real)Hell no

Disclaimer

OK – here’s the thing – the TOTP episodes are only available on iPlayer for a limited amount of time so the link to the programme below only works for about another month so you’ll have to work fast if you want to catch the whole show.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000t132/top-of-the-pops-04101990

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

Some bedtime reading?

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TOTP 20 SEP 1990

We’re pushing on through 1990 now and find ourselves entering the final third of September. The year has brought us a dramatic World Cup, a Summer heatwave and a seemingly endless conveyor belt of awful, awful records in the Top 40…but all of those things would pale into insignificance for me as I was exactly one month away from getting married! Yes, my girlfriend and I had been reunited over the Summer when I secured some temporary employment in her hometown of Hull and now we had decided that we weren’t going to be separated again. We were only 22 by this point and none of our friends and peers had got married or were even talking about such a happening that I was aware of but we were determined and confident in each other and our relationship.

We had decided we would move to Manchester. We had very little connection to the city other than we both knew one person each who lived there. To this end, I had applied for jobs in record shops there to have some employment set up for our arrival. Why record shops? I loved music and thought that I would be working in a field that engaged me. I also figured that somehow it would be a springboard into some sort of career in the music business, that I would be headhunted to some record company position and end up running a record label or some such other fantasy. In my defence of this folly, I was very young, just starting out in life and I didn’t have a f*****g clue! The first record shop that I heard back from was the Our Price chain and they invited me to interview for a temporary Xmas sales assistant position. So it came to pass that in this very week of September 1990, I travelled over to Manchester and rocked up at the offices above the Manchester Piccadilly store where I was interviewed by a very pleasant guy (whose name I forget), sat a music quiz and was told that I would be a suitable person to work for Our Price. I remember him asking me if I though the money they were paying was enough (£100 a week as I recall) and I said absolutely! I wasn’t going to talk myself out of the opportunity before I’d even begun. Success!

My other brief whilst I was over in Manchester was to try and find some accommodation for us to live in once we’d moved across the Pennines. On this point I was less successful and I returned to Hull with nothing in place on that subject. Still, one out of two wasn’t bad. I had a start date for late October agreed and had familiarised myself with Manchester a little at least whilst I was staying with one of the two people we knew there for a couple of days. I recall travelling back to her flat on the bus on the Saturday afternoon and wondering how my beloved Chelsea had got on that day. This was before the days of mobile phones, live score apps and the rest. I was unsure about outing myself as a Chelsea fan on public transport in the centre of Manchester but fortunately they had been playing Man City that afternoon so I simply asked somebody on the bus who had a pink ‘un (remember them) sports paper the City result*. Bingo! I was already getting used to this living in Manchester lark!

*It was a 1-1 draw by the way.

As a consequence of all this grown up stuff, I had taken my eye off the ball as to the pop charts and am pretty sure I didn’t even watch this particular TOTP. Let’s see what I missed….

….we start with one of those awful, awful records I referred to earlier. Twenty 4 Seven featuring Captain Hollywood were one of those Eurodance outfits that we’d seen so much of in this year like 49ers and Bizz Nizz. The Captain himself was a guy called Tony Dawson-Harrison who earned his nickname when stationed with the US Army in Germany. Hang on! Wasn’t that the same back story as Turbo B from Snap!?

*checks Wikipedia*

Yes, it was! And didn’t Sydney Youngblood of “If Only I Could” fame follow the same route to chart glory?

*checks Wikipedia again*

Yes! What the hell was the deal with American army soldiers based in Germany becoming pop stars in the early 90s?! Anyway, he was joined by vocalist Nancy “Nance” Coolen (not hard to work out where her nickname came from) and a couple of dancers and hey presto! A massive hit called “I Can’t Stand It”. After that single hit big, Captain Hollywood left to pursue a solo career (he had a couple of minor hit singles in the UK in the mid 90s but was a much bigger deal in the rest of Europe) and was replaced by Stacey “Stay-C” Seedorf (they really needed to work on those nicknames a bit more!). From that point on it became a carousel of band members and line up that would put The Fall to shame (well, The Sugababes at least). Apparently they are still a going concern to this day. As for me, I couldn’t stand “I Can’t Stand It” which peaked at No 7 over here.

Wait a minute! What’s going on here? The Stone Roses in the charts with “Fools Gold”? Again? It had already spent 14 weeks in the Top 100 between Nov 1989 and Feb 1990 – why was it re-released so quickly afterwards? Well, after the band’s commercial breakthrough in 1989 with “Made Of Stone”, “She Bangs The Drums” and of course “Fools Gold”, there was a rush to get more of their product out into the marketplace, not all of it with the endorsement of the band. Early single “Sally Cinnamon” on their ex-label Revolver came out again with a video that the band hated. They tried to stop the release and when they couldn’t, it led to the legendary office trashing incident when the band, on route to the recording studio, stopped by the FM Revolver headquarters and trashed the offices by hurling paint all over them and former manager Paul Birch. The inevitable court case followed with the band fined £3,600 each.

After “Elephant Stone” was also released from their iconic debut album came the much heralded single “One Love”. Tipped to be No 1, the band’s mythical aura had slipped after the debacle of the Spike Island concert and it stalled at No 4, unable to dislodge Elton John or indeed get the better of Craig McClachlan! Given its relative failure, was “Fools Gold” re-issued to remind us of their former glories? Its original release had seen it double A-sided with “What The World Is Waiting For” but was it just a standard A -side this time? Or was it just the original release propelled back into the charts by demand? I’m not sure. he waters are muddied further by the fact that it has been re-released at least a further two times since. I’m pretty sure that the debut album was re-released with “Fools Gold” included as an extra track at some point in the early 90s as well.

The 1990 release made it to No 22 in the charts whilst the 1989 original release made it all the way to No 8. I have to say it’s not my favourite Stone Roses tune by some distance, whilst Ian Brown seems to be making quite the fool himself these days without any recourse to gold.

I had to jinx it by mentioning Snap! before didn’t I? Here’s Turbo B and co with their third hit of 1990 “Cult Of Snap”. After “The Power” and “Ooops Up”, this one at least had a differential to it in the form of the African sounding drumbeats and chanting. Indeed, it proved to be popular in that territory as it peaked at No 2 in Zimbabwe. When this TOTP repeat aired, a few social media commentators said that it reminded them of that “In Zaire” song by Johnny Wakelin which I just about remember from my childhood. Let’s see if they had a point then…

…ooh yeah, maybe. Anyway, back to “Cult Of Snap” and I found this one a little less irritating than their previous efforts (maybe it was Johnny Wakelin subconsciously drawing me in from the 70s). It turns out though that Snap! didn’t have the very first release of this track. Here’s @TOTPFacts:

The ever generous Turbo B (who had already been involved in a homophobic instigated nightclub incident by this point) declared of Hi Power’s version in a Smash Hits interview:

“These people, they’re ridiculous. If he was a good rapper, it would be OK but he was a shit rapper, he has no timing. “

What a pleasant man! It’s a bit rich anyway given that “The Power” included the unauthorised sampling of vocals by Jocelyn Brown which led her to commence legal action. The legally complex world of sampling eh?

“Cult Of Snap” peaked at No 8 in the UK.

One of the constants of this blog throughout the 80s and now the 90s has been the persistent existence of hard rock acts within the UK Top 40 whatever the current musical milieu dictated. House music? Not a problem? Overblown ballads from film soundtracks? Out of our way, we’re coming through! Boys bands and teeny bop idols? We give zero f***s! We’re here to play loud rock music and nobody will stop us! The likes of Megadeth, Skid Row and Whitesnake had steadfastly refused to budge from the Top 40, presumably propelled their in the first pace by a sizeable, loyal fan base. Another such act were AC/DC for whom “Thunderstruck” was already their 14th UK Top 40 hit and followed the likes of “Who Made Who” and “Heatseeker” into the Top 20. As I’ve said many time previously, I never got the boat going to AC/DC island and this did nothing for me. I can’t be doing with their song titles for one thing – they all seem to just constant variants on the whole ‘power’ theme.

The song inspired a whole movie called Thunderstruck which was released in 2004 and was a comedy about five guys who go to an AC/DC show in 1991 and agree to bury the first one who dies next to Bon Scott. No really. Look, here’s the trailer….

…yeah. It looks well shit doesn’t it?

Some Breakers next and we start with the return of S’Express. Despite cornering the market as the commercial face of house music when arriving with a bang back in 1988 with the No 1 single “Theme from S-Express”, Mark Moore and co had suffered from a case of diminishing returns ever since with each subsequent single release peaking lower than its immediate predecessor. Their fortunes were not helped by a two year gap between album releases with sophomore long player “Intercourse” not arriving until a whole three years after the bomb that was “Theme from S-Express” had exploded into the charts.

“Nothing To Lose” was actually the second single to be lifted from “Intercourse”, the first had been “Mantra For A State Of Mind” nearly a year before – see what I mean about them not being fussed about maintaining momentum with regular release schedules? Indeed, the four singles that were released from the album covered a period of three years!

I have to say that I didn’t mind “Nothing To Lose” though and my wife liked it so much she bought the 12″. However, their appeal was definitely on the wane. It peaked at No 32 and became their last ever Top 40 hit until a remix of “Theme from S-Express” retitled as “Theme from S’Express – The Return Trip” made the Top 20 in 1996.

Is this the same DNA who were just in the charts with Suzanne Vega with that remix of “Tom’s Diner”? It is apparently. I had no idea they had more than one hit. A quick check of their discography shows that they had five Top 40 entries although this one, “La Serenissima”, seems to be the only one in their own right. Including “Tom’s Diner”, all the other ones were with additional artists with the most successful and famous being Kylie Minogue whom they remixed “Shocked ” for as “Shocked (DNA Remix)” (it did what it said on the tin) in 1991 which peaked at No 6.

Featuring that ubiquitous James Brown “Funky Drummer” sample, “La Serenissima” was actually a cover of a piece by Rondò Veneziano who Wikipedia tells me are ‘an Italian chamber orchestra, specialising in Baroque music, playing original instruments but incorporating a rock-style rhythm section of synthesiser, bass guitar and drums’. That sounds…erm…like an Italian version of ‘Hooked On Classics’?

“La Serenissima” – the Byzantine title for Venice if you’re asking – peaked at No 34.

Who’s up for some Monie Love? Last seen in the charts at the back end of 1989 with her Top 20 single “Grandpa’s Party”, she was back there again with “It’s a Shame (My Sister)” which was her hip-hop take on “It’s a Shame”, the old 70s hit by The Spinners. Is it my imagination or was Monie Love briefly tipped to be the next hip-hop superstar? Well, there’s still a lot of love for Monie online where she is routinely referred to as a hip-hop icon. Interviewed by http://www.pbs.org and asked what her greatest contribution was to hip-hop, she replied:

“Oh, wow, that’s easy for me. My greatest contribution to Hip-Hop was allowing the United States of America to know and understand exactly how far they reach, and how influential they are to children in completely different countries because I am the import. I’m one of the first successful imports on the Hip-Hop tree of life.”

Import? Ah, you see Monie was born Simone Johnson in Battersea in 1970 before relocating to the US permanently where she carved out a successful career in radio. Oh, and I’ve no idea who True Image are/were who are also credited on the record. Sounds like one of Louis Walsh’s X Factor boy bands to me.

After The Stone Roses earlier in the show, we get another of those acts closely associated with the baggy sound of Manchester (although they were actually from a combination of the West Midlands and Northwich in Cheshire). The Charlatans were bona fide pop stars by this point but this was actually their debut appearance on TOTP never actually having made it on the show for previous single “The Only One I Know” despite it going Top 10 (the promo video had to suffice instead). “Then” was a worthy follow up and very nearly made it two Top Tenners on the bounce, peaking just outside at No 12.

Lead singer and now near National Treasure Tim Burgess has obviously been to the barbers with his bowl cut look replaced with something altogether more sharp. The decision to lop off his locks was made because Tim felt that too many people trying to copy his floppy fringe look apparently. These days of course, he has adopted a hairstyle that seems to be a mash up of Andy Warhol and Purdey from The New Avengers. Haircuts aside, he remains a rather wonderful human being.

If this TOTP was a football match, it would be between the indie/dance baggie sound and heavy rock and this would be the match report:

“After The Baggies (no, not WBA!) went 1-0 up early doors via a strike from The Stone Roses, Heavy Rock equalised via the ever reliable AC/DC. Shortly after the break(ers) however, The Baggies were back in front via a good follow up from The Charlatans. Not to be out done, Heavy Rock fired a second equaliser from veterans Iron Maiden.”

Yes, just like AC/DC earlier, Iron Maiden were still rampaging up the charts as the 80s became the 90s. We could have been forgiven for thinking they were on a sabbatical given the solo career of Bruce Dickinson earlier in the year but they were back with new single “Holy Smoke” which was the lead single from their “No Prayer For The Dying” album. By this point, the band’s fan base was so big that they could guarantee a high chart placing for anything they released as demonstrated by “Holy Smoke” which entered the charts at No 3. The band (or possibly their record label) saw a way to exploit this to the max with their next single “Bring Your Daughter… to the Slaughter” which was released in the week after Xmas when there was traditionally a lull in sales after the Xmas rush. This meant that far fewer copies need to be sold to have a massive hit and so it came to pass that Iron Maiden would score their first and only No 1 single as 1991 dawned.

I don’t really recall “Holy Smoke” at all and on hearing it on this TOTP repeat iI did wonder if it was an instrumental. It isn’t but the reason for my confusion was that the show’s producers started the playback of the track from the point of a guitar solo which I’m guessing was a strategic move to omit some of the song’s more profane lyrics which occur early on such as ‘Flies around shit/bees around honey’ and ‘I’ve lived in filth/I’ve lived in sin/and I still smell cleaner than the shit you’re in’. Ooh, they were scary rebels weren’t they Iron Maiden?

Breaking News! There’s a last gasp winner in The Baggies v Heavy Rock match as the former seal the win with a goal from late substitute The Farm. Hang on, it’s gone to VAR! There’s a debate about whether the goal should stand as Stockley Park look at evidence that The Farm were not actually a baggie band and therefore they should be disqualified from playing. According to a Smash Hits interview with Tim Burgess of The Charlatans, he had this to say about the “Groovy Train” hitmakers:

“I saw them live five years ago and they were a crap R’n’ B band.”

Damning stuff. The decision is in though and the goal stands on the basis of this angle from @TOTPFacts:

If holy trinity indie /dance member Happy Mondays were concerned about The Farm, then they must have been baggy! However, I’m pretty sure that I saw an Expedia advert on the TV the other day that used “Groovy Train” as the soundtrack to it which kind of undermines its indie credentials a bit in my book. Apparently, Duran Duran have turned down multiple lucrative requests over the years from various food outlets asking to use “Hungry Like The Wolf” in an advertising campaign but they have always refused. So there you have it – Duran Duran have more credibility than The Farm. Maybe.

Steve Miller Band are still at No 1 with ‘The Joker” holding off Deee-Lite’s tilt at the top for a second week. The previous week of course had raised the whole chart controversy of the two acts being tied for the No 1 position. Using a clearly unfair ruling, “The Joker” was given the number one as its sales had increased more from the previous week. To diffuse chart rigging accusations, the compilers Gallup subsequently announced that “The Joker” had actually sold 8 (EIGHT!) copies more than “Groove Is In The Heart”. How convenient. Did someone have to look for those 8 sales a bit like Donald Trump going looking for missing votes in the US presidential election?

Wanna hear Homer Simpson singing “The Joker”? Of course you do…

Confirming that he wasn’t a one hit wonder, the play out video is “Tunes Splits The Atom” by MC Tunes and 808 State. This track also confirms, Geoff Hurst in the final minute style, the victory for The Baggies over Heavy Rock with both MC Tunes and 808 State hailing from ‘Madchester’. As if that wasn’t enough, “Tunes Splits The Atom” samples a bass riff from “I Am The Resurrection” by The Stone Roses. Done and indeed dusted.

For posterity’s sake, I include the chart run down below:

eqwrt

Order of appearanceArtistSongDid I Buy it?
1Twenty 4 Seven featuring Captain HollywoodI Can’t Stand It…and therefore I didn’t buy it
2The Stone RosesFools GoldNo but I must have it on something
3Snap!The Cult Of SnapI was not a member of this cult
4AC/DCThunderstruckClusterfuck more like! No
5S’ExpressNothing To LoseNo but my wife bough the 12”
6DNALa SerenissimaNah
7 Monie Love It’s A Shame (My Sister) Nope
8The CharlatansThenNo but it’s on my Melting Pot Best Of CD of theirs
9Iron MaidenHoly SmokeThey could blow their smoke out of their arses for all I cared -no
10The FarmGroovy TrainNo but I easily could have
11Steve Miller BandThe JokerIt’s a no
12MC Tunes / 808 StateTunes Splits The AtomNo

Disclaimer

OK – here’s the thing – the TOTP episodes are only available on iPlayer for a limited amount of time so the link to the programme below only works for about another month so you’ll have to work fast if you want to catch the whole show.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000st47/top-of-the-pops-20091990

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

Some bedtime reading?

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