I’ve just checked and this is the 750th TOTP Rewind post! Yes, over both the 80s and 90s sites, the combined number of posts has reached 750. I couldn’t have believed I’d get anywhere near that number when I started this nine years ago. In fairness, I couldn’t have imagined keeping this up for nine years but here I am. However, all good things (and distinctly average ones) must come to an end and I’m declaring when I get to the end of the 1999 BBC4 repeats. As Jude Law says in that Uber Eats ad – “It’s exhausting!”. As such I don’t think I’ll quite make the 800 milestone post so I’m celebrating this one. Let’s hope there are some suitable performances on this TOTP show to commemorate this historic post…

Our host is Jamie Theakston (again!) and we start with…oh no…this can’t be right! Why were The Wiseguys back in the show with “Ooh La La”? After debuting at No 2 a fortnight previously, it began a constant descent down the charts going to No 5 and then No 9 in this particular week. That decline was never reversed once. To show it again was just nonsensical. Had it been kicking around the Top 5 for weeks on end or gone back up the charts at some point then maybe I could have understood another airing but this just defies logic. Presumably the final decision on this came from executive producer Chris Cowey – the definitive opposite of a wise guy.

Hmm. This 750th post hasn’t started well and now it’s taken an even bigger turn for the worse. A definite nosedive in quality. It’s only bloody Shania Twain with “That Don’t Impress Me Much”. This was the third time on the show for this one and as much as it annoys me, it had spent three weeks at No 2 and two at No 4 since its debut appearance so Chris Cowey could make a decent stab at defending making room for it in the running order again. I really can’t be arsed to vent about this one anymore so I’ll just ask the question of why Shania had the actor, presenter and writer Stephen Mangan playing bass for her in this performance? Seriously, complete doppelgänger. Even if it was him, big deal. Okay, so you’re Stephen Mangan…that don’t impress me much.

Finally a new song which was also the final single release of the 90s for one of the biggest artists on the planet (at the time). I always thought that “Beautiful Stranger” was a curious Madonna hit. Maybe it’s because it was a one-off release being part of a movie soundtrack rather than a Madge studio album that added to that feeling. Or maybe it’s that it sounds like it could so easily have been included on her last album “Ray Of Light” but wasn’t. Or maybe it’s the peculiar song structure it has where it seems to build to a payoff chorus but we never really get one but just a rather flat “Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-dum” refrain. Or maybe it’s just that I never got the appeal of the whole Austin Powers thing which “Beautiful Stranger” was a part of being the lead single from the soundtrack of the second film in the franchise – Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. Seriously though, it can’t be just me that doesn’t get the humour of that character surely? Even the title of the film is completely puerile. I get it’s meant to be satirical, sending up the whole James Bond phenomenon and TV spy series like Jason King but I just find the Austin Powers character intensely stupid and annoying. All that sexual innuendo and those inane catchphrases just leave me cold. Maybe it’s Mike Myers himself I just can’t be doing with as I never found Wayne’s World that humorous either.

Anyway, back to Madonna and “Beautiful Stranger” and it’s no wonder that it sounds like it could have been included the “Ray Of Light” album as it was written and produced with William Orbit who was also Madonna’s collaborative partner for said album. I’m guessing that the 60s styles and cultural references within the film also influenced the sound of the track which delivers a pop song with psychedelic leanings and an almost ethereal quality. It’s not bad but it’s just doesn’t have much substance to it. In various ‘Madonna’s Best Singles’ polls, whilst it appears in the rankings, it’s mostly a pretty lowly position (e.g. in March 2023, Billboard ranked the song as Madonna’s 88th greatest ever).

As for the video, it’s obviously based around the portrayal of the Austin Powers character with him fantasising about scenarios of him and Madonna together but there’s not a lot to it compared to some of the singer’s iconic promos from her past (“Like A Virgin”, “Like A Prayer”, “Vogue” etc). We do get a little bit extra with Madge giving us a personal intro nicely woven into the scene where Powers receives a message from his boss Basil Exposition via a screen in his car. It’s a nice touch but Madonna performing the track in the TOTP studio would have been a much bigger coup. Ultimately, “Beautiful Stranger” would lose out on another UK No 1 to a bunch of British kids with an insanely catchy pure pop number and a hit TV show. The times they were-a-changin’.

Oh come on! This is meant to be a celebratory, milestone post and the artists in this TOTP are making a mockery of it and none more so than this lot! Of all the shit that these 1999 repeats have flung at us so far, surely Cartoons stink the most? Did we just accept this crap at the time? We should have been out on the streets protesting shouldn’t we?! How do we explain this to our children?! Watching them perform “DooDah” is like suddenly finding yourself in an alternate universe where all the norms and practices of pop music have been replaced by a honking clown car. Actually, it’s the musical equivalent of the Trump administration. Their grotesque, oversized wigs make that comparison hold even more water.

For the record, “DooDah” was clearly based on the 1850 folk song “Camptown Races” by American composer Stephen Foster. Introduced into the mainstream by blackface troupe Christy’s Minstrels, it was used as the centrepiece of this excellent satirical scene from Blazing Saddles to lampoon its origin.

P.S. Blazing Saddles also gives us the most accurate description of what is going on in the White House currently…

Tatyana Ali’s pop career was a bit blink-and-you’ll-miss-it. Three singles in and this was already her final hit. “Everytime” was the smallest of them peaking at No 20. Is it coincidence that it was the first that didn’t seem to have anything to do with Will Smith? “Boy You Knock Me Out” featured a rap from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air whilst her first – “Daydreamin’” – came with a personal endorsement from Smith who did a specially recorded intro for Ali’s debut performance on TOTP. Maybe it didn’t perform as well as its predecessors because it wasn’t that good? It’s very pedestrian never really getting out of first gear. Her album “Kiss The Sky” also failed to sell in huge quantities making little impression on the US or UK charts which would lead to her being dropped by her label by the end of the year. Maybe Ali’s decision to tour with the Backstreet Boys as referenced in Jamie Theakston’s intro wasn’t the right choice after all?

Right, what’s going on here then? Well yes, obviously it’s Cher performing her single “All Or Nothing” for the second week on the spin but there’s something odd occurring that I’ve noticed. Cher has different hair and a different costume from what she was sporting seven days prior but her backing dancers appear to be exactly the same people wearing exactly the same outfits from the last show. Could it be that Cher recorded two performances back to back but did a whole wardrobe and wig change in between to fool us into thinking they were recorded a week apart? I haven’t gone completely forensic by trying to identify if the studio audience is the same but in both appearances, Jamie Theakston is not there in person to do his intro, rather there is a cutaway to clearly prerecorded footage. If I’m right, why would all concerned in this have done it? Would there have been protests outside the BBC if they’d just reshown the first performance? I think not. If the population couldn’t rouse itself to take to the streets about Cartoons then surely there was no chance of any push back against this? Mark it down as another weird happening during the Chris Cowey era.

There’s more strangeness now as we get some unusual symmetry between the next artist and one that we saw earlier. When I said Tatyana Ali had a brief career, I guess you could say the same about Lauryn Hill, in terms of their discographies anyway. One album and three singles lifted from it was the same for both singers with said singles achieving very similar chart peaks:

• Tatyana Ali – No 6 – No 3 – No 20
• Lauryn Hill – No 3 – No 4 – No 20

Those No 20 singles even had similar titles. For Tatyana it was “Everytime” and for Lauryn we had “Everything Is Everything”. Despite its moderate UK chart performance, it was well received by the music press and was nominated for a Grammy and a Soul Train Lady Of Soul award. Both Ali and Hill’s music careers would come to a halt as the new millennium dawned; the former as mentioned earlier after being dropped by her label and the latter because she became disillusioned with the trappings of fame and sought solace in religion, attending bible study classes five days a week. Both would also have acting careers alongside their music ones with Tatyana auditioning (unsuccessfully) for Sister Act 2: Back In The Habit which Lauryn starred in. Everything is everything indeed.

We have another new No 1 and it’s from a group who were pure, unadulterated pop. S Club 7 had already been given TOTP exposure six weeks prior to the release of their debut single “Bring It All Back” so they had a very long run up to topping the chart at the first attempt. Not only that but they’d appeared briefly on last week’s show for a ten seconds interview with Jamie Theakston when he basically said “It’s you or Madonna for No 1 next week” to which one of them (Jon?) replied that they were taking nothing for granted because Madge was the Queen of Pop or something like that. I don’t recall Theakston saying he thought S Club 7 would definitely win out as he says he predicted in this intro. Maybe he said it on his Radio 1 show. Anyway, that first appearance was a promo video but this time see get the group hyper-jigging about in the studio. Although Jo O’Meara would be the designated lead vocalist on most of their hits, all four of the girls get a go at singing out front whilst the boys are offered some backing vocals spotlight. Look, we’re going to see this one twice more in these BBC4 repeats so I think I’ll leave it there for now.

It wasn’t quite the line up I’d hoped for to celebrate my 750th post but then again, what did I expect from TOTP in 1999?

Order of appearance	Artist	Title	Did I buy it?
1	The Wiseguys	Ooh La La	Get to f**k!
2	Shania Twain	That Don’t Impress Me Much	Heavens no!
3	Madonna	Beautiful Stranger	No
4	Cartoons	DooDah	Seriously?! Of course not
5	Tatyana Ali	Everytime	Negative
6	Cher	All Or Nothing	Nope
7	Lauryn Hill	Everything Is Everything	I did not
8	S Club 7	Bring It All Back	Nah

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002sw9g/top-of-the-pops-18061999