The TOTP Tour is officially over as the renovations to the BBC Elstree studios have now been completed and the show is back in its official home. Host Jamie Theakston makes a half-hearted attempt at a skit to mark the event and then we’re into the music. Apart from one ‘new’ exclusive performance from a legendary name, every hit in this episode comes from within the Top 10. Was that a good thing or not? On the one hand, the programme was showcasing the biggest selling, most popular songs of the time so wasn’t that giving music fans what they wanted? On the other, was it becoming a closed shop, excluding anything further down the charts and thus helping to stultify the rest of the Top 40 by denying potentially bigger songs the oxygen of exposure? A closer inspection of the chart that week reveals that there were indeed seven new entries outside of the Top 10* (plus one re-entry) and four inside it. Significantly, there was only one song going up the charts which perhaps restricted the choice of hits to be feature on the show. Perhaps.

*One of which was “Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?” by Moby from his all conquering “Play” album. Executive producer Chris Cowey not exactly following the zeitgeist there.

So, which were the three songs inside the Top 10 that didn’t make the running order?

• “Two Times” by Ann Lee. Holding at No 2. On TOTP the previous week.
• “Blue (Dab Ba Dee)” by Eiffel 65. Down from No 3 to No 4. On TOTP three weeks on the trot.
• “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!” by Shania Twain. Down from No 6 to No 10. On TOTP twice.

OK. So firstly, they’re all horrible but secondly, apart from potentially Ann Lee, I can see why they weren’t featured on this show but what of the other seven hits in the Top 10 that were? Four were new entries (fair enough), one was the No 1 (double fair enough), one was the only single moving up the charts (can’t argue with that) BUT…one was going down the chart from No. 4 to No 8! What gives?

Well, all in good time but we start with the only record that was climbing which was “I Try” by Macy Gray. This one was really ascending in instalments. After debuting at No 10, it spent a second week there before inching its way to No 9 in this chart. After a further hop up of one place to No 8 it would make it to No 7 where it stayed for three weeks before yet another one place climb to a high of No 6 before one final week inside the Top 10 at No 9. That totalled over two months between No 10 and No 6 without ever making it into the Top 5. Even its descent out of the Top 40 took a further nine weeks which included two occasions when it reversed its fall and went back up the charts! As first week discounting by record companies on new release singles kicked in towards the end of the 90s, it felt like every hit was in and out of the charts within a fortnight. Slow burners like “I Try” (and a few others) offered evidence that wasn’t exclusively the case. However, it could also be argued that such examples were the exception that proved the rule – witness Macy Gray being the only artist moving up the charts this week.

Next to that song sliding down the charts but which was given a slot in the running order anyway. Was there anything to be said in defence of Chris Cowey’s decision here? Well, actually there was and it came from the mouth of host Jamie Theakston who rather patronisingly says in his intro to “Jesse Hold On” by B*Witched that “Little Keavey was ill last week bless her so she couldn’t make it on tour to Swansea but she’s back on her feet now…”. Oh OK, so the group should have been on last week when they debuted at No 4 which would have made sense and there was a genuine reason why they weren’t but…does this incident reveal more about the machinations of the TOTP selection process than we were previously aware of? Is this evidence of binding agreements between the show and artists’ management/record labels when it came to appearances? If you could literally provide a sick note then your booking would still apply for the following week regardless of where your record was in the charts? Like tickets for a concert still being valid if said gig was unexpectedly cancelled? Seems a bit rum to me.

Anyway, this delayed appearance by B*Witched didn’t stop “Jesse Hold On” from falling down the charts again the following week from No 8 to No 13 (though it did stay in that position for a second week). The perceived wisdom is that this is where it all started to fall apart for the group and I don’t think that’s an unfair assessment. Much in the same way that Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s spell over us broke when their “Welcome To The Pleasuredome” single failed to top the charts after three successive No 1s, so B*Witched’s…well…bewitching power over the record buying public began to wane when “Jesse Hold On” couldn’t reach the chart summit. Not that a No 4 hit should be dismissed but how else could anyone view it other than a step backwards?

So why did it not go to No 1 like the rest of the group’s releases? Had their cheeky Irish appeal worn off? Had pop music tastes changed so quickly already? I think the answer might be more straightforward – “Jesse Hold On” just wasn’t that good. In effect, it was a retread of “C’est La Vie” but instead of that Irish fiddle hook it had a banjo being picked and a C&W vibe. Whilst undeniably catchy, it didn’t have that same grab-you-by-your-ears effect. Sure, there’s some nice harmonising in the chorus but it somehow feels elongated and repetitive. In short, it just wasn’t as punchy – not so much “fight like me Da” more “have a reasonable discussion like me Ma”.

It also didn’t lend itself to that knockout image of double denim and Irish dance steps. This time there were sparkly, sleeveless crop tops with a bit of C&W fringing and some hip wiggling and half-arsed lassoing arm movements. It just didn’t have the same impact. Their sophomore album “Awake And Breathe” also suffered from diminishing returns selling half the amount of their debut. Neither of its two subsequent singles even made the Top 10. The time of B*Witched (at least their first incarnation) was coming to an end.

OK. I get the whole “don’t fix it if it ain’t broken” concept when it comes to chart hits and a successful formula but ATB were taking a liberty. “Don’t Stop” IS “9PM (Till I Come)” isn’t it? Well, isn’t it?! Sorry, went a bit Bobby Robson there when he was asked about Diego Maradona’s ‘Hand of God’ goal…

Anyway, rip off or not, the UK record buying public lapped it up sending it to No 3 in the charts after import copies sales had already sent it to No 61 four months earlier. With my decaying eyesight, on first glance I thought that was Fay Tozer from Steps who’s fronting this appearance but it’s not. I’m guessing that’s Yolanda Rivera who was also the featured artist on “9PM (Till I Come)” – see what I mean about just repeating the formula? I’m really not sure why she needs a mic strapped to her head though as there are hardly any words in the track. Looks like a case of overkill whilst the track is as appetising as roadkill.

Just like B*Witched, here was another all female group who were coming to the end of the line (ahem). Honeyz were onto their fourth consecutive Top 10 hit with “Never Let You Down” and there would be another one early in the new year and yet…despite all five hits coming from their album “Wonder No. 8”, they couldn’t shift huge numbers of it in the shops. It would eventually achieve gold status but never got higher than No 33 in the charts. Was that reliance on hit singles a hinderance to their plans for longevity? If you’re only as good as your last single without a backbone of healthy album sales behind you, were you always just one flop away from the dumper?

I’m also wondering if the change in line up with original member Heavenli Abdi replaced by Mariami Goodman had a destabilising effect similar to when Jacquie O’Sullivan replaced Siobahn Fahey in Bananarama? I don’t think that particular incarnation of the group was ever really accepted by the fans so was it a similar as with Honeyz or am I overstating the case there? Were people really invested enough in Honeyz to care or were the members interchangeable? After all, Bananarama had been going for six years by the time Siobhan left. Honeyz? Barely 12 months.

Although “Never Let You Down” was yet another polished R&B pop number, it was hardly anything unexpected and indeed reminds me of Eternal’s 1994 hit “Oh Baby I” Peddling a sound which was five years old in 1999 maybe wasn’t the best strategy. As with B*Witched, although they would appear in TOTP subsequently, this is the last time I’ll be reviewing them in this blog. Farewell both.

It’s that cover by Liam Gallagher and Steve Craddock of The Jam’s “Carnation” again next which we saw just two shows ago as an exclusive performance. Perhaps surprisingly, it’s entered the charts at No 6 – that seemed quite high for a song by a band who had split up 17 years before but then The Jam Army and the Weller disciples were a loyal bunch. Of course, a reunion was what was really wanted by the fanbase but as that was never on the cards then the next best thing was the chance of grabbing, if not new material by their heroes, at least new interpretations of their work. Plus there’s the Oasis faithful who would have wanted to own it for Liam’s involvement. Clearly though it was going to be a quick sales phenomenon and the double A-side (alongside Buffalo Tom’s take on “Going Underground”) duly dropped out of the Top 40 in three weeks.

Ah, there’s Faye Tozer along with the rest of Steps who have entered the charts at No 5 with their latest single “After The Love Has Gone”. Not a cover of the Earth, Wind & Fire classic nor even of the definitely not a classic 1985 hit for Princess, this was, just like B*Witched earlier, an attempt to return to the sound which originally brought the band success. No, not that sound. Not the line dancing, boot scootin’ nonsense of “5,6,7,8” but the faux ABBA hits that came after it. There’s an undeniable whiff of the Swedish superstars in this one and whilst it certainly worked well enough to maintain the group’s high end chart momentum, it did break their run of three No 2s and one No 1 that they’d achieved with their last four releases. Cause for concern? Probably not. They still had plenty of hits left in them including another chart topper but as with B*Witched and Honeyz earlier, I won’t be around to review them.

I’ve said this before but Lee Latchford-Evans and ‘H’ must have had the flimsiest pop star job descriptions in music history. Just learn this release’s required dance steps and grin inanely whenever the camera comes near you. They’re like sign language translators* on speed.

*With apologies to sign language translators.

Tina Turner was still having hits in late 1999? Well, she was but like a few artists on this particular TOTP, it was all coming to an end. Talking of which, a wish the little chat she had with Jamie Theakston pre-performance had come to an end sooner. It did neither person involved any favours. Anyway, without a Top 10 hit in the UK since 1995’s Bond theme “Goldeneye”, Tina turned to the people behind her peer Cher’s recent commercial resurgence. Mark Taylor and Brian Rawling had produced the all conquering “Believe” and you can hear their touch on “When The Heartache Is Over” which was the lead single from her tenth and final studio album “Twenty Four Seven”. In truth though, it was never going to have the impact of “Believe”, neither in sales nor culturally. However, it was a sizeable hit on the US Dance charts thanks to its numerous remixes on the 12” released in that territory.

Tina gives her usual performance of gusto and jerky dance movements here but I was more interested in why Jessie Wallace/Kat Slater was one of the backing dancers and why Father Ted was on the drums. Tina retired from touring in 2009 aged 69 to live a quiet life in Switzerland until her death in 2023.

Christina Aguilera remains at No 1 with “Genie In Bottle”. Now, clearly I’m not Jamie Theakston’s biggest fan but something he says in his intro struck a chord with me. “And I thought genies came in lamps” he quips but he’s right – the established perception of a genie comes from the tale of Aladdin based on a Middle Eastern folk tale associated with The Arabian Knights (though it wasn’t part of the original text but rather added by Frenchman Antoine Galland). The story depicts Aladdin being tricked by a sorcerer to retrieve a magic oil lamp from a cave. When the lamp is rubbed, the genie is released. That’s a lamp not a bottle. Bottles have nothing to do with it. Indeed, in modern parlance and to reuse the theme of football managers in press conferences, bottles signify something that isn’t special and certainly not magical. Here’s Jose Mourinho when he was with my beloved Chelsea the first time in 2004…

So who wrote this nonsense about genies in bottles? Wikipedia tells me that a Steve Kipner was one of the co-writers and that he received an Ivor Novello award for International Hit of the Year for it. Clearly the judges weren’t aware of The Arabian Knights then.

Order of appearance	Artist	Title	Did I buy it?
1	Macy Gray	I Try	Liked it, didn’t buy it
2	B*Witched	Jesse Hold On	No thanks
3	ATB	Don’t Stop	No – please do!
4	Honeyz	Never Let You Down	No
5	Liam Gallagher and Steve Craddock / Buffalo Tom	Carnation / Going Underground	Negative
6	Steps	After The Love Has Gone	I did not
7	Tina Turner	When The Heartache Is Over	Nope
8	Christina Aguilera	Genie In A Bottle	Nah

Disclaimer

I make no claim to the rights of this show and all ownership and contents including logos and graphics belongs totally to the BBC or copyright holder(s).

All opinions on the music and artists featured are my own. Sorry if you don’t agree.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002wbq6/top-of-the-pops-22101999