Vengaboys

TOTP 12 MAR 1999

Posted on by 80stastic

At last a presenter who isn’t Jayne Middlemiss nor Jamie Theakston! Yes, we have a new presenter who is Gail Porter, someone who has had quite the life and career full of the highest highs and the lowest lows. Gail’s early CV entries included stints on various children’s TV shows before getting her big break on TOTP. She was also a model for magazines such as FHM and it was that part of her life which would result in one of the most infamous news stories and visual memories of the decade. Although it would raise her profile into the stratosphere, it would ultimately cause Porter far more harm than good. A couple of months after her TOTP debut, Gail would awake one morning in May 1999 to find her names in headlines though it wasn’t her head that the story concerned. A nude 60ft tall photograph of Porter was projected onto the Houses of Parliament organised by FHM magazine as part of a marketing campaign to promote their ‘100 sexiest women in the world’ poll. Gail had no idea what had been planned but received a backlash anyway as the perception that she was in on the stunt as a career move was propagated. The incident would lead to Gail not feeling able to leave the house and contribute to bouts of depression. She suffered from anorexia nervosa and was hospitalised before, in 2005, developing alopecia totalis which led to her losing all of her hair. Choosing to deal with her condition literally head on, she declined to wear hats or wigs and used her profile to become ambassador for the Little Princess Trust, a charity which provides wigs to children with hair loss. As if that wasn’t enough to deal with, her marriage (to Toploader guitarist Dan Hipgrave) broke down and she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and sectioned against her will for 17 days in 2011. In a painfully honest and insightful 2024 documentary called Being Gail Porter, she discussed her two decades of mental health struggles. Knowing all of the above, it’s hard to recall her as this fresh faced, young presenter. Let’s see how she did…

Well, Gail’s first line is about it being her first time and a request to please be gentle with her, a bit of sexual innuendo which feels unnecessary but possibly didn’t raise an eyebrow in the era of ‘lad culture’. We then move straight to our first performance which is…oh this is just getting silly now…a hit that was only just on last week’s show and was now coming down the charts. I know this was nothing new in the Chris Cowey era and that I’ve banged on loads about the practice of repeat showings of songs that were descending the Top 10 but this one has really pissed me off for some reason. Actually, not this one but FOUR songs that were on just seven days ago which are all back on the show. Wait a minute though, am I being unfair here? Having checked out that week’s chart on official charts.com, there’s not one song going up the charts! The whole Top 40 consists of either new entries or songs going down. What was the hell was this?! I guess it was another consequence of first week record company discounting as sales in the second week fell dramatically as the price of a single went up. OK, so were there any new entries that could have featured on the show instead of songs declining in popularity? Well yes, there were three entries inside the Top 10 which were never featured including hits from two of the biggest names in music – Madonna and George Michael! OK, they might not have been available for an in the studio appearance but were there no videos made to promote their singles? Well yes, there were – at least they are easily found on YouTube so was this Cowey’s stupid ‘no promos’ policy at work again?

For the record the first act in this TOTP is Cher with “Strong Enough” which is down from No 5 to No 8 in the charts. I’ve nothing else to say about this one other than that Cher was in the news this week for fluffing her lines at the Grammys when presenting Kendrick Lamar and SZA with an award though in her defence it didn’t seem to be all her own fault…

Gail Porter warns us that this next act’s last single stayed on the charts for three months hinting that the follow up may do the same. Did we heed Gail’s warning? No we did not as Vengaboys spent five weeks inside the Top 10 and two and a half months on the Top 40 with “We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)”. You know, the 90s have provided some awful years of music but I think 1999 might just prove to be the worst and this lot will have been one of the biggest contributing factors as to why. Using those exact same tinny, buzzing and downright annoying backing beats as featured on their first hit “Up & Down”, this was music in its most basic form. No, it wasn’t music, this was anti-music or some sort of tribal chant led opium for the masses causing the general public to lose its collective mind and taste to rush to their local record emporium to buy this colossal shit. “Pushing the boundaries of pop” says Gail by which I don’t think she meant carving out a new art form but shrinking the definition of what could reasonably be described as such. Just horrendous but worse was to come in the shape of two No 1 hits during the year for these absolute dolts. The Vengabus was indeed coming…for us all.

Now in previous posts I’ve stated how I should really explore Skunk Anansie’s back catalogue more based on some of their hits I wasn’t familiar with. However, this next one – “Charlie Big Potato” – has dulled my commitment to that endeavour as it’s far too heavy for my liking. I mean, it sounds like Metallica or someone. And it’s dark as well as heavy. The opening lyrics are “I awake from blood thick dreams” followed a bit later by “I awake, dry the scream, spit the vile breath, till my tongue bleeds”. Bloody hell! Skin’s almost demonic performance here certainly doesn’t add any levity to the whole experience with her seemingly on the verge of kicking out at the studio audience and her weird stage outfit of what seems to be a PVC jacket with dangling, massively oversized pieces of material (I’m not sure they count as sleeves) hanging from her arms. Are they meant to be wings? Is she meant to resemble a bat? The whole thing comes across as far too much for a mainstream pop music show and the aforementioned audience don’t seem to know how to react to what they are witnessing initially before adopting an ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ approach and just going mental in the really loud bits. The floor managers seem to have run with the element of danger to the whole performance with police tape barriers skirting the stage. “Charlie Big Potato” was a big hit in Iceland which makes sense as the craziness of it puts me in mind of Björk. It was also used in the soundtrack to the deeply disturbing and unpleasant movie Hollow Man starring Kevin Bacon which again makes sense.

Another song going down the charts from No 3 to No 5 is next – “It’s Not Right But It’s OK” by Whitney Houston. This is the third time in a row this performance has been on the show. Week one was an ‘exclusive’ performance before the single was released, week two reflected its debut at No 3 and week three is it descending the charts albeit still remaining in the Top 5. Are all three appearances justified? I can make a case for the first two but surely the third is overkill? Whatever your own opinion on the matter, the upshot is that I have nothing else to say about this one. As a blogger, it’s not right…but it’s OK.

We arrive at the valedictory performance for a band who had eighteen Top 40 hits including a Christmas No 1 and of which only six failed to make the Top 10. A group who courted controversy and were allocated the role of the perceived rivals to the UK’s premier boy band of the 90s. A group who looked to have lost everything but who shortened their name and made one last (partially) successful grab for chart victory. It is, of course, East 17…erm…E-17!

Having achieved a No 2 hit against the odds as a Tony Mortimer-less trio with their past single “Each Time”, Brian, Terry and John (thanks for the name checks Gail!) followed it with “Betcha Can’t Wait” which was more of a deliberate R&B sound which they’d plotted without their former chief songwriter. However, whilst I’d unexpectedly appreciated “Each Time”, this one was pure parody. All the same soul stylings were there but the lyrics were laughable. Witness:

“I’m gonna touch you in the right spot baby….Betcha can’t wait, betcha can’t stop…Can’t stop thinking ’bout my love rock, baby come on”

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Brian Lee Harvey / Terence Mark Coldwell / John Darren Hendy / Mark Reid / Jonathon Lesley Beckford / Ivor Paul Reid
Betcha Can’t Wait lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Ltd., Strongsongs Ltd.

“Touch you in the right spot”?! “My love rock”?! This performance is almost like a Fast Show sketch but instead of ‘Jazz Club’ or ‘Indie Club’ they’d turned their attention to R&B and given us ‘Bump ‘n’ Grind Club’. And check out the other two’s (forgotten their names already – where’s Gail when you need her?) ridiculous dance moves! Like I said pure parody. Compare this nonsense to such gems as “Deep” and “It’s Alright”. There is no comparison. What a said way to bow out for the lads who were straight outta Walthamstow.

Two more hits now which were also on only last week starting with “Just Looking” by Stereophonics. As with Whitney earlier, I haven’t got much else to say about this one except to note that their bass player was recreating a look first popularised on the show by Sandie Shaw and her barefooted performances. However, if you’re wanting a band to band comparison, check out Duran Duran’s guitarist Andy Taylor in this clip of them playing “Hungry Like The Wolf”. What happened to his shoes? I don’t know but if you watch him closely, he does seem to be rather out of it like he was in another world. Planet earth to Andy…Is there something I should know?

Also just like Whitney Houston, this is the third time for Blur on the show with “Tender”. Come on Cowey, what do you think I’ve still got left to say about this one?! OK, how about a shout out to the London Community Gospel Choir who also featured on this track. Founded in 1982, look at this list of artists with whom the have either performed or recorded:

  • George Michael and Liza Minnelli at The Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert
  • Madonna at Live 8 in Hyde Park
  • Eric Clapton in Hyde Park
  • Kylie Minogue in Hyde Park
  • Blur (again) at the 2012 BRITS
  • The 1975 at the 2017 and 2019 BRITS
  • Pink! at the 2019 BRITS
  • They recorded a version of the OutKast hit “Hey Ya!” with Razorlight (the B-side to their single “Vice”)
  • They recorded with Will Young on his debut album “From Now On”
  • They provided backing vocals on Erasure’s  self-titled 1995 album
  • They featured on Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds 2005 double album “Abattoir Blues/The Lyre Of Orpheus”
  • They also performed on the songs “Don’t Get Lost in Heaven” and “Demon Days” on the Gorillaz’ “Demon Days” album
  • They have also recorded with
    Paul McCartney, Elton John, Westlife, Elkie Brooks and Tori Amos amongst others

Blimey! Or should I say Hallelujah!

So the halting of the run of one week wonder No 1s didn’t last long did it? Britney Spears has been toppled after just fourteen days at the top of the charts by the 1999 Comic Relief single recorded that year by Boyzone. For the third time in a row we got a pretty straight run through of a song that wasn’t written with the intention of being funny nor that had extra comedic lines thrown into the mix by the performers over a well known hit. To break that down further, ever since its inception in 1986, the established choice was either a cover version played for laughs:

  • Cliff Richard and The Young Ones – “Living Doll”
  • Mel & Kim (Mel Smith & Kim Wilde) -“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”
  • Bananarama & Lananeeneenoonoo – “Help!”
  • Mr. Bean & Smear Campaign feat. Bruce Dickinson – “(I Want to Be) Elected”

Or an original song written to be intentionally funny (I’m not sure the writers always succeeded):

  • Hale & Pace – “The Stonk”
  • Right Said Fred – “Stick It Out”
  • Pet Shop Boys – “Absolutely Fabulous”

Then came “Love Can Build A Bridge” by Cher, Neneh Cherry, Chrissie Hynde and Eric Clapton in 1995 which was a cover of an original song by country music duo The Judds. Two years later, no song was specifically written nor covered for the campaign but the Spice Girls agreed that all royalties for their double A-side single “Mama / “Who Do You Think You Are” would go to the charity. And then there was Boyzone who did a faithful version of Billy Ocean’s 1986 No 1 “When the Going Gets Tough” which I didn’t particularly like first time round so Ronan and the lads take on it was never going to win me over, charity record or not. Watching this back, I’m struck again by how little the guys who weren’t either Keating nor Stephen Gately actually did. In this one, they’re tasked with a bit of finger clicking and some shadow boxing to match the staging theme for the performance and that’s about it. That staging with the boxing backing dancers gives the whole thing a very 80s feel. I’m thinking of this perhaps..

P.S. A few people on line noted an unlikely link between “When the Going Gets Tough” and “We Like To Party! (The Vengabus)” by Vengaboys. Give up? They both have near identical opening lines – “I got something to tell you” in the former and “I’ve got something to tell ya” in the latter. Then in the third line they both share a similar theme – Ronan Keating sings “I’m gonna put this dream in motion” whilst whoever the Vengaboys ‘vocalist’ is gives us the line “Gonna put some wheels in motion”. Note to arresting officer – add plagiarism to the Vengaboys charge sheet for crimes against music.

As for Gail Porter, she did pretty well I think. All power to you Gail, a quite remarkable person. We’ll see plenty more of her (ahem) in future 1999 TOTP repeats.

Order of appearanceArtistTilteDid I buy it?
1CherStong EnoughNah
2VengaboysWe Like To Party! (The Vengabus)Never
3Skunk AnansieCharlie Big PotatoNo
4Whitney HoustonIt’s Not Right But It’s OKI did not
5E-17Betcha Can’t WaitNope
6StereophonicsJust LookingNo but I had the album
7BlurTenderSee 6 above
8BoyzoneWhen the Going Gets ToughNot even for charity

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002qlxz/top-of-the-pops-12031999

TOTP 27 NOV 1998

Posted on by 80stastic

After featuring nine songs in the last TOTP, we’re down to seven this time though six of them are new to charts (sort of). Our host is Jayne Middlemiss and we start with that ‘start of’ hit which is from Steps. The reason for it’s unclear categorisation is that whilst “Heartbeat” hasn’t been on the show previously, it wasn’t actually a new chart hit being the other track to their double A-side single alongside their cover of “Tragedy” which we saw on the previous programme. Now, I said in the last post that I didn’t think that I’d ever heard “Heartbeat” before such was the ubiquity of “Tragedy” and I stand by that statement having listened to it today. There’s no bells ringing (even though it’s Christmas time) and I’m rather glad there aren’t as it’s a sickly, saccharine pop ballad that cloys but leaves no cultural nor sonic sustenance whatsoever. It’s literally like a musical form of candy floss. Surely punters weren’t buying the single for this track but purely for “Tragedy”?

“Cor! It’s the Corrs!” or so Jayne Middlemiss in her intro would have us believe that’s what the male population would be saying at this point. Bit sexist that isn’t it Jayne? Well, it was the time of lad culture and Jayne herself had spent time as a glamour model early in her career so maybe all that informed her comments. Or maybe she was just reading the lines written in a script (presumably by a man). Let’s not tie ourselves up in knots about all that. On with the music and “So Young” was the third hit on the trot for The Corrs this year. Written by violinist Sharon about her parents and the notion that no matter how old they got, they seemed to her to be forever young in spirit and outlook. All this talk of ageing and youth got me thinking about who are the eldest and youngest Corrs and the order of the ages in the middle. So how about a festive game of ‘Guess the age of the Corrs’? I’ll start. I’m going:

  • Jim – eldest
  • Sharon
  • Andrea
  • Caroline – youngest

How did I do?

*checks Wikipedia*

Ooh! Almost! These are their actual ages:

  • Jim – 61
  • Sharon – 55
  • Caroline – 52
  • Andrea – 51

This, of course, means that even “the beautiful Corrs” (© Ant and Dec) are all now in their 50s.* Time waits for no man…or woman.

*Before you all accuse me of ageism and misogyny, I’m sure they are all still beautiful and absolutely agree that age should have no bearing on perceptions of attractiveness. I was trying to make a point about the passing of youth and how time marches on but I’m regretting saying any of it now. Let’s move on quickly…

…to the Vengaboys! NOOO!!! We can’t have reached that time already. 1998 you really have been a pile of steaming shite and this is the little twist on the turd after it’s been curled out. Too graphic? I care not a jot when it comes to this lot. Which despicable people were responsible for this utter crapola? I’ll tell you who – a couple of Dutch producers who went by the aliases Danski (real name Dennis van den Driesschen) and Delmundo (Wessel Dietrich van Diepen) who threw (according to the official Vengaboys website) impromptu and illegal beach parties from their worn out school bus in the early 90s. Deciding to grow their operation, they recruited some singers and dancers to spice up their DJ sets and then took it a massive step further by deciding to form a record label and produce records. With that concept established, the task of fronting said records would fall to those dancers and singers they had already recruited. After a couple of minor hits in their own country, they went truly international with the release of “Up & Down” which was a Top 10 hit all around Europe and topped the US Dance Club Play chart.

This whole thing has given me some strong 2 Unlimited vibes. The Dutch duo began their run of hits with the track “Get Ready For This”, the single edit of which was essentially an instrumental with the occasional shout out thrown in which many (me included) thought would make them one hit wonders. They made mugs of us though by proceeding to have a run of 14 Top 40 singles including that No 1. Similarly, the Vengaboys, for all the world, looked like being a one-off, almost novelty act with “Up & Down” the lyrics of which consisted of the words ‘up’, ‘and’, ‘down’, and ‘woo!’. Just like 2 Unlimited though, they would follow it with a string of hit singles (including two No 1s) between 1998 and 2001. All of which means we’ve only just scratched the surface of the crust of the Vengaboys planet of which we will all become inhabitants (willing or not) until the end of the 90s.

Ah that explains it! Here’s @TOTPFacts with the reason why there’s only seven songs on this repeat:

Moving on very quickly we find Sash! with yet another hit in “Move Mania”. This was the trio’s* sixth consecutive UK hit but the first not to debut at either No 2 or No 3 when it made its chart entry at No 8.

*Yes, Jayne Middlemiss, Sash was a three man production team not a single person and certainly not an “international man of mystery” as you describe them in your intro.

In their continual conveyer belt of guest vocalists, for this release they have teamed up with Shannon who had a couple of hits in the mid 80s notably with “Let The Music Play” though she also featured on Todd Terry’s 1997 Top 20 hit “It’s Over Love”. Maybe it’s the Shannon effect but “Move Mania” sounds very retro to me by which I mean retro even in 1998. It’s all very frantic, frenetic and furious – dare I say like an 80s Hi-NRG track? Maybe I’m reaching a bit there but it didn’t have the same feel as some of the other Sash! hits to this point. Although the hits certainly didn’t dry up after this slight downturn in chart fortunes for “Move Mania”, they didn’t sustain at that previous high level either with only one of their subsequent six UK entries making it to No 2, the mention of which allows me to trot out this well worn fact about Sash! – they remain the act with the most No 2 hits (five) without ever having a No 1. In the dark times that we currently live in, this bit of pop trivia somehow gives me the slightest slither of hope for the world.

And that slither of hope is extinguished immediately by this next hit. Not another Latin flavoured dance track! How many times have we seen this sort of thing during these late 90s TOTP repeats? Here’s just a few I can think of:

  • Dario G – “Carnaval De Paris”
  • Echobeatz – “Mas Que Nada”
  • Ricky Martin – “(Un Dos Tres) Maria”
  • Bellini – “Samba De Janeiro”

That’s was surely more than enough of that kind of thing no? No, it wasn’t apparently as here were Ruff Driverz and their flamenco inspired track “Dreaming”. Officially, this was credited as being ‘Ruff Driverz Presents Arrola’ who was the vocalist who has worked with loads of dance acts (sometimes under her real name of Katherine Ellis) including 4-2 The Floor, Eruption and Utah Saints amongst many others. Similar to Sash! and the Vengaboys earlier, the people behind the hit were a DJ/Production team who in this case consisted of Brad Carter and Chris Brown whom for some reason thought that it what the charts needed, as Christmas approached mind, was a flamenco themed hit that surely would have been more suited to a Summer release. As ever though, what did I know as it debuted at No 10 becoming, in the process, the seventh new hit to chart inside the Top 10 that week. What a time to be alive!

After coming up with a true banger with their last single “Everybody Get Up”, Five have resorted to the usual marketing trick of releasing a slushy ballad just in time for Christmas. “Until The Time Is Through” is almost mechanical in its construction, adhering to the accepted boy band blueprint at every turn. Perhaps in an attempt to mix things up a bit, they’ve settled on a rather odd performance for this TOTP appearance. As Jayne Middlemiss says in her intro, the vocals on this one are handled by Richie and Scott presumably because it was their turn with Abz and J having taken the lead on rapping duties on “Everybody Get Up” – poor old Sean never seems to get a go in the spotlight.

Anyway, with those two situated at the front of the stage, the other three are sat right at the back on chairs. I’m sure it sounded like a good idea on paper but the optics of it look a bit odd. They never move once from their seated position which created the impression that they’re rather disinterested in what was happening in front of them. There’s something a bit ‘three wise monkeys’ about them with Abz sat with his chair back to front, J with it the right way around and Sean with his angled to one side. Was that deliberate? You know what would have livened things up? If they’d played a game of musical chairs whilst performing. That would have been a first and created a talking point! As it is, the only talking that happens is right at the very end when J turns to Sean and appears to say something to him. I wonder what he said? “Thank God that’s over”? “I could have sung that better than those two”? “Last one to the BBC bar gets the drinks in”?

It’s a fifth week at the top for Cher and “Believe”. What else is there to say about this one? I’ve covered its chart and sales data, the auto tuned vocals, its awards…what else is there? OK, how about who wrote it? Originally it was a demo worked up by Brian Higgins in 1990 who would gain fame via his Xenomania production team who wrote hits for Sugababes, S Club 7, Girls Aloud and The Saturdays. Higgins couldn’t get any interest in the track (apparently Saint Etienne were one of the artists offered it who turned it down) but he submitted it to Warners chairman Rob Dickins after a chance meeting. Dickins thought it was terrible but had a great chorus and so he employed two more songwriters (Steve Torch and Paul Barry) to work on it. Cher herself added some lyrics but did not get a writing credit though three other names did alongside Higgins, Torch and Barry. Cher admitted in 2023 that she regretted not asking for a songwriter’s credit. With worldwide sales of 11 million, I’m not surprised.

Order of appearanceArtistTitleDid I buy it?
1StepsHeartbeat / TragedyNo
2The CorrsSo YoungNope
3VengaboysUp & DownNOOOO!
4Sash! / ShannonMove ManiaI did not
5Ruff DriverzDreamingNah
6Five Until The Time Is ThroughNever
7Cher BelieveNegative

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002nd35/top-of-the-pops-27111998