I’m into my eighth year of doing this TOTP blog and sometimes it’s not always easy to find the time or inclination to write up these BBC4 repeats. Occasionally, I get a bit behind (being in bed with flu for six days straight in 2019 didn’t help the cause) but I’ve always just about managed to keep it all ticking over. However, after all this time, I’ve finally come up against a show the running order of which is seriously making me contemplate jacking it all in. Honestly, I look at the artists on this particular episode and it’s so demoralising and demotivating. With one (possibly two) exception(s), the rest of them are totally uninspiring. It’s a low point and that’s for sure.

Thankfully there is a sliver of redemption in the ‘golden mic’ hosts Jo Brand and Mark Lamarr who provide some comedic distraction from the musical garbage. I always liked Brand – she seemed to offer something different at a time where apart from French and Saunders, I don’t recall there being many female comedians having a high profile. Jo’s was in the ascendancy via her Jo Brand Through the Cakehole series on Channel 4. Lamarr was about to (but not quite yet) become a panel show regular via his stints on Shooting Stars and Never Mind The Buzzcocks both of which would air shortly. At the time of this TOTP appearance though, he was best known as the outside roving reporter on The Big Breakfast and as the presenter who took Shabba Ranks to task for his homophobic comments on The Word. Lamarr has said that his time on that programme and also Shooting Stars was no fun whatsoever. If he didn’t like those two shows, God knows what he’ll make of this TOTP!

We get off to a hideous start with the to camera piece at the top of the show coming from ‘comedian’ Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown who for some reason says he’s Sharon Stone before correcting himself. More of him (unfortunately) later though. Next, we’re into the studio with our guest presenters and it’s Jo Brand who gets the first line and in a show of self depreciation refers to herself as “an old trout” whilst Lamarr remains silent, acting bewildered by looking into the studio lights. His fish out of water act will last the whole show.

The first performer tonight is Nightcrawlers featuring John Reid with “Don’t Let The Feeling Go”. This was the third consecutive hit for this lot in 1995 and it would peak at No 13. God knows how though as it is as dull as my beloved Chelsea’s attack. Add to this that its resemblance to its predecessors is almost indistinguishable (to my ears at least) and I can’t make any case to explain its success. It certainly can’t have been down to John Reid who fronted this nonsense. Look at the state of him. He looks like a third rate magician who believes he can mesmerise his audience with a flick of his locks. He’d probably be called Mysterio or something. Just dreadful.

Aside from their tunes all sounding the same, Nightcrawlers also extended their strategy of duplication to their song titles. Look at this lot:

• Don’t Let The Feeling Go
• Push The Feeling On
• Let’s Push It
• Keep Pushing Our Love
• Should I Ever (Fall In Love)
• Never Knew Love

Mate, there’s more words ‘in the English language than just ‘feeling’, ‘push(ing)’ and ‘love’. They’re not rationed – although that will probably be the next target for austerity for this government (ooh, bit of politics there as Ben Elton said back in the day).

Mark Lamarr gets to speak for the first time in the next link and goes with an impression of an annoying punter harassing the DJ at a club to play thejr request. I love the fact that he chooses to ask for experimental industrial music pioneers Throbbing Gristle and avant garde multi instrumentalist and visual artist Captain Beefheart as his picks. When Jo Brand replies in the negative to both, he rounds the gag off perfectly by asking for 70s soft rockers Smokie* and gets a ‘yes’ from his co-host thereby highlighting the bonkers make up of the UK Top 40.

*He’ll be sorry he asked though.

The next artist up is Whigfield who, after three fluffy, pop-dance hits (including the beyond irritating ear worm that was “Saturday Night”), has released a ballad as her next single. No, really! “Close To You” wasn’t even a cover version of The Carpenters classic (that was actually called “(They Long To Be) Close To You” anyway). This was an original song and it’s actually a decent stab at writing a ballad. Drenched with strings and an endearing melody, the problem with it is the vocals. Sannie Charlotte Carlson (Whigfield was the name of the act not the singer) just didn’t have the pipes to deliver it. I mean, she gives it her best shot and she nearly gets there but she’s never quite nails it – those on point notes are as elusive as a squirming Tory politician who just won’t give a straight answer (ooh, another bit of politics!). Whigfield would turn to another ballad for their Christmas single with a woeful and ill judged cover of Wham!’s “Last Christmas” giving them their final UK Top 40 hit.

Mark Lamarr is back to giving us the silent treatment in the next segue so he’s brought a sign to do the talking first him. And what does he want to say? “Where are The Butthole Surfers?”. Excellent! The riotous American noise rockers with the weird album titles like “Rembrandt Pussyhorse” and “Locust Abortion Technician” were hardly TOTP material. Indeed, I’m surprised Lamarr got away with his sign – many media outlets refused to call the band by their full name instead referring to them as ‘The BH Surfers’. After his Throbbing Gristle and Captain Beefheart comments earlier, I make that Mark Lamarr 3 BBC 0.

Now, the one truly bright light in this festival of crud. “I Feel Love” by Donna Summer is not only one of the most recognisable songs in musical history but also perhaps one of the most influential. Sounding ahead of its time when first released in 1977 it retained its freshness and doesn’t seem to have dated even decades later. Widely acknowledged as a pioneer of electronic dance music, its legacy can be heard in the many forms of the genre from house to trance to techno. That claim is evidenced by its own longevity – it has been a hit four times in the UK alone.

The 1995 incarnation was to launch a new sub label of Polygram called Manifeste and was remixed by Rollo and Sister Bliss from Faithless. Polygram had already had some success with the disco Queen’s back catalogue with their “Endless Summers: Donna Summer’s Greatest Hits” compilation from 1994 so it probably seemed like a decent commercial strategy. Berri’s concurrent hit “The Sunshine After The Rain” might have had something to do with it as well with its interpolation of “I Feel Love”. The clip shown on this TOTP isn’t that remix though. As the caption says, this was the ‘original promo VT’ from 1977. So why was that? Wasn’t there a video for the ‘95 remix?

*checks YouTube*

Yes, there was but having watched it, I’m guessing that the BBC censors may have felt it was too erotic. Maybe. The ‘95 remix made No 8 returning her to the UK Top 10 for the first time since her Stock, Aitken and Waterman era of the late 80s. Its success would lead to another Donna classic “State Of Independence” getting the remix and rerelease treatment the following year when it peaked at No 13.

Wait? What?! Michael Bolton again?! He was only on last week and yet he’s back again for a second consecutive studio appearance. Why?! Was it that damned practice of the ‘exclusive’ performance followed by another for it entering the charts? I think so but why was Bollers still in the country? Was he on tour here? Not according to the setlist.fm website. Maybe he was just doing promotional work for the single? Could be but his Greatest Hits album wouldn’t be released for another two weeks. Whatever the reason, “Can I Touch You…There?” benefitted from this appearance by sliding up the charts to a peak of No 6 and, having reviewed this awful song once already, that’s all I have to say about it. Obviously though, Lamarr and Brand weren’t going to let an opportunity to take the piss out of the shaggy haired one pass and got in a line about a “dodgy barnet”.

This is all very curious. Or perhaps it isn’t. The presence in the UK Top 40 of a hit sung completely in a foreign language had always been a rarity. There was “Je T’Aime…Moi Non Plus” by Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg which topped the charts in 1969 despite being banned for its sexual lyrical content. The 80s contributed a few examples of the genre. In 1987, Los Lobos went to the top of our charts with the all Spanish track “La Bamba” from the film of the same name and a year later, singer Desireless took “Voyage Voyage” into the UK Top 5 with another French language only track. In 1989, the lambada craze gave Kaoma a hit song in Portuguese. There were also near but not quite all foreign language hits for Falco with “Rock Me Amadeus” and Manhattan Transfer (“Chanson D’Amour”) but both included a spattering of words in English as well as German and French respectively. There have been others since but the percentage of foreign language records making up our charts historically is tiny.

Then in 1995 came Celine Dion. Fresh from the elongated success of her long running No 1 single “Think Twice” and similarly chart topping parent album “The Colour Of My Love”, surely the wisest career move would have been to keep on churning out the power ballads? Instead, Celine’s next project was the French language album “D’eux” and I return to my original thought of “this was all very curious or was it?” because “D’eux” was actually Celine’s tenth album sung entirely in French. She didn’t record her first English language album until “Unison” in 1990 but she’d been releasing French sung albums since 1981. After all, she was born in Canada to parents of French descent and won the Eurovision Song Contest in 1988 with a song sung in that language representing Switzerland. Despite all the above, the decision to return to singing in French post “Think Twice” didn’t seem an obvious one although “D’eux” was always going to be huge in certain European territories. It sold well enough in the UK though nothing like the numbers that “The Colour Of My Love” did. The lead single from it was “Pour Que Tu M’Aimes Encore” and we get Celine performing it by satellite from New York on this TOTP. The French language strategy was ditched after the “D’eux” project with Dion’s next album “Falling Into You” returning to power ballad territory.

Jo Brand’s comment about Celine being thin in the intro hasn’t aged well given all the eating disorder rumours that Celine has been subject to over the years (all of which she has denied). In Jo’s defence though, she was clearly being self deprecating about her own size.

A video exclusive from Janet Jackson next and like Michael Bolton earlier and indeed her brother Michael later in the show, the track it’s for is to promote a Greatest Hits album. “Runaway” was taken from “Design Of A Decade: 1986 – 1996” which would sell 600,000 copies in the UK alone. I guess after ten years of hits, a compilation album was in order especially as Janet seemed intent on releasing nearly every song from her studio albums as singles. Indeed, “Design Of A Decade” had 18 tracks on it.

Again like her brother, the video for “Runaway” looks like it could be a Jacko promo with huge swathes of imagery and backdrops including some major cities from around the world like Paris, Sydney and for the second time in the show following Celine Dion’s turn earlier, the Manhattan skyline. At times, it looks like Disney’s 2019 live action adaptation of Aladdin with shots of deserts and elephants.

The song itself is a jolly if unsubstantial little number but, in a final similarity to brother Michael, the little bridge into the chorus contains a a vocal inflection that sounds just like “Man In The Mirror”. Well, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery Oscar Wilde once said.

And so we arrive at the nadir of this particular TOTP. Oh God! How did we get here?! Well, it was all the fault of the Dutch apparently, or more specifically a Dutch club DJ who came up with the jolly wheeze of playing 70s band Smokie’s “Living Next Door To Alice”, stopping the record at the chorus and getting the assembled throng to chant “Alice?! Who the f**k is Alice?!”. This craze took off for some unfathomable reason and a single was released to capitalise on it made by an act called Gompie. It was a hit all round Europe and made a brief appearance in our charts at No 34 in May of this year.

Come the Summer and the British holidaymakers abroad became exposed to Gompie’s song and created further demand for it back in Blighty. Meanwhile, Smokie (who had never stopped touring despite the hits drying up once the 80s dawned) got a whiff of the phenomenon and decided to get in on the act by recording their own ‘blue’ version of the song and roped in their mate, the comedian Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown who had made a career for himself off the back of his outspoken and indeed offensive style of humour. “Living Next Door To Alice (Who The F**k Is Alice?)” would become a huge sleeper success spending 13 weeks inside the Top 40 including 7 within the Top 10. It was still on the Top 100 as Christmas approached! Given the fact that the record couldn’t be played on the radio unless it was an edited version with the ‘F’ word bleeped, presumably punters had to buy the damned thing to hear it in its full, intended form. And who wanted to do that?! Why was it funny?! I just didn’t get it. The TOTP performance here is just ludicrous with Brown having to actually say “bleep” instead of the ‘F’ word.

Ah yes, Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown. I have questions which could probably be condensed to just one word (not that one!) -WHY?! My mate Robin asked himself the same question when he ended up rather unwillingly at a Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown gig. Apparently, it was all the fault of his pal Al whose Christmas work outing involved attending the gig and Robin tagged along as he was given a freebie ticket. I’m not sure if he knew what type of comedian Brown was beforehand but after the first gag, he got with it and thought “Oh no, what have I done?”. He lasted 10 minutes out of politeness to Al for getting him the ticket and then walked out. Brown spotted him leaving and started to have a go at him but Robin (who was the worse for wear) and to his eternal credit turned around, told Brown to “f**k off!” and flicked him the rods! Excellent work sir!

After the Smokie / Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown abomination, Jo Brand remarks upon what a strange combination those two acts were. Mark Lamarr however informs us that Jo herself had been part of an unlikely coupling having made a record with Alvin Stardust. What?! Was this a joke or for real? Sadly, it’s the latter as Brand and Stardust teamed up to do a version of Alvin’s 1973 No 2 hit “My Coo Ca Choo”! You’ll be pleased to know that I can’t find a clip of said record online.

Like Janet Jackson earlier, Erasure had also been around for 10 years by 1995 and seemed to be unaffected by the shifting musical trends by continuing to have hits. “Stay With Me” was their 23rd and the lead single from their eponymous seventh studio album. I’ve said before that despite being a fan throughout the 80s, I lost sight of Andy and Vince after about 1992 so I don’t know this one at all. However, it’s a well constructed, plaintive synth ballad (no jumping on the Britpop bandwagon for these two) with a strong melody which suits Andy’s voice perfectly – it’s one of his best vocals I think. It possibly should have got higher in the charts than No 15.

Lamarr sends up the No 1 which is from Michael Jackson by donning a blouse and lipstick as per Jacko’s look in the video for “You Are Not Alone”. I’m not sure that it’s the winning visual gag that they must have thought it was in rehearsal. This was Jackson’s first UK No 1 single since “Black Or White” in 1991 and he would follow it with a second consecutive chart topper in “Earth Song” which was also the Christmas No 1. 1995 eh? What a time to be alive!

Sometime back in 2022 when I was writing up the 1992 TOTP repeats I said something along the lines of “and that’s the last we’ll see of Simply Red for quite some time. Enjoy the break”. That break is now over as the ginger haired one is back. Back in 1995 that is. After the mega success of their last album “Stars” which sold 9 million copies worldwide, it was always going to be a tall order to replicate those numbers. Hucknall and co gave it a decent go though with follow up album “Life” despite it inevitably falling short of its predecessor’s milestone.

The lead single from it was “Fairground” which would give the band their only UK No 1 single. You’ll notice that the play out video used here isn’t the official promo but rather a bunch of clips of Hucknall performing with the track added over the top. I’m assuming that’s because the single would not be released for another eleven days and presumably the video for it was still being edited? Which leads us to the question “why is the track on TOTP so early?”. Well, in order to create a buzz around the single, it was made available to radio stations a month prior to release so by the time it came out, it was already the most played song on the airwaves. Quite an achievement and huge justification of record company marketing strategy. At the end of this TOTP, Hucknall pops up on screen to say that he’ll be performing “Fairground” on next week’s show. Given that the single went to No 1 and stayed there for a month, that’s another five forthcoming appearances on these BBC4 repeats and so I think I’ll leave Mick hanging for now.

Order of appearance	Artist	Title	Did I buy it?
1	Nightcrawlers	Don’t Let The Feeling Go	No
2	Whigfield	Close Tol You	Negative
3	Donna Summer	I Feel Love	Not the remix but I must have it on something surely?
4	Michael Bolton	Can I Touch You…There?	Never happening
5	Celine Dion	Pour Que Tu M’Aimes Encore	Never
6	Janet Jackson	Runaway	Nope
7	Smokie / Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown	Living Next Door To Alice (Who The F**k Is Alice?)	Did I f**k!
8	Erasure	Stay With Me	No
9	Michael Jackson	You Are Not Alone	As if
10	Simply Red	Fairground	I did not!

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001wc34/top-of-the-pops-07091995