We’ve entered December, the month of Christmas, time off work* and office parties talking of which, our presenter, Kate Thornton, looks like she’s come dressed for the party season-in a sparkly red dress and crimped hair. I wonder if any of the tunes on this show might have soundtracked some office parties that festive season.

*I only got Christmas Day off this year as the record shop chain I was working for (Our Price) introduced Boxing Day opening for the first time. Bah and indeed, humbug!

As it’s Christmas, we start with a ballad. Not just any ballad mind but a boy band ballad. Yes, just seven days after Five threw their hats into the ring for a huge hit with a big love song, so did Boyzone. I have to admit that I can’t place “I Love The Way You Love Me” at all but if I had to, it would be in the bin. A country-tinged ballad, it redefines the word ‘cynical’ meaning that it’s an ‘ickle’ song that it was a ‘sin’ to record. Oh alright, it’s not that bad but it’s not that good either is it? Again like Five, the vocal heavy lifting is done by just two of the five members of the band but then that was pretty much always the case with Boyzone – did any of the other three that weren’t Ronan or Stephen ever get a solo spot? I don’t think so, not on the hits anyway. And yet it went straight in at No 2 and but for the Cher phenomenon would have been another No 1 for them. Two and a half years on from the initial demise of Take That, you’d have to say that the five Irish lads had taken their opportunity to be the UK’s biggest boy band. In that period, of the eight singles which they released, four went to No 2 and four went to No 1. They loved the way you loved them.

Would it have made an office party playlist? Unlikely but maybe it could have soundtracked an illicit snog by the photocopier.

A ‘forgotten’ single next or at least one that isn’t well remembered I suspect. “War Of Nerves” by All Saints anyone? The fifth and final track lifted from their debut eponymous album, it was presumably released just so the fans had something to buy at Christmas. Or was it, as we saw recently with the example of James releasing a remix of “Sit Down”, just an attempt to revitalise sales of an album which had already been in the shops for more than a year? Either way, its peak of No 7 was a long way short of the success of their previous three singles which all topped the charts. Was that down to the fact that so many people had already bought the album or was it just that the song wasn’t that strong? I think probably the former as, although “War Of Nerves” is understated, it does have a quiet power and definite charm. Maybe it worked better as an album track? Certainly the performance here is very laid back and not at all pushy nor forward with the group all sat on a sofa or a plush chair possibly due to Melanie Blatt’s baby bump as prefaced by Kate Thornton in her intro. However, if any of us thought that the All Saints bubble had burst with the smaller hit that “War Of Nerves” gave the group, we would all be proved wrong and then some when their next release – “Pure Shores” – was their fourth No 1 hit.

Would it have made an office party playlist? Doubtful. More likely “Never Ever” or “Lady Marmalade” might have got a spin.

Did anyone else watch Ally McBeal back in the day? For a while there it as quite the TV sensation. Winning a Golden Globe Award and an Emmy in its first two seasons, the legal comedy-drama TV series starring Calista Flockhart was seen as groundbreaking in its use of surreal running gags and its uptake of one of the very first internet memes ‘The Dancing Baby’.

My wife and I enjoyed the show at the time but I don’t think we watched it much after those first two series when the ratings started to fall away. Anyway, as well as internet memes, the show heavily featured a soundtrack that was provided by the previously unknown Vonda Shepherd. OK, not completely unknown as she’d had a hit in 1987 in America with “Can’t We Try”, a duet with Dan Hill of “Sometimes When We Touch” fame. In the UK though, zip, nothing, nada. Then came the Ally McBeal break. “Searchin’ My Soul” was the theme tune and would be the single released from the soundtrack album but Shepherd was more than just a one track pony. She recorded the whole album though, in fairness, most were cover versions of pop standards. She even bagged herself a regular cameo spot on the show as the resident singer at the bar the show’s protagonists would often find themselves visiting (usually at the end of each episode). Here’s the thing though. Despite the fact that I used to watch Ally McBeal in its early years, I don’t recognise its theme tune at all. How can that be? Yes, it was never played in full on the show but even so.

However, I definitely remember something quite specific about this whole Ally McBeal era. The Our Price shop where I was working would sometimes receive promo copies of forthcoming albums to play in store and plug ahead of the release date. We received one such promo for the Ally McBeal soundtrack. It wasn’t the whole album just a sampler with maybe half a dozen songs on it. We hadn’t really played it that much and it was just knocking about near the shop stereo. Anyway, a customer came in and she was desperate to buy the music from Ally McBeal, her favourite TV show. I explained that neither the album nor the single had been released yet. However, I suddenly remembered that promo CD. Now, in theory, such promo material should only be signed out to staff but the poor woman was desperate to go home with something and as I’m a generous type of guy, I said I would ask the manager if it could be signed out to her. In return, I asked if she could make a donation into one of our charity boxes. Everyone’s a winner! Except…the manager was dead against the idea despite my protestations that it might inspire customer loyalty. In the end, he relented but made me feel like I was out of order for even suggesting such a thing. This was the manager who I just couldn’t get along with and who was a protagonist in my deteriorating mental health. He had a problem with trying to do a customer a small favour yet I’d witnessed some of his practices that were undoubtedly not squeaky clean including flouting health and safety rules when it came to his staff. As before, I won’t mention his name but let’s just say he went be getting a Christmas card from me anytime soon.

Would it have made an office party playlist?Probably not well known enough even despite Ally McBeal.

“So which one’s your favourite?” asks Kate Thornton at the end of the next performance which is “Tragedy” by Steps. Clare Richards always seemed to be the vocal focal point of the group but personally, I always had a soft spot for Faye Tozer – can’t think why (ahem). I couldn’t really be doing with the two blokes and that just leaves Lisa Scott-Lee. Have I ever told you my incredibly tenuous connection story to Lisa Scott-Lee? I once worked with someone who was friends with someone who was related to Lisa! Said relative worked in McDonalds at the time which seemed light years away from the life Scott-Lee was living and I always wondered if her relation held any feelings of jealousy towards her? Anyway, apparently she’s the best member of Steps and here’s why…

Lisa Scott-Lee is clearly the best member of Steps and here’s why that is

Would it have made an office party playlist? Most definitely.

Faithless are up next with a second single lifted from their “Sunday 8PM” album. Not quite as impactful as “God Is A DJ”, “Take The Long Way Home” nevertheless adheres to the their usual sonic blueprint of a dominant portentous, ominous sound punctuated by Maxi Jazz’s almost spoken word vocals and those fleeting, shuffling beats. If the track’s title sounds familiar, like me, you may be thinking of that song by Supertramp from their “Breakfast In America” album. It got me thinking what Faithless would have done with a cover version of “Take The Long Way Home” as opposed to their own composition so I asked AI. This is what it said:

“If Faithless covered Supertramp’s “Take the Long Way Home,” it would likely transform the classic rock ballad into an anthemic, pulsing electronic track, blending Maxi Jazz’s soulful vocals with Sister Bliss’s sweeping synths and Rollo Armstrong’s beats, creating a euphoric dancefloor version full of spiritual depth, contrasting the original’s wistful melancholy with rave energy, akin to their own hits like “Insomnia” but with Supertramp’s narrative heart…Ultimately, a Faithless cover would flip the Supertramp classic from a reflective, almost sad, acoustic-driven song into a hands-in-the-air, communal dance anthem”. 

Hmm. It’s not really telling me anything I couldn’t have thought up or written myself. In fact, it doesn’t really say anything at all other than generic guff. It did do it in seconds though whereas I seem to be taking longer and longer to write these reviews. I guess AI isn’t distracted by cups of tea or mince pies like I am. Or is it?

Would it have made an office party playlist? Not mainstream enough I would have thought but probably caused some dance floor action in a club setting.

After tempting Madonna into the TOTP studio for only the second time in 14 years, executive producer Chris Cowey wasn’t going to show Madge’s performance of her latest hit “The Power Of Goodbye/Little Star” there just once. Inevitably, it would get re-shown two weeks on and, as that first performance was an ‘exclusive’ a fortnight ahead of the single’s release, Cowey even had the added rationality for featuring it again as it had only just entered the charts at No 6. A canny move by the Mackem TV producer. Kate Thornton rather over eggs her intro by saying “This next lady’s sold over 100 million albums but she still likes to drop into TOTP”. Two in person appointments within a 14 year period would suggest the opposite Kate.

Would it have made an office party playlist? No chance. Far too slow a track. “Holiday” on the other hand…

A grinning Will Smith appearing on screen with a message for his UK fans whilst introducing the video for his latest hit seemed to be a regular event around this time. Here he was again with a segue into “Miami”, his third Top 3 hit of the year. Taken from his “Big Willie Style” album, it was yet again a pop/R&B/rap track based around a retro hit. After borrowing from Sister Sledge and Bill Withers/Grover Washington Jr previously, Smith turned to the 1979 smash “And The Beat Goes On” by The Whispers this time. You’d have to say that the writing team behind those hits were right on the money when it came to nailing their commercial appeal. The formula would continue to be applied into 1999 with a further brace of No 2 hits built around samples from the likes of The Clash, Grandmaster Flash And The Furious Five and Stevie Wonder.

Would it have made an office party playlist? Yeah, maybe.

It’s six weeks out of seven in the top spot for Cher with “Believe”. Keeping the challenge of Boyzone at arms length this time around, the sales of her hit were showing no signs of slowing down. Could she manage to hold on to not only have the biggest selling single in the UK that year but also the Christmas No 1? History shows that she didn’t with *SPOILER ALERT* the Spice Girls securing their third consecutive Yuletide topper but “Believe”’s chart position of No 4 in Christmas week, over two months on from its debut showed how much hold it still had on the record buying public.

Would it have made an office party playlist? Absolutely!

Order of appearance	Artist	Title	Did I buy it?
1	Boyzone	I Love The Way You Love Me	Never
2	All Saints	Wart Of Nerves	No but I think my wife and the album
3	Vonda Shepherd	Searchin’ My Soul	Nope
4	Steps	Tragedy / Heartbeat	No
5	Faithless	Take The Long Way Home	Nah
6	Madonna	The Power Of Goodbye/Little Star	See 2 above
7	Will Smith	Miami	I did not
8	Cher	Believe	And no

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree